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Any other gay guys here not into the club scene?

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by micstar615, May 3, 2014.

  1. micstar615

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    So being gay obviously comes with a lot of stereotypes. I'm in the closet and was thinking of joining my school's LGBT group, however one of my friend's said that many people in the community are into raves and...orgies >.> anyways, I hope he was exaggerating, but I know that it's a commons stereotype for guys (gay or straight) to like things along those lines (going to clubs, hooking up etc.). I'm more of a private, homey kind of guy who doesn't like these kinds of things at all. I was wondering how much truth there is to these stereotype regarding the gay community and if there are other guys like me that are not into that kind of stuff?
     
  2. resu

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    Your friend is exaggerating, and it's likely the school-supported LGBT group is focused more on support than raves and such. I'm an introvert, and so I don't really care for any loud partying, but I've also come to realize that I'm also internalizing some homophobia if I judge those actions as "bad" or "wrong." In reality, clubbing and such are just highly visible because they fit stereotypes, and you have to remember many straight people are just as "dedicated" to these activities as gay people. It's hard for outsiders to see those gays who aren't as visible or obvious; they probably aren't even recognized as gay.
     
  3. Radioactive Bi

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    I've never been a person for clubbing, although I did do a bit when I was

    Besides, from my experience, clubs aren't the best place to hook up and meet people. Picking up some drunk person who knows nothing about you. You are better off finding people with similar interests. That's why it's good to try new things and activities you are interested in. That way you already have something in common and the setting is a little less loud and intoxicated.

    Happy days :slight_smile:
     
  4. 741852963

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    I hate clubbing - unless the music is really good I just find it dull and expensive. I'm not a big drinker but I find I need a lot of alcohol to make it through a night out. I personally don't get the appeal of paying on the door to get into an overcrowded noisy room, having to fight your way to the bar and pay through the nose for seriously marked-up alcohol just to make dancing seem vaguely fun. People here regularly pay £40-60 ($70-90) at least once a week on going out (entry fees, drinks, takeaways, taxis - all adds up). Money down the drain really, I can think of far better ways to spend that cash.

    And on hooking up, I don't think I could ever be intimate with anyone without building up trust and getting to know them. It amazes me how straight and gay people can go out and cruise or have one night stands. They must be crazily confident or crazily drunk! Its not for me!
     
  5. SemiCharmedLife

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    I hate clubs, club music, and dancing. I'd rather be at a dive bar, craft beer bar, or sports bar.
     
  6. Wolf123

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    While not a guy, I don't find I fit any stereotypes in regards to how a gay girl is supposed to act. All I do is the stuff I usually do, dress how I want to dress, go where I want to go, hang with family and friends. After coming out, I have internally changed in regards to how I feel and how I interact with people, however, I am still doing the same stuff as before-attending school, working etc. I find that I do enjoy going to concerts, but when it comes to clubs I get very drained from all the people approaching me so I usually avoid them.
     
  7. gravechild

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    I'm going to guess the vast majority of regular posters on EC would much rather spend a quiet night replying to threads than going out and having a wild night at the nearest club or bar. It's been like that on most sites, and I expect the rule to apply here as well. After all, LGBT forums wouldn't exist if we spent all our time there, would they?
     
  8. micstar615

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    Thanks for all of the great responses guys :slight_smile: I'm glad to see that I'm not alone. I guess it's just really intimidating being in the closet, I worry that I won't fit into the gay community either sometimes :/
     
  9. 741852963

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    I feel the same sometimes, but you just have to remind yourself that you don't have to "fit into the gay community". The only qualification you need to be gay is to, well...be gay!

    Of course there is a sub-set of gay men with a shared set of hobbies and activities (what some call "the gay scene") but its not something that every gay guy has to be into, and it doesn't invalidate your sexuality if you aren't part of that particular group.

    A (potentially unnecessary and convoluted) analogy:
    Some men like football. I don't like football. But I don't worry about not being a man because I don't. I'm a man simply because I am (my DNA, "parts", mind etc), not because of one particular hobby.

    I hope that makes sense, at least it does in my head. :icon_wink
     
  10. Calix

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    I'm not really into the club scene. Which is a shame since the only place I know of so far that is LGBT is a club nearby that has LGBT nights once a week.
     
  11. BornAnew

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    I'm not into clubbing much either!! And I used to know some other gay guys not into this kinda stuff either. There are others like us...just a matter of finding people in real life lol. Are there any LGBT book clubs or groups near you not revolving around nights out? You'll probably meet more unclubby people there.
     
  12. JStevens96

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    No way. Neither straight nor gay clubs. I went to one with my friend & it was terrible. I also been to straight clubs, still suck, so don't let anybody stereotype gay clubs as the only slutty clubs or anything, straight ones suck too. Definitely not my kind of lifestyle.
     
  13. chrisyboy

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    No I hate clubbing and have absolutely no interest in doing it. I actually don't know many people who actively go clubbing as a rule every weekend, as I don't drink it's all pretty embarresing. Plus I feel really out of my comfort zone. Maybe I would get used to it. Clubbing is a poor way of meeting people; they're normally drunk and one night stands resulting are a bad idea because alcoholic based sex is never great
     
  14. micstar615

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    Wow, again thanks everyone for the great responses :slight_smile: why can't I meet more guys like you guys? (Oh yeah, I'm in the closet)
     
  15. HuskyPup

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    I'm definitely not into the gay bar or club scene. I do love to go out, see bands, go to the corner Tavern and watch the Orioles game, go out to eat, and enjoy city life, but I never found specifically gay oriented places very appealing. Me and my partner have met a lot of other gay people at just 'normal' places, that we've ended up having great conversations with and in some instances, becoming friends with, as in going out to dinner and such. So I don't think you need to go to specifically gay places to met gay people...we're pretty much everywhere!
     
  16. Aussie792

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    Wow, it's almost like gay people are not uniformly interested in the same things! Who knew?

    It's really important to dismiss what you think of gay people as a group as false immediately, especially if you got it from something created by heterosexuals (like basically every depiction of homosexuality in media). Although there is nothing wrong with clubbing and enjoying a life like that (I see a lot of really prudish gays shame others who enjoy partying and sex for no legitimate reason), I'd say most gay men are not interested in eternal clubbing and hook-ups.
     
  17. darlig ulv

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    Noise, bad music, meh. I can't think like that.
     
  18. GurtieP

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    Total INFJ here. I'm too much of an introvert to be comfortable in the club environment. I think that's just a stereotype that people have about gays. I've never really be involved in any LGBT school groups, but I'm sure they're more about supporting LGBT issues than discussing clubs.
     
  19. Mlpguy88

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    If you ever want to see me at my most uncomfortable moment, it would probably be in a club. Unfortunately my idea of a good time is a quiet night in, kind of makes it hard to meet people
     
  20. JStevens96

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    Yes, an idea of a good time to me is a night with someone special, not making a fool out of myself at a club or degrading myself & society by having sex with a bunch of random people.