This is something I've thought about over the years. I've known some really strong women who are presumably straight and have some wimpy husbands who are presumably straight. Or are they? Now I'm not talking about a laid back husband who gets his point across or input in a decision in his laid back style while the wife rants and he just sort of ignores it. I'm talking about real doormat types. What I've seen is a few things: - the weak husband was/is in fact straight but just went for the strong woman - the weak husband was/is in fact straight and left the woman, to find another significant other who wasn't as overwhelming, either for the duration or just initially (until the honeymoon was over) - the weak husband was/is/could be G or B and periodically indulged his other needs - the weak husband was/is/could be G or B but so overwhelmed that he sort of stayed put and acquiesced so he didn't rock the boat Have you known of any situations where a weak husband was a real doormat and you had good reason to think he might have been gay or bi? I've known at least a handful. You can also comment on this dynamic.
Husband no but boyfriends yes Myself actually Both men turned out to be straight and were just wimps Now I'm not overbearing, but they made me look it in comparison I don't think there's a connection between a man being a doormat and secretly being gay. That's more of an issue of gender stereotypes. For example men are typically taught to be strong and in charge and women meak and submissive, but there is no correlation with gender, sex, and personality types. Purely my opinion and experiences
Well, my dad couldn't initiate something or stand up for something to save his life, I think. My mom is outspoken but she has given him every chance to be more of an actual parent and take more initiative with stuff, but he is just too laid back and complacent with everything for his own good. I've never gotten any vibe that he's gay, but he is very homophobic toward gay guys (doesn't have any problem with lesbians, of course... typical guy), so, ya know. I highly doubt he's gay though. Two of my uncles on the other hand (my dad's brothers), I have my suspicions with them. One uncle's wife is a total bitch and he makes my dad look like a dictator in comparison. He is the definition of doormat and is totally miserable in his marriage. I wouldn't be surprised if he were gay, but my dad's side of the family is devout Lutheran and he would be shunned by them. My other uncle isn't married but has been in a relationship with this girl for about 7 years. She lives a few hours away and visits when she can. She manipulated my uncle into buying her a house of her OWN (he isn't even living there) 3 hours away and he went with it. They aren't affectionate at all toward each other and act more like friends, and she has been begging him to propose to her but he has refused. I'm almost positive he must be gay and repressing it. It makes me feel sad for him, really, cause he's a great guy.
Maybe I was a doormat, maybe I wasn't. But I am pan, so that should help prove your hypothesis at least a teeny, tiny bit.
I've seen this dynamic before and it blew up like a volcano as the husband turned out not to be such a doormat. He'd been having an extra-marital affair for a long time and eventually left his wife. He'd obviously calculated how to do it and caused utter devastation when he did. Never judge a book by the cover!
I've been in a relationship like this before. I wasn't oppressing or suffocating him in any way, but my ex still tended to opt out of making his own decisions, hide when things went wrong in his own life and ask me to fix them, and seemed to be afraid of going anywhere or doing anything on his own. He was also extremely submissive in and out of the bedroom. I don't know if he was bi or not (he said he was straight, can only take people at their word in these things) but it did make for a terrible relationship dynamic where everyone assumed I was bossy and controlling. Whilst I'm fine with wearing the pants in the relationship - for obvious reasons - I felt like I had a toddler rather than a partner.
This is a phenomenon that goes deeper than individual cases, there really is a deficit of men with what can only be called "vitality". There are so many factors, but shame plays a big role, lack of role models, a general attitude of contempt for men, as men. Certainly in my province, and in my city, in certain parts of it there are about 50% single-person households. This is amazing but not limited to here, the phenomenon of single-persons living alone has grown everywhere. Yet the cure for this, getting into a relationship is precisely the wrong approach, because the main reason most people get into relationships is simply to not be alone. Whatever happened to desire? What has happened to that deep-seated, felt-in-the-groin desire to be with that person? Who is the one who will motivate you to explore any way possible to seduce and capture that person? Do you see the contrast? Deep, all-consuming desire vs. just not wanting to be alone...and desiring nothing more than to cuddle in front of the TV...isolating ourselves further by putting all our relationship needs onto that one person; loading that person with all our needs like loading a camel...no wonder camels spit!
