Why Are All the Hot Guys Crazy Assholes and the Nice Guys Ugly?

You seem like a pretty nice guy, myth busted

 

Yeah...

In my experience, the cute girls aren't my type, the guys are either straight or chasers, and both aren't attracted to men like me, you know what I'm saying?

If I meet the holy trinity that is rather good looking, intelligent (very important to me, btw), and interesting then chances are s/he'll be living in some eastern state or other country.

Patience. That seems to be the key. That and some damn good luck. I've been trying dating sites but kinda chickening out because I worry once I connect with someone and they want to meet, then they'll turn me down once I get upfront with them about my issue.

 

There are several guys, in their 20's and 30's, on EC that have pics of themselves posted that are hot in my opinion. Plus the are super nice too.

Rakkaus, give it time. It will happen. Remember best things come to those who wait.

 

No, it's not fair to date a guy you aren't attracted to.

But...one thought hits me. Have you tried spending any time with guys who, on the surface, aren't quite what you want as far as looks? For example, do you only take a quick look at the photo on the dating web site, and decide no? It might--and I say might--be worth trying at least a casual real world meeting. Maybe--and I say maybe--you'll find the guy more attractive than you do seeing a photo.

This seems crazy. But a woman I knew years back actually was involved in a study that showed that the closer it gets to closing time in the bar, the more beautiful the women get. The study even got federal funds, IIRC. Your tax dollars at work. The conclusion was that yes, women get more attractive. Not because the men are drunker (although that may help :lol but because as the evening passes, the men and women talk. And the men get to see something deeper than surface beauty.

I saw this happen in my own life about a year ago. I spent some time in a church, and met one member. He was OK looking...but the more I talked to him, the more I thought "haul me to the Boom Boom Motel. I'm all yours!" Unfortunately, he had a wedding ring. Even more awkward: his wife, as it turned out, was the minister of that church. :icon_redf

 

Let me tell you, not all nice guys are ugly

Plus, I did not my boyfriend was hot when I met him, but I got to know him and he became more actrative

Maybe that'll work for you?

 

of course being a gay guy sucks, after all it's what we enjoy to do sometimes :icon_wink

but in any cases, nahhh you just have bad experiences that's all. look at it this way; when you look at the bad things in life, try to look at the good. yea a lot of guys around our age just wanna bone, but that doesn't mean it makes them all the same. some guys really want a relationship. looks, weight, or even sex can always be improved. you can't always have the perfect trinity. there's always bound to be flaws within a person to begin with. no one is perfect. at all. lol, it's a good start that you're looking into yourself on what might be going wrong.

 

It could be because the assholes are too busy trying to be this perfect Adonis to develop things like actual friendships or emotions other then anger or completely not giving a fuck about anyone.

 

I think there really are a lot of great guys who are also hot. I think it takes a little more digging to get to the great on a hot guy--maybe it's because they don't really need to be that great for most guys, hot is enough. But in my experience--and again it's just my experience, and if my time on EC has taught me anything it is that my life is completely charmed and unrepresentative (it's funny because before this board I thought I'd had a pretty rough row to hoe)--a lot of the guys who you would think don't have anything below the surface are actually fascinating sweet guys who are just waiting for someone to notice that rather than just that they have deltoids the size of your head. Anyway, just my experience. Keep the faith!

 

Well...what I try to tell myself is that all I need to do is find that ONE special guy... Don't know if this advice works for you. It works for me. Some of the time, at least...

 

Seems like I fit the latter category. I don't think I'm ugly but, as I've made mention to a bazillion times, many let simple things absolutely cloud their minds. I don't have a picture up of myself on outlets I use, for my own reasons.

Usually guys will start talking to me anyways if they like my profile or something and seem to enjoy chatting and I end up getting asked 'what is a guy like you doing here?', 'There's something different about you compared to other guys here', or I get the comments about how I'm nice/sweet/don't give a crap about sex/ya di da.

Then when I'm comfortable enough and they ask if they could see the guy they're talking to, I tend to get the 'sorry, I'm not attracted to black guys' treatment, even after I've(and sometimes they've) made it clear about how I'm(they're) pretty much looking mainly for new friends since I'm still adjusting to things.

I have to say that I agree with this personally. It's obvious that we're all not going to find everybody attractive, but a lot of people will instantly write off someone that they have a lot in common with, even if they seem to look okay(as in not exactly ideal).

Although not on a 'omg let's date' kind of level, I've had examples of this happen before. One is a family friend of mine. On first glance, he's just a big ehhhh(or 'ew' as some have put it), but he's a pretty amusing guy to be around and, sometime after getting to know him, he looks the same obviously but... there's something that just reads cute about him to me that I can't quite put my finger on...

