Typical Life of Being Transgender?

I did not realize I was trans* until this year. : 3

I feel like I'm in the middle of male and female (both and neither at the same time) That is another way you can be trans*

I hate being called male pronouns! It just kills me! :tears: I am not I man :***: It has been a bad day for pronouns... sorry. :/

Hair besides the top of my head and eye brows sucks! I think my hands and feet are too big... I want them to be cute. My voice is also not femme enough.

Ohhh good things too!! I like that I can see the world from a unique perspective.

 

I figured out like a year or so ago I didnt really mark it on a calender . What I find to be my biggest struggle is bodily dysphoria everything feels off and wrong like im being betrayed by my own body. And uhhh good things well I guess id rather be a transman then a cisfemale.

 

Well, Its kind of hard to explain everything and this might turn out pretty long... So, here's a little about me I guess.

I remember feeling different from a young age but I think everyone feels different so that doesn't really mean much. I was taught what was expected of boys and anytime I deviated from the norm my mother would tell me about how I would be mocked at school. Shes the only one who ever mocked me or taunted me though. I always liked "chic" music and was prodded at sometimes for that though. I like a ton of "guy" things on top of that like video games, fishing, camping, ect so that made me second guess everything for the longest time.

So, when did I start putting things together... It started for me at puberty. I didn't like the changes happening with my body but I put it out of my mind. Later on I started feeling resentment for the hair on my body, my "you know what", body build, pretty much everything that testosterone does to the body. I didn't know that there was a word for what I was feeling and I was depressed and confused. So I did what any teen does and asked the internet. There was lots of denying it, suppressing it, trying so hard not to be me. But it eventually wears you down.

I finally accepted it a while back. This site and the support of my friends have been tremendous in doing so. My parents hate me for it though. There very religious and to them I've denounced god by being me (I've been agnostic/ an atheist for a long time so I think they just needed something to blame for that). My mom burned the female clothes I ordered after I wore them a handful of times and made sure I knew how much of a deviant perv I was. My dad avoids it and sides with my mom. Apparently just being out is "shoving the gay agenda down their throats".

I don't really have female stuff anymore since my parents have said that if they find any more theyre getting a divorce and were moving. Well, I should say theyre moving I'd probably end up on the street. I use the support of my friends as a crutch and Im more or less just going through the motions until I can move away. It kinda sucks though putting on a mask each morning and not opening up your true self...

 

Ah...

I've always been attracted to the female aesthetic as well as ability to behave in certain ways that I want to but am judged harshly on for being genetically XY.

I'd really like to be biologically female but retain my male tendencies yet be able to show emotion publicly.

Frankly I've always been emotional, had some feminine qualities, and had always been interested in female clothing and body form. Such beautiful examples of the Homo sapiens species...

I had these feelings since... Shit... Middle school? They were repressed, reexposed in high school, explored as a "cross dressing" phase. More exploration in grad school but too scared to present female in public. Now I have been out female in public and it isn't that hard although the general public has no idea who I am, only two people am I out to.

And I definitely don't want to be seen by anyone from my job...

The life of transgender people can be extremely closeted, to entirely out and even medically transitioned or somewhere in between like genderqueer, gender less or bigender (technically that's where I'm at although I more strongly identify as female and desire that' therefore I identify as female (trans*) because that's the most accurate label for me despite not being able to fully transition, frankly I cannot be presented as female all the time, and I'm not bodily dysphoric so that's ok I guess...)


As has been said. Varying types of transgender people are out there. We are all unique.

 

Basically this but without the mocking.

 

Well let's see.

I remember I could feel these feelings of something is wrong, at the early age of 5. I couldn't quite put my finger on it though. My parents allowed me to grow up as the tomboy I was, so I thought I was one of the guys. And to be honest I thought everyone felt the way I did, so I thought nothing of it.

I had days where I'd throw temper tantrums when I had to anything girly come into my life. I remember one occasion where my mom had bought me a quilt for my bed and it had small flowers on it (you could barely see them) and I threw a fit. I would cry and cry and cry. I also remember the time when I had to wear my first dress, when I was 8...oooh bad times. I threatened to cut the dress up with scissors, I was so pissed off. The only way my parents got me in that dressed was two things: 1) they let me wear shorts underneath and 2) my dad gave me a Denver Broncos watch to wear. As soon as the ceremony or whatever was done I ripped that thing off.

