So... I was thinking. One of my biggest frustrations about being gay is that i won't be able to have a child of my own (that and not being able to get married, but that's not the point). And someone here in the forums once commented about surrogacy, and that made me intrigued. How is this practice seen in your country? How it's like? It's wrong? I don't if I'd do something like that... but this option exists. What's your opinion?
Opinions on surrogacy vary quite differently throughout all U.S states. Surrogacy is also used for straight couples who can't conceive or decided to stay completely abstinent. In my state of California, surrogacy is well-accepted. In some of our states, surrogacy laws aren't enforced but considered illegal and others have strict penalties for surrogacy. I don't see anything wrong with surrogacy, but the birth mother should be able to see her child from time to time because due to biological changes, women grow attached to the baby through maternal instinct.
There are what are called "open parenting" options where the birth mother is involved to some degree in the child's life right from birth. I personally don't know if that is a good idea, unless it is made crystal clear who has custody and makes the decisions concerning the child's upbringing. My concern is that this arrangement is relatively new, so there is probably very little legal experience with what may happen down the line as the child grows. But surrogacy, with all due regard to the legal implications, is a definite option.
Even though I am gay, I would love to be able to be pregnant when the time is right. I know it may seem like a strange idea, but I love the idea of finding a sperm donor and having my future wife use her eggs to have the baby, however I am the one to carry it. If that makes sense. I like this idea because then we both feel like we are a part of the baby, rather than one of us not feeling connected.
This is probably how I want to have at least one of my kids. It bothers me a lot to not be able to have kids of my own as well. Most people don't find surrogacy to be a big deal, I don't think. I say it's a good option.
Surrogacy is not just for gay couples. I know many straight couples who have had to go this route due to fertility issues. I have honestly never heard anyone that I know speak negatively of surrogacy. I know that laws vary from state to state as far as the rights of the birth mother. But in all instances, the birth mother is a willing and voluntary participant, and knows that she will be expected to give the baby up. I'm sure that doesn't always happen, but that's typically the agreement. There is also something called a gestational carrier, in which the woman who carries the child doesn't use her own eggs. Basically, there is a separate egg donor and the sperm donor and the child is conceived through in-vitro fertilization and implanted into the gestational carrier. This way, the woman carrying the child doesn't have to give up "her" biological child....if that makes sense. My ex always said that if she had a child, she would want to use her eggs and donor sperm and have me (or whoever her partner is) carry the child....because she has no desire to be pregnant.
I personally never want to get pregnant - I was the kid that, when my mom was pregnant with my little sister, felt the baby kick and ran off screaming. So I would never be a surrogate myself. That said, I haven't met anyone yet that looks down on the practice. Most people see it as a good thing for people who can't have their own kids. There are several ways of going about it, from an open surrogacy, where the surrogate mother is still a part of the child's life, to a closed one where the woman births the baby, hands them over to the parents, and has nothing to do with the child again, and everywhere in between. As it becomes more normalized, there is a rise in the US of 'friendly surrogacies,' where a friend of the couple is the one to carry the baby. The majority, however, are strictly a business deal where the soon-to-be parents pay for the surrogate mother's doctor's visits, pre-natal care, the birth, etc. Some will pay all of the surrogate's bills until the birth, and most if not all contracts include an amount of disposable income. It varies from person to person and couple to couple. Surrogacy isn't wrong and I don't know anyone who thinks it is. If you feel like it's an option for you in the future, go for it.
About straight couples, I already knew that they are able to do this, but somewhere in my mind, I thought that surrogacy was something "forbidden" to gay couples, or at least "wrong". If my future partner agree with that, maybe I'll use this method, but being very careful to choose very carefully the woman that's going to carry the baby.
I'd only adopt or use my partner's DNA because I have too many autoimmune diseases in my family (unless I get extensive genetic counseling). I think I'd be more fond of adopting a baby, to be honest.
Apart from the fact that I don't trust the quality of my genes, I don't really see why I'd be less fond of an adopted child than one I biologically produced. Also, adoption allows someone to gain parents, not the creation of a new person for little reason.
I agree with this. And the stats for kids living in foster care are really bad. By adopting, you're giving the child a better life. That's why I never understood opposition against adoption by same-sex parents. If they have the economic means to take care of a child, then they should have the right to adopt. Sexual orientation has nothing to do with whether or not a person is a good parent.
Surrogacy is illegal where I live. However, I'd love to have children. Sadly, we (meaning gay and lesbian couples)are not allowed to adopt children as a couple either. The options are that only one partner adopts the child or that one adopts the biological children (no matter whether it is from an earlier, heterosexual relationship or was conceived via sperm donation, etc.) of the other. I personally would prefer adopting a child that is a little older already (like 3-6 years) from a foster care since I'm not very fond of getting pregnant myself, but would love to give a home to a child that wouldn't grow up with loving parents otherwise.