 

That's a little melodramatic. 23 isn't "old". I think this is your anxiety issues speaking; you look fine to me (not my type, but you're not bad looking either). And do people really want to find a date as soon as they're born? Damn, that's some Freudian shit right there. :icon_eek:

 

22 years of waiting and not one long term relationship =)
you're being over dramatic haha, it takes time to even know a person very well.
if you're at that stage where you rather look at hot guys around you instead of focusing on a decent looking guy that you're on a date with, i think it's not that time to date yet.
let's say you snag a hot guy and a few dates, what's else is there to talk about, other then oogle at him? you still got a long life ahead of you. don't rush it before you might make a mistake

 

It may seem dramatic to say you'll die alone at that age but I don't see a problem with at least having some concern or feeling...behind.

It's not necessarily that some guys are trying to get a date as soon as they are pushed out, but rather hoping to have some experience over time so maybe it makes things a bit smoother for when that special someone comes along?

From the perspective of someone who hasn't dated at all yet, I know I feel weird at the thought of finding someone later in life who may seem like 'the one' and, due to the result of lack of experience, end up messing up any and everything because of that.

I feel some people overlook the value of time sometimes.

 

Where do you meet these people? If you're using online dating or hookup apps, you probably won't find what you're looking for.

To find a decent person, you'll probably need to look around the real world - meetups, queer sports teams, drama groups, choirs, even LGBT-focused youth centres - in a progressive area like NYC (and probably also upstate), there are probably plenty of opportunities to meet relatively sane people (even just as friends). I know that it's hard to do that with social anxiety, but perhaps with the help of medication and therapy, you'll be able to get out there.

Otherwise, you'll need to change your taste in men.

 

Based on the shallowness of your post I don't see what you're problem is. You may be nice, but you aren't really a nice person. Considering you are willing to cut people out of your life that aren't that physically attractive.

This is why whenever I used to go on random hookup sites, I would talk to people first, before getting to see what they look like. That way I could weed out shitty personalities.

Also, I am not that attractive and I am not that mentally stable, so already debunked you're theory. I am unbelievably nice to people as well, and again I am a little crazy, I pretty much can turn anything said to me as an insult.

I almost find that the better looking someone is the more sane they are, unattractive people have to deal with realizing how shitty the human race really is, and how animalistic we really are(based on how we desire good looking people).

Most animals are fine with fucking eachother as long as the female is fertile, and the male is dominant and strong enough. Nothing to do with looks, us and maybe a few tropical birds may be the only ones that are obsessed with looks to the point of it actually being mentally unstable.

The human race will survive through sex, not through faces, and it survives through intelligence and strength, I don't understand how facial symmetry got to denote attractiveness but it did.

Personally for me I am more attracted to intelligence and humour than anything, not really attracted to larger guys; because YOU CAN CHANGE THAT. But if a guy I didn't think was goodlooking was smart and especially funny enough for me, then I wouldn't really care what they looked like, and that's the honest truth. I'm lucky I got a smart and good looking boyfriend, but if I didn't have him I would still be open to less attractive guys.

Start getting to know these less attractive guys and you may find yourself actually attracted to them.

It's weird to admit, and may be one of the unique things of being gay, but when I see a good looking guy, I do not think "I wish I could fuck him", I think " I wish I looked like that" or " Fuck that asshole ". It's all jealously for me, and at least I can admit that. I even get jealous of my boyfriends skin, and how he is more filled out than me(beefier).

But straying away from conversation there.

There are no defining personalities for people.

One thing I do find is attractive people might not be as funny as less attractive people. I generally find the better looking you are the less funny you are.

THIS is not in my opinion because of genetics, but more conditioning.

A)When you are good looking, for the most part everything is positive, everything is happy, everything is great. So you're mind may not wander from the norms as often as say an ugly person who has to approach life from different angles and think differently(remember humour is basically this : Providing a solution to a problem that is not generally the norm, it's about the element of surprise and violating what we think is right). A good looking person is never challenged as much as ugly people, so they aren't ever thinking as abstractly.

B) Another reason good looking people in my opinion tend to be less funny is people fake laugh at their jokes. Everyone knows that good looking people get laughs no matter what they say. If I tried some of the same crap jokes on girls that I see guys do, I wouldn't get a smirk. Which is why I know I actually am funny, because I can make basically anyone laugh; but my boyfriend, and it's not forced, or people aren't exactly 100% positive on me to begin with, so I have to win them over. However if you were always laughed at when joking you wouldn't know what is funny, and what isn't.

I know this is 100% and good looking people can be funny, but I generally find, that the funniest people are generally less attractive. The top 5 funniest people I know are all not that attractive, and none of the best looking people I know would I consider to be super funny. A couple are funny at times, but they haven't made me die of laughter like a lot of ugly people do.