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Have you ever overcompensated because of your sexual orientation/ gender identity?

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by AlamoCity, Apr 25, 2014.

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  1. AlamoCity

    AlamoCity
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    Have you ever overcompensated because of your sexual orientation/ gender identity?

    For example, as an gay, bisexual and/or trans male, did/do you ever pick activities or mannerisms that are socially considered as "masculine" for cisgender heterosexual males?

    Or, as a lesbian, bisexual, and/or trans female, did/do you ever pick activities or mannerisms that are socially considered as "feminine" for cisgender heterosexual females?

    It's interesting because a lot of what we consider "masculine" and "feminine" is created by social norms and perhaps not influenced much by nature (i.e. whatever natural phenomena involved in causing us to be LGBT). But social factors can be so powerful that it leads us, even subconsciously, pick up traits meant of "normal" males and females. Girls might learn it's OK to sew and mend clothes while boys may be taught to change tires and oil; boys may be socially expected to like football (or European football :grin:) and girls may be socially expected to like shopping.

    Of course, those are gender roles aren't always true, but at the same time can serve as safe harbors when navigating the treacherous waters of sexual and/or gender identity.

    Some areas where we might have overcompensated include clothing tastes, music preferences, mannerisms, entertainment preferences, etc.

    ******************

    I personally overcompensated a bit in high school and early college when I would go along with the other guys and agree that "so and so" was hot, even though by then I knew full well that I was gay.
     
    #1 AlamoCity, Apr 25, 2014
  2. rainmustfall

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    Re: Have you ever overcompensated because of your sexual orientation/ gender identity

    Oh yeah. When I was transitioning I tried to be super feminine. I think a lot of this was due to fear of being denied help and other people's expectations of gender identity. Eventually I realized that was foolish and just focused on being comfortable and everything just clicked. Also I tried forcing myself to try traditional dating for a while even though I knew I was demisexual, and eventually realized that simply did not work for me due to how attraction works in my case.
     
    #2 rainmustfall, Apr 25, 2014
  3. An Gentleman

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    Re: Have you ever overcompensated because of your sexual orientation/ gender identity

    I may have overcompensated when I signed up for weights class despite the fact that I am far from fit.
    I need to at least be a healthy BMI (and for a trans male like me, it would be pretty dang hard, considering the optimal situation is to maintain a weight that is safe for women but around the male range, if that is even possible).
     
    #3 An Gentleman, Apr 25, 2014
  4. juliegt6

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    Re: Have you ever overcompensated because of your sexual orientation/ gender identity

    Not really. I work as a software engineer, but also have had side jobs in cosmetics. I am big into cars and motorcycles. I own and shoot guns. I also have a collection of cosmetics that is frighteningly large. If something interests me, I just go for it.
     
    #4 juliegt6, Apr 25, 2014
  5. Techno Kid

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    Re: Have you ever overcompensated because of your sexual orientation/ gender identity

    If I like something I do it! That's how I live my life. :slight_smile:
     
    #5 Techno Kid, Apr 25, 2014
  6. Rakkaus

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    Re: Have you ever overcompensated because of your sexual orientation/ gender identity

    I overcompensated because of my sexual orientation...when I was deeply closeted and didn't want to give even the slightest hint of homosexuality.

    For me that manifested itself primarily in deliberately dressing myself sloppily and poorly, because straight guys shouldn't care about fashion.

    But even as a closet-case, I couldn't force myself to muster up even the slightest interest in sports. I did play golf for a bit so I could say I have a 'sport' (even though golf isn't the most masculine of sports), since boys are always asked what their "sport" is, as if being born with a penis means you must have a "sport" you like to play, even though I had and have zero interest in playing or watching any sports.

    As I've come out of the closet though, those "overcompensating" traits dissipated. One of the first indications as I went through the coming-out process to myself was that I started dressing much more colorfully, I bought my first pair of skinny jeans, I wore bright colored t-shirts with scarves and colored Converse sneakers (I kinda dressed like a hipster I suppose), it was a slowly liberating process.

    Now I'm proud to be gay, and proud to exhibit all the "stereotypical" gay traits that I had kept buried within me for so long, even though sadly even within the gay community there is self-loathing and prejudice against "stereotypical" femme gay guys.
     
    #6 Rakkaus, Apr 25, 2014
  7. ChromeNerd

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    Re: Have you ever overcompensated because of your sexual orientation/ gender identity

    Not much. I did have a phase where I constantly complained about not having a boyfriend. I was mostly doing that to convince myself to start liking guys.
     
    #7 ChromeNerd, Apr 25, 2014
  8. resu

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    Re: Have you ever overcompensated because of your sexual orientation/ gender identity

    I overcompensated in my hobbies. I was always artistic and creative, and when I was really young, I sometimes did crafts like cross-stitch with my mom. As I got older and learned what activities were considered "feminine", I steered toward the fine arts like painting and music. I wouldn't say it was overcompensation since a lot of what I did was still considered feminine, like playing flute, so I guess I kind of took a middle path, where people could never be sure of my sexuality.

    I was a little like Rakkaus in not dressing well; but my parents wouldn't allow me to look like a slob. It was more like I didn't dress to impress anyone. As for sports, the closest thing I got to was marching band, lol!
     
    #8 resu, Apr 25, 2014
  9. Sorceress of Az

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    Re: Have you ever overcompensated because of your sexual orientation/ gender identity

    I feel that I should avoid "overcompensating" and try to just do what feels natural and be myself.
     
    #9 Sorceress of Az, Apr 25, 2014
  10. Sarcastic Luck

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    Re: Have you ever overcompensated because of your sexual orientation/ gender identity

    No, not really. I've always had some maleish interests, plus I've known guys that weren't really what you'd consider stereotypical in their interests.
     
    #10 Sarcastic Luck, Apr 25, 2014
  11. AudreyB

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    Re: Have you ever overcompensated because of your sexual orientation/ gender identity

    Yes and I'm ashamed to say how.
     
    #11 AudreyB, Apr 25, 2014
  12. Kreiger

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    Re: Have you ever overcompensated because of your sexual orientation/ gender identity

    Sometimes when chatting with friends I'm not out to, men or women, and we're talking about attractive people, I'm careful not to talk about boys, just girls. I'll come out eventually, but I'd rather my senior year be less eventful than being the only (recognized) gay in my class.
     
    #12 Kreiger, Apr 25, 2014
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