Do you ever feel like you can drop obvious hints or cues, and people are inevitably going to miss it? Like they'll still find a way to fit you into the straight box even so? I feel like this is more of a problem for me as a woman than it would be as a man. I can dress in a way that seems androgynous to me, but instead of people seeing that and thinking "queer," they think "businesslike" or something like that, but still straight woman. It's easier for people to write off masculine clothes on a woman as frumpy or lazy without thinking "dyke," but if I were a man and I did kind of what I'm doing, I probably would hear "fag" more often. I mean, I feel like, I can't be that femme, I bike 20 miles a day just for the fun of it and I don't shave my legs, but because I'm petite, kind of shy, and have a high voice, people are still going to see me as delicate and feminine and therefore straight. Why aren't people seeing all this obviously queer stuff about me? Does anyone else feel misread or misinterpreted, like straight people are speaking a different language?
I'm almost always looked at as straight. I don't fit the gay stereotypes that are placed on most lesbians. It does kind of get to me sometimes because I just wish some people would be able to look at me and go oh she's gay. It would make life so much easier, without having to go through the whole coming out to everyone who asks whether I have a boyfriend or not. But I guess that's just the way life is for some of us.
Most of the time people misread me because they wouldn't consider the possibility of me being out of the 'norm'. (LGBT is a taboo subject with some people here.) Other than that, they do use a lot of stereotypes to read others.
For some reason, people frequently read me as bisexual... I'm not offended by it but I just get extraordinarily irritated if a straight guy hits on me (if he's gay, I'll laugh it off and not mind)
Yea, sometimes I write in irony (I talk the whole day in irony or even sarcastic) and I have to write 'that was in irony'. Why isn't there an irony emoticon? Life would suck a little less! Just kidding. I love life. Wait, was that irony? Seee???
People often read me as being a lesbian, which is not even accurate. I'm a gay man, but it seems like I'm frequently read as being a gay woman. I'm working on passing better so this doesn't continue to happen. I think that if I wasn't forced to introduce myself as my husband's wife, I could pass at least marginally better.
Um... Yea. I try to give hints. I tried to open the subject of the meaning about Frozen's music as well as clothing choices, like wouldn't I look cute in that, appearing to be facetious but entirely serious. So either I'm not dropping good hints or I'm not having people pick up what I'm putting down.
I get read as a gay man, instead of a non binary pansexual... I'm fine with that, it's better than being thought of as a straight man... that would suck and would not be able to deal with that.
They do. But that's intentional. Raised by a very conservative family, was married to a conservative person, and work at a very conservative business. So mastering the stealth life has been a means of survival for me. Although starting to really tire of keeping up the charade (besides feeling false to myself). Starting to drop more and more hints all the time, but still seem to be flying under the radar. I feel like the drunk in the cartoons who still somehow manages to walk that tightrope.
I have no idea. I've had a few people say they knew I was gay, but others said it wasn't blatantly obvious. I haven't come out to an overwhelming amount of people so it's hard to know yet what everyone else is thinking. I always wonder if people can tell though.
I put myself in a situation that gets me misread all the time, but because of that more people assume I'm straight. Then I have people say oh I didn't know you were married because they assume that I'm gay. But I guess when I was super confused growing up then it stands to reason some others might be.
Well, generally, I think there's a presumption of heterosexuality until proven otherwise. I'm an attorney and on a typical day, I wear the following: very tailored slacks, very tailored blouses (Read: Jones New York button-down, long-sleeved shirts, or a sweater set, or a variation thereof). My hair used to be very long but now I cut it in a chin-length BOB, I wear plain earrings (e.g., pearls, studs) , DO NOT wear makeup EVER, and I have a penchant for super-slim men's watches. My shoes tend to be either flats, loafers or very high wedges. I also do not wear nail polish--my nails are tripped and buffed but not polished. Would you perceive it to be "lesbian," or "professional? Some of my colleagues tell me I dress like a "sexy lesbian librarian," and I smirk internally. I know they mean it in jest, but they fail to see what I'm putting out there. Or just maybe, there really isn't a "lesbian look," as they say. Shrug. ETA: Maybe it's the BIG boobs that makes people think I'm a heterosexual!