So growing up I always thought I was a weird girl. Never once did "being a guy trapped in a girl's body" come to mind. I felt bad about it. Middle school was awkward, I refused to acknowledge the fact that I was going to hit puberty, start my period, grow boobs, etc. And when the boobs did grow in it took me a very long time to finally wear a bra of some sort. High school, it was more of the same but I thought I "outgrew" my tomboy phase and started becoming more of a girl. I expressed myself as emo/punk-ish, because I thought maybe that would help, and it did kinda. I wore skinny jeans, form fitting shirts, had long hair; but no make-up. That was a huge no-no, always have been.I remember some kids would ask me if I was a boy or a girl, and I refused to answer them...my friends had to answer for me (of course saying girl).

Not to mention I would tell my friends if I were a guy I'd definitely be gay. And not because I was into yaoi or I thought it was hot, or whatever; but I felt something deep down inside that, that I really truly would be. And little did I know I was.

It wasn't till College did I stop doing all that, and then I found out what transgender was. Then everything clicked at once, and from then on I stopped pretending to be a girl. I've been expressing myself as male since, and yes I have bad dysphoria days; but to be honest I'm still happier than I was back in Middle School and High School.

Ever since coming out to myself I've been more aware of how I present myself. I find it quite difficult to be called by female pronouns, being called a lady or ma'am. I can't go into the ladies restroom without trying to avoid eye contact or just bolting to the stall so maybe no one will see; and then proceed to see if the coast is clear before leaving. So my dysphoria has gotten worse, because of it.

The good stuff though, uhhh...:lol: ...Hmm, well I'm glad to know I'm Transgender, rather then still be stuck and lost, feeling the way I did/do and thinking I was a freak and alone in the world.

 

"GETITOFFGETITOFFGETITOFF," the sex dysphoria yelled.

That's basically what happens if I bump into something wrong, notice a part of my body, etc. It's not fun to be transgender at all; being cis male would be ideal for me, since I feel that would give my transition a better conclusion (cis female would have been okay, too, but as I'm male I can't really imagine that).

I have been overweight ever since I was young. It sort of hampers my transition; I need to do some life adjustments. :lol: To be honest, for once I'm glad that Chinese guys are not expected to be as manly as other races of guys. That makes things a little easier on me. Good stuff? What good stuff? I guess I'm glad I've decided to be cautious here. It means I can plan my transition out better. I'm not even suicidal or depressed, and I hope I never will be.

Tl;Dr: It's not fun. It's not fun. It's not fun. Being a transsexual (and a minor at that) in this day and age is not fun. Did you get the emphasis I put on not fun?

 

Found out in adult age, my life has been hell since. That's pretty much about it. No good things as far as I can remember.

 

Being trans is not easy, but I like it. Now that I've experienced both sides of it (I used to be cisgender) I have no regrets. It gives me a different look on life.

 

I just want to know, when did you find out you were born in the wrong body

Of course, I cannot speak for everyone but personally, I feel that I am meant to learn something by being born into this body. In that sense, it isn't "wrong" so much as problematic. I do not pretend to understand why it was my fate to struggle as I have with this but dwelling on that would be pointless, in my opinion.

I've always felt different; I never felt like a girl even as a toddler of 2 or 3. I was confused by gender and confused by myself being assumed to be like my sister (i.e., a girl). I didn't know the word for what I was; I only knew that I was a boy in a girl's body - that, I've known for my entire gender-aware life (started at age 2 or so).

tell me about the struggles

I think that my greatest struggles have been for recognition and acceptance. In my parent's generation, no one spoke of gender variance. I've struggled and continue to struggle with both social and body dysphoria but have grown stronger as a person such that I'm typically able to not crash from either one. My greatest challenge is completely accepting myself so that I can let go of the guilt I feel toward others who are affected by my gender identity.

as well as the good things - Of being a trans male or female

I feel blessed in a way because I'm more empathetic than I think that I would be had I been a cismale. I can see many sides of the gender spectrum. I can appreciate the feminine and masculine in others and in myself. My life is my own unique journey and being transgender is a part of it that allows me to be more open toward others. I think that being trans has imbued me with more compassion toward those who face their own challenges and more rage toward those who would harm others. My emotions are more powerful and while difficult, I think that it's also a strength.