Why do lesbians turn butch after coming out?

Even when they have a butch look they still seem to have feminine mannerisms.

Otherwise known as a regular human being?

Literally EVERYONE has diversity of mannerisms...nobody sticks religiously to their stereotype...

 

If you're trying very hard to be seen as straight, it pays to act/dress/be as feminine as possible for you. When you let go of the facade of "straightness", I think it's only natural to explore what kind of gender expression was "forbidden" to you. Then, you can finally settle in to what feels right because you've tried out a few things and figured out where you're comfortable.

At least, that was the case for me when I came out as a lesbian quite a while ago.

 

Maybe because they're femminist. Or because they want to pick up femme lesbians making themselves more "visible".

 

Are you implying that all lesbians have to be butch at some point in their lives?

^^ This.

 

I understand very well why a woman would want to put her sexuality on display. I would love to be able to do that myself but unfortunately short hair doesn't suit me, I love make up too much and only buy dresses and blouses. Always being seen as straight can get tiring and disappointing. I really envy butch women for this, they don't even have to say anything to be noticed. So awesome. And then they also look hot, what more do we need?

 

I think the reasons differ for each person. Maybe she finally feels free to be herself. Maybe she is trying to become more visible in the lesbian community.

It's funny though. The opposite has happened with me. I've found myself becoming more feminine as I've started coming out and accepting myself.

 

Many act as conforming to the "straight" orientation of course to not have anyone suspect them of being lesbian while they're in the closet. Once you're out & free you can be yourself. I do agree that some who come out will go out of there way to conform with their sexual orientation, but for the most part, to me if you're femme, you're femme, if you're not, you're not.

---------- Post added 28th Apr 2014 at 11:49 AM ----------

I agree!

 

Maybe they're trying to fit in better with glbt community cause there is this feeling of alienation from straight people once you discover you're different. There is no harm in trying, maybe it will suit them, maybe it won't. It's sort of like trying out a new haircut. You might like it or you might go back to the old one eventually.

 

Actually, this behavior is not dissimilar from MtF people once they're finally able to be out. Many do seem to "try too hard" at first, which I think is simply the human animal in experimental stage. Several of the responses above do a good job of explaining this phenomenon.

 

I didn't think short hair was necessarily "butch." I prefer a VERY tailored chin-length BOB over every other haircut--and I'll tell you that I have THAT hair--you know, THE HAIR that women drool over.

FTR, I came out earlier this year and I've not changed my way of dress--nor my mannerisms.

 

I have a chin-length bob too, actually. :icon_bigg
I didn't know women were particularly into that...

 

:roflmao:

Tell you what, my friends and women around me have "hair envy." I sometimes have to stop complete strangers from touching my hair!

I have that thick, black, straight Latin hair that, if you take care of it, will look like a hair commercial. And, I'm a TAD obsessive about it. I learned rather young to blow dry it like they do at the salon, so my hair is always "done." (Three times a week, I wake up at 4:30 am to style it) I also pay a small fortune for haircuts (200.00) so it always look nice. Right now I have a stacked BOB that is a bit longer than chin-length, but it WAS chin length when I first cut it.

I've had my hair cut shorter than this, but I've never looked "butch."

 

My hair is the exact opposite.

It looks OK after I get out of the shower, but within a few hours, it looks REALLY thin and greasy! My mom has THICK and beautiful hair, but I got my birth-father's shitty hair, unfortunately...

There are probably supplements I can take to make my hair thicker, but my family is lower-middle class, so if they're expensive, it's out of the question. My mom has had me go years without a haircut.
Sometimes, we can barely afford to eat, much less look nice. I'm usually only allowed to take about 2-3 showers a week, 4 or 5 if I'm lucky.

I can't wait until I move out and become financially independent. I'm SICK of living this way. I like being CLEAN.

 

I'm SO SORRY!!! It will happen! Trust me! I know of what I speak. FWIW, I don't really think that supplements will make a difference (my hairdressers tell me) but I think you may need to find a hair care routine that works for your type of hair. Once you do, even if you can only take 2-3 showers a week, your hair can look nice. I don't wash my hair daily--I only do so 3 times per week (4 if I have to go out during weekends) but I've found what works for me. If you can do that, then you're set....I think anyone can have "good hair" if you just find the right things for it.

{sending you a hug and good vibes}

 

I have short hair and am Femme. I have never, ever been butch, but I have pretty much always had short, or pixie length hair. What does hair have to do with being butch or femme? I don't get this. What makes a butch is the female masculinity energy. You can't hide it, no matter how you dress, or how you wear your hair. What makes you femme is your female energy. Not what you wear or how you have your hair. So, you cannot change from butch to femme and such. You are what you are. People don't always know what they are when they come out, so they may try different looks until they get comfortable with who they are...they may chop their hair off short, they may grow it out long, they fit what others THINK is the butch or femme stereotypes, but in actuality, they do not change what they are. Which is butch or femme.

 

I think it's just a self exploration thing.

Personally, I was feminine before and after coming out.. but some women are intrigued by the idea of appearing less feminine and they have the right to explore that if they want to. even people who are not coming out explore different parts/sides of themselves.. it helps you grow and learn who you really are.