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Is it bad to change interest to fit in?

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by XTREMEZish, Apr 6, 2014.

  1. XTREMEZish

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    So lately at school a lot of my friends have kinda been, for lack of better word, excluding me from their little group. Not out of meanness but out of the fact that I just don't really fit in with what they talk about. This has been going on now since December. I don't mean to put myself in a higher state of being above them, but it seams that my ideal entertainment preferences have matured at a much substantial and significant rate then that of my fellow peers. For example a new trend now that has taken over my school by storm is the obsession with the game "Magic the Gathering." I do not find any interest in this subject and it is a "trend" that has been growing at a quick rate. All my friends do it and I can't seem to fit in with them. It is everyone at my school. No one seems to take an interest in my likes and dislikes. No one shares a similar pallet of entertainment preferences with me. I like True Detective, no one else does, American Horror Story, no one else does. I want to be able to fit in with them again so that I feel included. They talk about women a lot and I can't really fit in to talk to them about that, but I really want to fit in. They are all obsessed with Japanese anime also. I could get into that but that would me ignoring the stuff I truly enjoy. So is it wrong to pretend to like something and try to obsess over something just to fit in? I don't want to lose these friends.:help::help::help:
     
  2. Emulator

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    In my opinion, no. It's not worth it.
    What I mean is if you do change your interests just to fit in, you wouldn't be you anymore - not to mention that you would be changing it forever, whenever your friends like something new. But you don't have to leave them.
    You could tweak your interests though, or find another common topic to talk about. Would there be at least one person out there who has just one thing in common with you?
     
  3. Yosia

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    I thimk its pointless, i used to do this~ I used to pretty much FORCE myself to play Call of Duty and say i like it because that is what is normal right? I could have done so much more than just sit playing a game which i really didnt like one bit~

    I still kind of do it with films, if a friend wants to go and watch a movie because its what is the trend, i will pretend i like it when really all i want to do is watch a Disney Princess film with some ice cream XD


    So no its not worth it~ why be bored doing something you hate just to have friends? I cant see much point ^.^
     
  4. thrnvlpidj

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    I think it's good to broaden your interests but pretending to like something when you don't isn't likely to let you fit in.
     
  5. BornAnew

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    Yeah I feel like broadening your interests is good. Checking out what they like, but if you still don't like it then that's that really! If you try to enjoy your interests & feel proud of it you'll attract more people with similar interests too!
     
  6. Z3ni

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    Its not worth it.. You shouldn't change yourself for the sake of others, be what naturally comes best from you.
     
  7. HM03

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    I'd rather be friendless. Been there, done that.

    EDIT:
    That being said I'd made friends with no mutual hobbits. We just get together and laugh...I'm weird :lol:
     
    #7 HM03, Apr 6, 2014
    Last edited: Apr 6, 2014
  8. RedMage

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    I would only expand your interests into what your friends like if you have a potential interest in Magic: The Gathering for instance. Maybe your friends can fill you in from time to time about what they are up to, but I wouldn't fake an interest because if someone calls you on your bluff it's much worse than not faking an interest and being a bit out of the loop.
     
  9. awesomeness

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    It's worth trying out at least. Maybe their interests will rub off on you, who knows. I mean you'll never meet someone who'll fit your personality 100%.

    But if you constantly have to FORCE it, and it starts to really bother you, then I'd say no.
     
  10. CharlieChalk

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    What you've just said has been, no IS, my entire life.
    I've never fit in. Ever. I've always been that odd-one-out.
    And for the past 23 years, I've blamed that on myself. Why did I have to like sports? Why did I have to like this band or this genre of music? Why did I prefer playing games consoles to going clubbing? And I've only just recently found my answer, and it is because it made me happy. I did it because I wanted to and not for anyone else.
    I've tried to change myself for people so many times. My parents, my grandparents, friends, even work colleagues, and you know what, it isn't worth it. You just get depressed and angry and tired. So tired. Tired of lying to yourself, tired of fighting against everything so hard, tired of your own self. It isn't worth it.
    Maybe you won't find the people you fit in with immediately and maybe like me you won't have found them after 23 years, but at least you'll be the best you that you can be because you did what made you happy and didn't put that happiness in to the hands of other people.
    So in my opinion, you should do/like/enjoy what you want to do and not what someone has decided the latest trend is going to be. Trends come and go. You are stuck with you.

    (On the other hand, I'm not usually great with advice/emotive stuffs, so... sorry for butting in!)
     
  11. Kasey

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    Dude magic the gathering is amazing! Kids playing it may be new for your area but it has been around for 20 years.

    That aside, be true to yourself. You'll just be miserable doing things you don't want to. People can tell if you're fake.
     
  12. XTREMEZish

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    Thanks for the feedback. Now off to read Game of Thrones, play Elder Scrolls online, read the new Walking Dead, and what ever else I want to do.
     
  13. imnotreallysure

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    I've faked interest in certain activities if everyone else wants to do it, but I prefer not to. There's only so much I'm willing to do, before I get bored and/or frustrated, and leave. It isn't fair if you're always the one who is compromising.
     
    #13 imnotreallysure, Apr 6, 2014
    Last edited: Apr 6, 2014
  14. CharlieChalk

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    :thumbsup::thumbsup::thumbsup::thumbsup::thumbsup:
     
  15. Kasey

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    Well... I'm going to watch season 4 premier tonight, just watched last episode of walking dead and wished I had elder scrolls online... but I'm waiting for ps4 version.
     
  16. Chip

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    One of the most important underpinnings of good self esteem and wholehearted living is authenticity, and that's a practice that we develop over time. Your initial instincts are correct: Trying to feign interest in something you don't like in order to keep friends is a recipe for shame and damaging self esteem.

    Now... if you've genuinely never tried the games and anime and such and want to give it a shot, that's one thing. But if it simply holds no interest for you -- and in that regard, I'm in the same boat you are, with friends who are into both, but neither is anything I have the slightest interest in -- then you're much better off finding other things to do... and friends who are more compatible.

    One other piece worth knowing: Friendships evolve substantially between high school and post high-school. Typically (but not always), friendships in junior high and high school tend to revolve around common interests and activities, while deep friendships that develop in your late teens and 20s and beyond are more likely to revolve around shared beliefs, and other more core values that require mutual vulnerability and openness.

    So for most people, friendships they had in high school don't survive more than a couple of years past the end of high school. Of course, there are exceptions, but you often find that you just don't feel the same connection you once did, and you tend to drift away. Meaningful friendships you develop after age 18-19 (and sometimes a bit earlier) are more likely to be authentic and last a much longer time.

    It's a normal adolescent developmental process everyone goes through. But it can definitely suck to be in that in between place where you're starting to evolve and people around you aren't quite there yet.
     
  17. XTREMEZish

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    It hasn't gotten better. I feel like an outsider. I have tried there things multiple times. They have their little clicks now. I have nothing. They are starting to exclude me when ever they all hang out. I feel really lonely. I want don't want this school year to get any harder.