Do you think "invisible gays" should be more out?

What do you mean by more out?

 

If you mean what I presume... nope.

I'm a femme lesbian. Being a lesbian is a surprisingly small part of who I am and what I do on a daily basis. I'm not going to rearrange my life and the things that I do just because lesbians are "supposed" to be something. I'm not supposed to be anything. The fight for gay rights is a fight for being able to do whatever the hell you want as long as nobody is hurt. Wearing long hair and a dress is what I want out of life.

 

Uh.. no.

 

no.

 

"Should" is a dangerous word. Far be it from me to tell other people what to do with their lives. If people don't want to be out, then more power to them!

On the other hand: I know for a fact that many of the more invisible gay people out there are staying in the closet not because they want to stay in, but because they feel coming out isn't safe for them.
So I do hope that, in the end, most of them will end up in a safer or more comfortable place so that they can decide whether or not to come out without pressure!

 

Not if they don't want to be. It's a personal choice.

Happy days

 

Nope, people should act how they feel natural acting.

 

Who says they aren't "out" and/or being themselves by being masculine or feminine?

 

I think it's an odd conflation--being a masculine gay guy or a feminine lesbian and not being out. It seems to me almost like you are asking if people should be more stereotypical--and the answer to that one is a resounding no, people should be who they are.

As to whether people "should" be out I'm going to go out on a limb here (and I sense I might get crucified here for it) and say that, in general--and obviously individual circumstances will vary--people "should" be out. I think we have a moral obligation to each other, to gay people and to people in general to combat intolerance and ignorance, and I think a decent life lived honestly is the most powerful weapon any of us have. It's easier to hate in the abstract--than to hate your son, or mother, or the guy who cuts your hair or does your taxes. Sure, some people will manage anyway but more, in my experience, will eventually have that moment where they think--you're not what they told me you would be, and if you're not maybe the rest of "them" aren't either. I suppose in a way I am one of the potentially invisible gays you speak of--I'm responsible, hard working, devoted to one person and rather masculine (for the most part) and I guess I could pass if I wanted to... which is why I think it's particularly important that I don't do so.

I guess for me I think of all the kids out there killing themselves because they think they can't have the kind of life that I do--not that my life is so amazing, but it's... nice and for the most part pretty normal and filled with love and honesty... everything a lot of people like to tell gay kids they can't have. And I hate to think that there could be someone out there who gave up hope because they couldn't see that because I felt like being private or like it's really no one's business who I sleep with. That's just me... but it's how I think about it.

 

People missing the point here, OP didn't say "invisible gays should be visible"; they said that they should be more 'out'.

We keep complaining about stereotypes against the LGBT community, but if invisible gays were more out people would know that a gay guy is not only the feminine twink type who's into fashion and worships Gaga.

I once started a similar thread based on a Chris Crocker video where he says that straight-acting gays enjoy a duality of straight world and gay world at the same time, and so they don't feel like choosing one. This is totally fine if you ask me, because as was stated above being gay shouldn't change your way of life.
However, straight-looking gays who end up discriminating against feminine gays create this gay-to-gay hate that is one of the worst, and they can be as offending as straight homophobes, even on gay dating apps where they refer to feminine gays as 'princesses' and other derogatory terms. Feeling bad to show up in public next to a more girly guy - not because they're not attracted to him but merely because they care too much about their image, or choosing not to disagree on homophobic remarks that their straight friends tend to make shows, in my opinion, insecurity and unecessary hatred towards something that they actually are themselves.
So yes, they shouldn't be more 'visible', no one forces you to start wearing pink, but they should be more 'out', as in accepting who they are and consequently, who everyone is, and maybe this way the image that society has for gays will change too.

 

I think many of them are out already.
It's merely that stereotypes lead people to expect feminine gays and masculine lesbians.

 

Well, not in my country, that's for sure!

 

We are out. That's the point! Thinking that Femme lesbians and Masculine gay men are 'hiding' is just ignorant. Frankly, I am tired of this type of thought process. It's offensive. We hit on our sex, we appear at Prides, we go to gay and lesbian bars, we hold hands with our same sex lovers, and we tell people over and over that we are gay. People, DO NOT believe we are gay. Men STILL hit on me and when I say I am a lesbian they ask me "are you sure, you don't look/act/think like one". They hit on me in front of my wife, when we go to dinner or out to a movie. People think that if a woman wears a dress, makeup and heels she is looking that way to attract males. They refuse to accept that we may want to attract women. It's no just a straight thing, however. Even our OWN people do not see us as gay sometimes. Lesbians have seen me in a gay bar and asked me why I am there, I have been turned aside by gay men at the doors of others with a warning of 'you do know this is a lesbian bar right?' We simply are not what straight and other gay people think of as gay. It's their problem not ours. What do you expect us to do? Tattoo 'I am gay' on our foreheads? Maybe people should stop judging by stereotypes.

 

What exactly do you mean by "more out"?

 

I don't see what being a feminine lesbian/masculine gay guy has to do with being out. I'm a feminine girl and everyone still thinks I'm lesbian. Sometimes I have a hard time convincing people that I like other genders too.

Besides that fact, I don't think anyone should be anything they don't want to be.

 

^This exactly. It's amazing what I can say, what hints I can drop, what I can wear, and people continue to treat me like they think I'm straight. I don't think I should have to announce myself to every acquaintance I work with. Just like I don't announce to people what kind of a diet I'm on, or my grandma's health conditions, or my religious or political views. Some things just don't have an easy place in the conversation, and who I would like to have sex with is still kind of private.

It absolutely sucks that we still live in a "straight until proven queer" kind of society. Why don't men ask me if I'm straight before hitting on me? It bothers me, but I am so non-confrontational, to the point of being a serious problem. It's time for some serious consciousness-raising in this country. But I'm sure there must be a better way to do it than "oh by the way, in case you didn't notice it, I'm queer."

 

I'm not one to talk, because I'm slightly femme and don't think I come across as gay, and I don't spread the word like wildfire either. But it'd be helpful if femmes/masculine gay guys were out more. Although I like the shock of when I find out a super feminine girl is gay. It's a pleasant surprise, like "damn, you're gay too?!? You're so hot! Score!" :roflmao:

 

You mean they should agree with gender-policing and "confirm" their sexuality by behaving as they're expected to?

Absolutely not!