Thank You So Much.

Hello everyone, it's Bryan, and I got inspired to create this post because my one year anniversary of joining Empty Closets is quickly approaching (April 19th 2013). I can't believe that one year has flown by this quickly, and that I've made so many wonderful new friends in the process. In just this one year, I've changed a lot, in more ways than I would have ever imagined. And in the end, I have to thank you guys, for at least part of it.

But first, let's go back in time a year, and then some. I would have been 15 years old, and I thought I was in love. Yes, I was dumb enough to think that I was in love with this one guy. He seemed nice enough, but once I came forward about my feelings for him, he subsequently shut me out of his entire life, and I was devastated. I've had family members pass away before, but this, this was a different kind of pain. One that I couldn't let out, for fear that my parents would find out my secret to them. I was scared shitless by that, so I kept my pain a secret, that I only talked about to a select few people.

I held onto that pain for a good four months. I felt like I was never good enough for anybody, guy or girl; it made me feel that I was some sort of freak, and that I'd never find anyone. I did some pretty dumb things. I cried myself to sleep at night, I would starve myself for days at a time, and I even cut myself two or three times. Looking back at it now, I see how stupid my young self was, and that because I cared so much about a jerk, I let four months of my life just go by, plus the two I spent longing over him, and I'll never get them back.

But, that pain also made me want to go get help. I was talking to my good friend one day, and I said how it felt so lonely being the only gay guy at school, and how I wanted other people to talk to. He responded that I should possibly go look online, and alas, I found Empty Closets, made an account, and started posting. I found that I wasn't alone, and that there were people who could relate to feeling lonely where they're at, and could give me good advice when needed. I never thought I'd become a daily poster, but the community was so nice, I just couldn't stay away.

I met some good friends here, ones that have been there for me, even when I felt no one else was. A few of them are Luthan, Eric, Colton, Aussie792, Perseus, Randy, AwesomGaytheist, ScatteredEarth, and countless others, and if I'm forgetting someone, I'm sorry. You have all made me a better person than I was a year ago, and I can't thank you enough for that. I don't like to go all "what if", but I feel that if I did not find EC when I did, I would be in a terrible place right now. Every single one of you always seems to make my day better whenever I'm feeling down, or make me laugh when I feel like I'm about to cry.

My life hasn't been all smiles and laughter in the past year, but it has been a hell of a lot better than it could have been. I'm officially out to everyone and proud about who I am, I found love for a short period of time (something I thought nigh impossible a year ago), my grandmother is recovering from a horrible injury she suffered in June, my parents have decided to quit smoking, and it goes on and on.

I don't know if this rambling is supposed to have a moral to it or not, but if I were to give it one, it would be as follows. Life isn't always a walk in the park. There will be times in life where you just want to fall to the ground and never give up. There may even be times in your life, you feel like ending it all. But sometimes in life, those shortfalls may be setting you up to go find something or someone that may turn your world upside down for the better.

I wasn't around whenever the late JayHew was here, but from things I've seen posted about him, he seemed like a wonderful man who saw the best in people, and wanted to help others. I think he summed it up best whenever he was talking to a young person considering ending their life, he said (paraphrasing) "There's not much in life worth dying for, but there's a lot of things in life worth living for." I'm not one that particularly believes in an afterlife, but if there is one, Jay is probably looking down over all of us right now, hoping that someone else can make a difference in someone's life.

Thank you if you read this far, and thank you so much for being here for me, EC.