Public you vs real you.

Hey RB,

I love this topic!

The self is not some thing you can touch or feel, To say "my real self" is to allude to...what exactly??

It has been argued [read The Performing Self by Richard Poirier] that we are more ourselves in a social context, i.e. we are who we perform!

You state that in "real life" you are more sensitive and self-conscious, or worried about being exposed as weak. I would argue however that these are thoughts you have rather than what you are. There is a strong case to be made to proceed in life "as if" you were confident, happy, or whatever you wish to be. Pretend long enough and soon enough you are seen by others to be that way. Is that not your "truest" self?

The self, such as it is, is more like an onion...keep peeling and you will find that the core cannot be found...this is an alarming idea, no doubt, but it is also liberating! You need not let your ego determine your fate, from now on your form follows fiction. You are able to create a new self every day!

See my signature below...

 

I behave like me no matter where I am at least mentally and behaviorally. Gender presentation however still wildly changes depending on context.

I guess my vocabulary does change with context though...

 

I think I am alot more quiet in public and alot more shy then I am if you get to know me one on one. I actually feel like I don't know what to say in a large group of people, my mind kind of goes blank and freezes. Its quite annoying but what can you do *shrugs*.

 

The public me is largely different from the real me. Sometimes they feel like two different beings altogether...

That is partly why I picked this username. Bcause the mask of me is emulating what others do, while the real me hides in the background.

 

The public me is always making people laugh and looking for fun things to do and say, I'm also very energetic when in public and can sometimes be perceived as sometimes "over doing" it especially when I have to speak in public which is an activity I used to be terrible at but one I now get quite a "buzz" from. The public me also doesn't fear anything or anyone.

Whilst the real me is crippled by insecurity and over analyses everything as well as being scared of many "What ifs"

But I need to act the way I do in public or risk going back to the days when next to nobody wanted to be friends with me or would talk to me.

 

To my friends and the entire school, I'm considered by my friends as a humorous, loud, wise-cracking, sassy, wild child.

At home with my family, I'm pretty reserved.

 

I can Defintly relate to what your saying Radioactive bi.Im the exact same as you are, people assume I'm this out going person with this made life and that I'm truly happy.But deep down I'm not I don't show people my weakness but I have drawn away a lot from people especially friends since questioning myself no one really bothers they have their own lives.I just do what I need to do and deal with my demons when I need to mostly pushing them aside while I play happy housewife until they submerge but I'm too fearful to tell people how I really feel people are so quick to judge and stigmatise you it makes you feel even more isolated then what you were feeling.But I do have good days those are the days everyone thinks I am or should be 24/7

 

When I'm around others I smile, act happy. I'm out going and social soo suppose people perceive me as happy

Inside I'm sad. I dwell on the past too much. I'm insecure, scared, hurt and lonely

 

the public me is confident and funny and the real me is extremely insecure and scared

 

For sure. The public me is confident and always willing to argue. The real me just wants to cuddle:icon_redf

 

Public me is a reflection of real me, to an extent.

In public I'm still very introverted in behaviour (just don't have anything to say in large groups!), but get me in the right conversation with the right people and I can be very talkative and boisterous.

In private I'm a lot more insecure and introspective, but equally when I'm acting all happy and confident in public that's not entirely a forced reaction; oftentimes my natural reaction when I'm around people who make me happy is to be talkative and interested myself. It's because I'm talking about things I'm interested in with people who interest me, and those are as much a part of my "real" self as my self-perception and doubts in private. As such I don't exactly view "public me" and "private/real me" as entirely, mutually separate, just different facets of me which rise to the surface in different circumstances.

The way I see it, of course there are some things swimming around in my head I'm not going to share with people because I don't understand what they are or don't think people need to know about them. But there are things like my interests and my opinions which I do want to share and express with other people, and those are also valid parts of myself. So basically, public self and private self are two sides of the same coin.

 

I'm seen as this goofy and funny guy, who always tells inappropriate jokes that make people laugh

But I have a pretty calm and intelligent side that I don't think many people get to see in real life.

 

To some degree we do put on a persona even if we all don't feel like it.

 

The public me is more cynical, more calmed down (if this is even possible) and very quiet.
I'm daydreaming very often and normally don't talk a lot. They always talk about party, boys and school.

When I'm with a close friend or familiy I'm more confident cause I trust them.
I talk with them openly and I can express my feelings (most of the time). They know much more about me than the public and the not that close friends. I like to talk about important and (for me) interesting topics such as Philosophy, society and not the superficial things the world and youth talks about (Miley Cyrus, Dramaaa.....)

 

There is no "real" me. I guess the difference between what I project and what I feel like alone is that when I'm with other people I'm kind to everyone, but, alone, I really couldn't care less about people.
I don't talk or use the same facial expressions when I'm spending time with my friends who are "less intelligent", and by that I mean friends who aren't able to dig as deep into things and instead focus on buying cute new cutlery or talking about what happened at work. I use simpler verbs and sentences and I have a stronger intonation, but it's not really conscious. It just happens. I wouldn't say I'm condescending either, because it's not acting.

It's true that we behave differently around different people. But who is to say which is real and which is fake?

 

This might sound a bit strange, but I'm not always sure who the real me is. Over the years I've done a lot of searching and examining (partly through choice and partly through necessity) and I've discovered things about myself that I hadn't previously realised. It still happens from time to time.

In some ways I have a dual personality - there's the shy and introverted me (quite sensitive and afraid of face to face confrontation and difficult situations) but there's also the confident and resolute me (able to speak easily without notes to an audience of 500+ people and debate issues that I feel strongly about with no sense of fear).

When the chips are down I can find the courage to act with an almost unshakeable focus and determination, but I'd really rather not. I like the easy life and have a tendency to procrastinate and kick difficult issues into the long grass if I can get away with it. That's one of the reasons I took around ten years to come out.

 

This is very true. We all have a public self and a private/secret self that we don't share with everyone.

 

I feel if I'm ever with my parents I feel lot less confident and I can't do that many jokes.
For instance, I went to see a movie where a black character died. In the parking lot these guys where arguing about why he would die? I had to hold back so much from saying BECAUSE HIS BLACK! Like biting my knuckle not to! My parents wouldn't get a lot of my humor...