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What do you think is more important in understanding you sexuality?

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by MyLittleWorld, Apr 10, 2014.

  1. MyLittleWorld

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    Sexual attraction or emotional/romantic attraction?
     
  2. stocking

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    All of the above
    :slight_smile:
     
  3. Radioactive Bi

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    Both are important.
    I would say though; being true to yourself.

    Happy days :slight_smile:
     
  4. leer

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    it should never change who you are .
     
  5. FireSmoke

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    Both of them, I guess.
     
  6. Colours

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    Sexual attraction is a little bit more important if you ask me.

    I used to always be emotionally attracted to girls before realizing I am gay. But there was hardly any sexual attraction so things never worked out.

    When I discovered men, "love" was a whole new experience - because there's both emotional and sexual attraction.

    And the attraction towards girls is completely gone now. I can't really figure out why, guess that maybe I was subconciously forcing myself to like girls, to try and fit in.

    But I do agree that both are important. I just think sexual attraction is just a little bit more important. It ain't called sexuality for nothing. :wink:
     
  7. MyLittleWorld

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    I have to agree with you :wink: most of the time we fall for people we are attracted to first. For demisexual people it's different I think.
     
    #7 MyLittleWorld, Apr 12, 2014
    Last edited: Apr 12, 2014
  8. aldine

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    I could happily live all my life without sex if it's at the side of someone I love, so for me it's more important the romantic attraction. Sadly I feel romantically attracted to woman but sexually attracted to men :frowning2:
     
  9. Chip

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    They aren't really separate, in spite of the fact that many people make them out to be.
    Sexual orientation, at least as its understood by those who study the field, is a combination of both.

    So when trying to figure yourself out, your energy is probably best spent figuring out whom you are sexually attracted to, because the so-called romantic orientation is heavily affected by your own self-acceptance of your sexual orientation; the overwhelming majority of people who identify their romantic orientation one way and their sexual orientation the other way have not fully accepted themselves yet; the separation of labels is just a modern way of getting through the "bargaining' phase of self-acceptance, in the same way that older generations identified as "bi" when they weren't ready to accept that they were gay. (Not to say that there aren't genuinely people who are bisexual.)

    Once people are ready to fully accept themselves, most find that the two orientations come into alignment.
     
  10. aldine

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    I'm clear that I'm sexually attracted to men, but I can't feel romantic attraction to any men, how could that be?
     
  11. PatrickUK

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    I'd turn that question around and ask why do you think that might be?
     
  12. aldine

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    I don't know :frowning2:

    I've thought many things about it. Perhaps I've not found the right man, but being 27 years and having never been romantically attracted to any single man says me that perhaps I'm simply not into that. On the other hand, all my sexual fantasies have always been exclusively with men, and sex with women disgusts me, specially womans's genitalia.
     
  13. IsThisAName

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    I think sexual attraction is the easiest indicator of sexual orientation. For me, it's kinda easy to get romantic attraction mixed up with just liking someone as a person, when it comes to guys at least. I tend to get those two blurred, whereas I know that I'm not turned on by guys and even though I've tried to deny it, that itself is pretty apparent. But both are equally important in indicating your sexuality.
     
  14. Kreiger

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    For me, I initially had romantic feelings for girls, but I once I realized I was attracted to guys, I started getting emotional feelings for men, other than just their, ahem, package.
     
  15. Chip

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    Easy. You said yourself that you're not comfortable with being gay, aren't fully out, and are worried what your parents will think. *All* of those are going to influence how comfortable you feel with the idea of being with a guy, while the primal sexuality that drives physical attraction is a lot more difficult to control.

    Once you start to love and accept yourself for the gay guy you are, I think you'll find that the romantic attraction to guys will grow a lot stronger. There are a bunch of posts from people here on EC who have had the exact same thing happen to them.
     
  16. aldine

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    I feel mentally prepared for being gay, for loving a man, it's simply that no matter how I try I can't feel anything beyond lust for any man. If I fell in love with a man I would be happy that I can give my loved one romance and sex as he would expect. I would feel the same if I could give sex to a woman whom I love, but sadly it seems I just don't work that way :/ and that is hard for me, because I'm unable to have any long-term relationship.
     
  17. Pret Allez

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    Romanticism and sexuality are different.
     
  18. Saint Otaku

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    I don't really consider "romantic attraction" part of my sexuality. I don't even know if it exists as--what I believe to be--the biologically-influenced concept of sexuality exists; whenever I see "romantic attraction" defined, it sounds like the sort of bond I could have with a friend, which doesn't really ring "romance" to me. Perhaps my sexuality and romantic attraction are so in-line that I can't distinguish the two...
     
  19. ShadowJ

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    I'd say sexual attraction. Simply because I think the line between friendship and sexual attraction can be blurred when it comes to emotional attraction. Many people feel emotionally attracted to people that they wouldn't think of in a sexual way because they like them for who they are as a person. If you are sexually attracted to someone, that sort of reveals more about your sexual orientation.
     
  20. MyLittleWorld

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    That is my story...:lol: but how can our mind have so much control over us?