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Kindness or honesty...

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by Radioactive Bi, Apr 20, 2014.

  1. Radioactive Bi

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    Which do you think is most important? To be kind or to be honest to someone. Because, let's face it, the two are not always possible at the same time in every situation.

    Some say the truth can hurt. Sometimes being honest can hurt someone's feelings. Or perhaps a little white lie isn't so bad to spare some ones feelings...

    What do you think?

    Happy days :slight_smile:
     
  2. greatwhale

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    Kindness first and foremost, loving kindness. There is no reason to use the truth to hurt someone, there are other ways to point out a truth without malice.
     
  3. AlamoCity

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    I am sometimes torn because I prefer to be kind to others, but also truthful. Oftentimes I will say white lies to others because my personal opinions can come off as acerbic. Don't ask me if that dress makes you look far; I will bite my lip, hurt myself, and tell you a glowing lie :lol:.

    The truth is sometimes best kept hidden; the harshness and purity of the truth must be tempered with sagacity, both for our sake and that of others. As humans, we think that truth is absolute and freeing, but it is not always the case.
     
  4. Hexagon

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    I've thought about this intensively for some reason. I think in order to conduct ones self with integrity, we should try to be honest as much as possible. However, situations may arise in which honesty does too much harm. Unfortunately, we tend to consider harm in the short term, and selfishly. "If I tell him this, he will cry and I won't know what to do and it will be all weird." Rather than, "this truth will cause long term harm to this person." It's important to consider whether a person would want to know. Would you want to know in that position? It isn't possible to be perfectly accurate when considering the wishes of someone else, but we should try to do our best.

    I've been through this with my parents, both when something had been kept from me, and when it had been kept from someone else. Y parents, forever claiming to be perfectly honest, always seem to choose 'kindness' (selfishness, usually), and seem to define honesty in the very narrow sense of not telling direct lies, whereas I would define it as behaving in such a way that truths aren't concealed from people.

    In every situation with my parents, I would have wanted to be told the truth, and I wasn't.
     
  5. happydavid

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    Honesty but in a delicate way
     
  6. ChromeNerd

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    I prefer to be honest. I usually just avoid stating my opinion if I know it will hurt someone's feelings. It's a bit harder if they actually ask for my opinion.
     
  7. Nikky DoUrden

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    I agree!
    I also hurt myself even by making "white lie" in order not to hurt people, thats for random people, but with friends im more honest than anything because I expect them to be honest as well even if it hurts (*hug*)
     
  8. Foxface

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    I much prefer honesty
     
  9. kageshiro

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    Honesty. would be great if i could commit to that
     
  10. free1223

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    I think honesty first.
     
  11. PatrickUK

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    It depends on the situation. I'm inclined towards honesty, but if the truth will hurt someone I may take a different approach to be kind.
     
  12. FireSmoke

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    It depends but I say kindness because honest people think very often they are omniscient only because they tell their true point of view but this doesn't means they know all.
     
  13. Cass

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    It depends on the situation.
    Say you get asked out by someone you don't like, you have to say no, and as honest as you want to be it's not okay to be like "no way you're ugly and annoying" rather than say something kinder like "you aren't my type" or " were too good friends I don't wanna ruin that"

    I am an honest person, but I value others feelings, I am very practiced at being honest without being hurtful. Every now and then it gets hard though. I guess if I HAD to pick I'd be kindnes
     
  14. Browncoat

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    Here's the thing about false kindness...


    With social anxiety, I will out of irrational concern about how everything I communicate will be taken, even with truly kind comments I will worry about whether someone was "just saying that too be nice."

    However, the key reason I am worrying specifically about that is because I know some people will lie "just to be nice." So this lying in effect ruins any truly kind comments for me, since I have to wonder whether they meant it. If everyone just told the truth, this would not be an issue...


    Anyways, rambling aside, I have a strong preference for honesty. Or the "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all" adage.




    Or this would be awesome -
     
  15. Lawrence

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    Honesty is the best policy. 95% of the time. Even when it ain't pretty. I'm learning to be more graceful with brutal truth. You don't usually want to unsettle insecure people. You have to be VERY careful. My most frequent lie is "I'm okay." Many people say that one and it's often considered a social nicety. I say it in other situations as well, because some people don't understand my disorder and condition. So, I'll lie to save time and energy, if it doesn't hurt anybody. I think lying in that manner can be kind.
     
  16. Querying

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    I personally choose to be honest; however, it is probably not the best option when all of those around me choose to tell the white lies that make them more likeable people. However, there is a flip side; a lot of people, when they need an honest opinion, come to me because they know I'll tell them the truth, even if it's not what they want to hear.
     
  17. tscott

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    I would choose honesty, but with the caveat that it is not to be used as a club. It needs to be tempered with kindness.

    It's similar to etiquette. The rules of etiquette are there to make people comfortable. I was at a formal affair in D.C., and we were presented with finger bowls. One young guest started to drink it with a spoon thinking it was a course, the hostess a charming elderly lady began to do the same so as to not make her guest uncomfortable. My former mother-in-law, a stepmother loathed by the entire family, would have wielded etiquette as a club to show she was above the other person and dipped her fingers in the bowl, laughing about how gauche the person who mistook it as a palate cleanser or a course; thus discomforting the other person. Honesty is like that.

    Honesty even if unpleasent should never be used to intentionally hurt. It may hurt, but the intention is not to hurt, but to teach. I'm sure my D.C. hostess may have been honest with her young guest later on and in private, but did nothing to publicly embarass her guest.

    As far as the "does this make me look fat" situation you have to know the person...are they really fishing for a compliament, are they looking for reassurance, or do they really want an honest response. Those are considerations. You need to know with whom you're dealing and the situation. If the person is in a store I'd be more inclined to be upfront. If the person has already dressed and at the the door to be picked up and the outfit was not flattering, but clearly time had been spent to look what they thought was their best, then the little white lie, but if someone close is in the process of getting ready and your opinions asked for then being honest is a kindness. If it's something that can be changed, be honest, and if not, the white lie.

    Honesty is always key and should always be honorable. Kindness should also be used to leaven any any harshness that is unnecessary.
     
  18. An Gentleman

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    I just believe in doing whatever seems right. I'd say both kindness and honesty are important, and it depends on who you are trying to help.
     
  19. Daniel003

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    Honesty but kindness is. Important when using honesty
     
  20. Dryad

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    Honesty, but only when I have the right to interfere. Sometimes, I just shut my mouth and say nothing, because that's none of my business. But, when I speak, I speak honestly. Theoretically, I try to be at least polite... But I fail. :grin: