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Dating in the Gay Community

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by Firephyz, Apr 10, 2014.

  1. Firephyz

    Regular Member

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     This might be a bit of a depressing thread but I'm just looking for advice, experiences or stories I guess. Lately, I've been thinking a lot about dating and the possibility of getting in a relationship with another guy (I haven't been in any relationships, gay or straight :icon_sad:slight_smile: This got me thinking about the situation that many of us are put into with only being able to date around 5% of the population. And to only make our chances even harder, you then have to ensure that your feelings towards eachother are mutual and that you are a compatible couple.

     I don't know, It just feels like finding somebody to be with for an extended period of time will be a nearly impossible task. Not to mention the disappointment of liking somebody at your school who you suspect might be gay or bi but have no solid information :bang: How are you suppose to have any chance if you are pretty masculine and don't appear to be the slightest bit gay?

     I know that once I get to college my horizons will open up enormously but dating just seems so impossible at this point. I know there are clubs/bars and dating sites and stuff but I'm just not really one to enjoy those things, especially when the majority of people there are just looking for one night stands and not an actual relationship.
     
  2. AKTodd

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    Saw your post early this morning, but had to get to work. Let's see if I can cheer you up a bit:

    First things first - I first figured out I was gay when I was in college (age 21 actually). Since then I've had 3 relationships ranging from a bit over a year, to three years, to my current one which has lasted 17 years and counting. I also had one near relationship that was very intense, but didn't work out, basically because the other guy hadn't yet accepted being gay and was determined to not be. I've also had my share of hookups and a friends with benefits kind of thing both of which were kind of fun.

    I'm also pretty masculine at first look - I'm a fairly big guy, I work out regularly, I did martial arts in college for a time, and I'm told I'm rather intimidating at times. At the same time I couldn't care less about sports, engines, hunting, etc. Make of all that what you will.

    Moving further afield, there are gay guys in sports, in the military, driving big rigs, farming, working construction and on cars. A lot of them have boyfriends and partners and husbands.

    The point being that it is perfectly possible to meet people and have long term relationships, even if you are not 'obviously' gay. Although, to be honest, you shouldn't simply dismiss the idea of associating with (or even dating/falling in love with) someone who is 'obviously' gay. A lot of 'obviously' gay people are also really nice people who make great friends who are fun to hang out with. Some of them may even turn out to be people you find yourself having feelings for if you allow yourself the option.

    As far as how you go about meeting people...

    Something that helps a lot is keeping your options open as I imply above. Get to know all kinds of people and be a good friend to those who are good friends to you, regardless of whether they are gay, straight, lesbian, transgender, masculine or fem. Even if none of them turn out to be relationship material for you, they may have a friend or relative who does. You might want to see if there is an LGBT group at whatever college you end up going to.

    Secondly, there are lots of options out there to meet people, whether for friendship or more. Not sure how old you are or what may be in play when you hit college, but these days there are things like Meetup.com, which can contain a whole variety of LGBT groups, from board games to hiking to fine dining to motorcycling and classic cars and lots else in between. The larger the population center the more groups there are, so if you're looking at colleges, somewhere with a lot of people might be a consideration. In addition, there are various kinds of LGBT sports groups in many places, including softball, flag football, and rugby. Even ice hockey in some places.

    Even bars and clubs and dating sites can be an option (and even a lot of fun) if you approach them with the right attitude. Mainly being clear about what you want, what you're not into, and being able to say 'No' (and mean it) when someone wants you to do something you don't. Advice that would apply whether you are gay or straight really.

    As far as being able to know if someone is gay or not - there really isn't a clear way other than for someone to be out and open about who they are - and you doing the same. Coming out should be something that you do on a schedule that is comfortable for you - but it does tend to clear up these sorts of questions.

    Hope this helps,

    Todd:thumbsup:
     
  3. Takine

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    hey my ideal is polyamory so I get to not only look for one person, but others as well...and I've never been with anyone properly.
    So, yeah I got a giant boulder to roll up a hill...