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Life is more clear when family is far away.

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by dano218, Apr 25, 2014.

  1. dano218

    Regular Member

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    Location:
    Minnesota
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Last September I made quit my job and made the move without my family knowing a thing. They did not deserve to know my plans as they would not approve of them and make it worse. I had to make the hard decision to protect my relationship with my boyfriend and because our happiness counted on leaving our families.

    Even though my parents said they accepted my sexuality and wanted me to be happy when hey found out I was gay I always knew deep down it was not easy thing for them. Telling their church, or community was not an option and never will be. They did not mind me telling all the relatives after graduation but still my sexuality was a well kept secret. You think you have it easy coming out and being accepted by your parents but their is a fine line between acceptance and understanding the problems we as a community face.

    My parents always referenced my sexuality as a choice that was up to me and told me to respect opinions that reject my sexuality. They always praised me for keeping my sexuality a secret especially during my sister's wedding and while my younger sister was in school so it would affect them. Doing them a favor did not bother me until I realized it was a selfish thing for them to do on their part. To praise me hiding who I simply was not healthy and lead me to attempt suicide several times. Realizing the real harm my parents placed on me I am not regretful for living far away from home because my parents never treated me with the same amount of respect they give everyone else. Knowing this I realized I don't owe them anything. I don't owe them a apology or a long explanation when they deeply affected my romantic relationship and made up a lie so I would potentially break up with this guy they did not approve of because of their own insecurities.

    So that said being far away made me realize truly am as I a person and how parents intentions where only was best for them not for me.
     
  2. Argentwing

    Full Member

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    Out to everyone
    I'm glad for you. They really did create the most insidious kind of hostile environment-- the passive-aggressive kind where it looks like they do it out of love.

    Here's to the next stage of your life. :slight_smile:
     
  3. resu

    Advisor Full Member

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    Some people
    I'm sorry you had to take a drastic decision. However, I would suggest that you don't completely cut off contact with your parents. You don't have to talk to them now or even for a long time (years), but I think deep down you still would want them to eventually accept you fully and without reservations.