Relationship with opposite sex before coming out?

I had a couple short term boyfriends in the past. I'm still not sure if I like boys or not, but with the relationships I had, I was always the one to break up with them. I just got over them quickly. It was like once I had them, I didn't want them anymore, lol. I was just indifferent. But prior to dating them, I really did have strong feelings for them and even thought I was in love with one. It took me years after one relationship to get over him (we'd been best friends since we were 5). Still trying to make since of that one.

 

Since I'm still attracted to one gender... it's no different despite my gender presentation.

 

I did have a boyfriend in the past that I thought I was in love with but our relationship was more like friends than an actual couple I did miss him when we broke up cause even though he was a jerk he was a good friend . This was when I was questioning my sexuality.
I thought I was in love with him but I really wasn't I was just using him to make me happy cause I was lonely and depressed we just needed each other at the time because we were both highly stressed . Most of my boyfriends I only dated them because I was either lonely or wanted to fit in with everyone else my first boyfriend the thought of kissing him felt gross to me and I needed up breaking up with him when It was over I was happy and not said . but with my 2nd one I listed at the top I was sad because I was thinking now whose gonna cheer me up when I'm depressed now ?!

 

Well, I have a boyfriend, and while I really like him, I realised I liked some girls even more. That confused the shit outta me, and then I realised I'm bi, and I'll break up with him ASAP to clear up my mind (and some other reasons that have nothing to do with this). I say I'm bi, but it's more like 60-40, cos I want a girlfriend so bad. As you see, it's pretty fresh with me Buy, I'm proud, already out to my group of friends!

 

Because we live in such a hetero normative society we are taught to pursue the opposite sex. When we're young our sexuality is still developing and because we're taught "straight, straight, straight" we convince ourselves that that is who we are. Many of us pursue the opposite sex and even have feelings for them, but it's hardly ever sexual. It's more us not wanting to be alone and seeking validation that we aren't LGBT. So it is quite common, what matters is who you are now, the past was a part of your journey and that is something many LGBT people have dealt with because of the above reasons. Bottom line: just because you liked the opposite sex before doesn't mean you're straight. It's just the hetero normative society we live in that presents heterosexuality as the only option. If that's the way were meant to be, we wouldn't be on empty closets now would we?

As for me, I chased girls but always loved men, I was just drawn to them. I convinced myself I was straight because I would have little crushes on girls that were my friends but it was more admiration and me just wanting to "prove" to myself that I wasn't gay. I did like them though but it wasn't genuine, more forced and just wanting to not be alone. I've accepted my gayness now and am never looking back xD

 

That's what I'm kinda thinking--that maybe I'm a biromantic lesbian. It's weird though, cause I'll see guys and be like "damn he's hot," but I don't wanna have sex with them. I think I've definitely had feelings for guys though. So maybe I'm biromantic, who knows. Thanks! (*hug*)

 

Not really relationships per se - more, 'I'll scratch your back if you scratch mine'.

 

Agreed, I still have the idea of romance with beautiful girls but there is really no attraction there it's just that heteronormative society. I thought I was supposed to like girls growing up and it is still difficult for me to accept my attractions.

 

Like a lot of people here, I have had crushes on some of my female friends and still have thoughts of heterosexuality in the back of my mind, but I think that all of these thoughts in my head were just made up out of the hope that I might not have been gay and was just confused.

 

A lot of my "crushes" turned out to just be boners I would have for guys. I have always been a bit weird. And by a lot, I mean all of them that are on guys.

 

Thank you for saying this. You're right. I used to have intense romantic crushes on boys, but I had never thought about sex, it was about wanting comfort and affection, and someone on my side to talk philosophy with (I guess I was a weird teenager). And since I had these crushes and fantasies, I didn't think I was gay, just possibly asexual. I still wonder if parts of my romantic orientation are just something created by cultural expectations.

 

No and no.

I liked girls in the sense that I had a (generally much) easier time connecting and making friends with them than other guys and I liked the attention I got from them, but no I had no actual interest in them. I didn't have crushes on them, just didn't really look at them any way beyond friendship level.

What bothers me though is that, if there was anything to do with guys thrown in there, I was damn near 100% oblivious to it. I say this because I didn't have interest in guys either to my knowledge so I didn't have any guy crushes or anything either. I was just a big heteronormative-nothing, aha, until I realized my feelings/attraction to them in recent years.

 

Honestly, I'm still sorting my feelings out on that. For so long I pushed my feelings for guys down That's it's difficult to think about being romantic with a man. I enjoyed being romantic with a woman but sex was by the book. (I'm talking about Letters to Penthouse.) Sex with a guy was more spontaneous and natural. It was also rare.

 

I had a boyfriend before I realised I wasn't straight... I've had romantic crushes on boys a bit as well, but nothing sexual. But I've always been much more comfortable and happy around girls in general.

 

Yeah, so true. I'm trying to keep that in mind. I may just be gay and in denial, because honestly, ever since I came out as "bi" I care about just girls and no guys. Time will tell

 

I had a crush on someone of the opposite sex back in first grade. But, honestly, looking back, I really did not want a relationship with her. I was so young and feeble back then (and oh so innocent ). Anyway, I thought I wanted a relationship with her because, back then, I kind of knew that that is what guys were supposed to do. Later on, I realized that I did not want a relationship with her, like, at all; I just wanted to have some assurance that nothing was "wrong" with me.

Oh wait...this thread is about relationships not crushes...awkward.

Um ... my freshmen year of college, I was hanging out with my friend and she was like: "do you wanna be my boyfriend" and I was like "Sure" (unenthusiastically). But I realized that it was more of a friendly love than crush-love. Yeah, I know I'm weird. I'm gonna leave now. kthnxbai

 

No problem honestly, it's quite normal to grow through this. It's a part of growing up in such a hetero normative society. Just stay true to yourself and don't limit yourself based on cultural expectations. I'm not saying all cultural expectations are wrong but they usually are In terms of LGBT issues. Usually when we grow up these things begin to make more sense and who you are falls into place.