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Another 2 poems...feedback appreciated! (Michigan series-Growing up, PG-13))

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by HuskyPup, Apr 11, 2014.

  1. HuskyPup

    Regular Member

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    This is a pretty early poem, about my best friend in middle school. We'd sleep over in one of those pop-put campers, but on opposite ends, and well...we never touched each other, but we'd masturbate together. And do things like canoe on the lakes and swamps, and swim, and all that kind of thing. I miss those years.

    ~


    Summer Swamp

    Those nights we slept
    at opposite ends
    of the tent camper
    and beat-off together without touching
    I remember later
    how the raft’s cold, yellow plastic
    wrapped our naked backs
    parting swamp grass and algae
    grown heavy with heat,
    frogs pulled together in twos
    dragonflies buzzing in pairs like awkward birds-

    But we never laughed
    or tried to tip over
    into weeds
    and nests of fish eggs
    blinking up from circles of pale sand-
    We rowed quietly from opposite ends
    while I might have slept against your smooth reptile skin
    water trembling through vinyl
    with the weight
    of dragonflies and frogs
    calling out their one song.

    ~

    © HuskyPup, revised 2014


    And a companion poem,


    Winter Swamp

    We lost traction on steep banks,
    scraping knees and elbows
    oak leaves, sticks and snow
    down to that thin swamp ice
    stretched like skin
    over dark water
    cut by currents
    merging beneath that blue glass.

    We skated on our shoes
    past islands of snake-weed
    poking up
    among dead elms
    tracking water to the source,
    the stream letting in
    the ice splitting
    and hissing
    like our breath
    forced out together
    pulses racing
    as we slipped through
    and clung together
    as if this could save us
    from that cold, black silt
    opening around us
    like our first knowledge
    of this new sex.

    ~


    © HuskyPup, revised 2014
     
  2. AwesomGaytheist

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    Quite interesting. Poetry was never my forte, but I'm a fairly good writer.
     
  3. HuskyPup

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    Thanks! I thought I'd bump this up, as I was hoping for a few more comments.

    I'm going though this phase where I've been struggling for motivation to keep writing. I've had a lot of stress/depression that I'm trying to pull out of, and in the past writing has helped---though I can't seem to get the initial momentum rolling.

    I have some rough drafts I should turn to...if I can't think of anything new, it seems going back to old scarps sometimes works, as maybe the spark I was looking for will be there this time.
     
  4. YuriBunny

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    You're a good poet. ^.^