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Should people be allowed to ask if you're a virgin.

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by CharlieHK, May 3, 2014.

  1. CharlieHK

    CharlieHK Guest

    Basically the title.

    Should people be able to ask such a point blank question?

    I'm in high school, and the v-card question is just as common as the hair-dye question. It seems it's no big deal to ask people.

    What do you think?
     
  2. JStevens96

    JStevens96 Guest

    I don't see an issue with it if it's from fellow students...
     
  3. BelleFromHell

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    Yes, they should, especially if they're in a relationship with the person they're asking.
     
  4. Fallingdown7

    Fallingdown7 Guest

    I don't agree with this, especially with how "offensive" the term is to so many people. For example, If I were a rape victim but I believed in "waiting" before my attack, people asking me if I were a "virgin" or not would trigger me/cause me to have panic attacks and make me afraid to answer, etc.

    Hell, even as a lesbian, the term still "triggers" me into panic attacks, because of how exclusive it can be.

    It's a sexist as hell term in general, in my opinion. It's not only nobody's business, but I since I don't even identify as a "virgin" (I've never had sex, I just identify as "sexually inexperienced" ) I would be pretty damn defensive.

    It's just nobody's concern about what my sex life is like.
     
  5. Gates

    Gates Guest

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    Absolutely not. That kind of information should only be shared with a lover or a doctor.
     
  6. CharlieHK

    CharlieHK Guest

    Yeah, a partner should know.

    One of the reasons I started this thread was also because of what Fallingdown7 said. It's triggering to rape survivors.
     
    #6 CharlieHK, May 3, 2014
    Last edited by a moderator: May 3, 2014
  7. Aussie792

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    Nobody but the person being asked needs to know. And it depends on why the question is being asked (virginity in its traditional form hardly exists and only serves to shame people).

    That said, it's not shameful to be open about it (as long as the people they had sex with are anonymous or fine with it being told), either.
     
  8. Jethro702

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    Agree with this, Should not be a casual question just thrown at anyone you may want to ask. Between partners I believe if one wants to know the question may be asked or with a doctor.
     
  9. Fallingdown7

    Fallingdown7 Guest

    But the problem with asking someone if they're a virgin is the fact that "virgin" has no real definition and means something different to everyone.

    Some people count every sexual activity as virginity loss (Oral/handjob/penetration), some only count penetration (vaginal/anal), some only count vaginal and not anal, and some don't even count vaginal sex if it wasn't seen as "important" to them.

    It's better to ask someone if they have sexual experience, because the definition for that is more static.

    I once asked my ex-girlfriend if she were a virgin and she said yes. As it turned out she had done oral with both men and women and had a possibility of having an STD. I was mortified with her, because I actually trusted her to mean that she had no experience and was safe/clean. Guess not.

    It can cause a lot of miscommunication between partners because the truth is that whether someone says they're a "virgin" or not, you still don't know what their sexual history is- which is highly dangerous.
     
    #9 Fallingdown7, May 3, 2014
    Last edited by a moderator: May 3, 2014
  10. AudreyB

    AudreyB Guest

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    Allowed? Well, I would recommend voting to have it legislated. Mama govt. ain't necesaarily the best guardian.

    As for high school kids making a big deal out of virginity, well, they don't really own anything yet of much value (most of them). Gotta throw their status around and make hierarchies to boost themselvese somehow. :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:
     
  11. imnotreallysure

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    people are allowed to ask whatever they want. it's up to the person being asked if they want to disclose that information.
     
  12. BelleFromHell

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    I understand your point, and it's certainly much better than the "my GF/BF doesn't need to know how many people I've fucked" argument.

    I personally don't consider rape victims non-virgins. I believe someone loses their virginity when they engage in consensual sexual activity, so I don't put rape victims into that catagory.

    I totally agree on the term 'virgin' being a sexist, double standard. If someone is raped, society considers the victim 'impure', but some slut can have oral sex with every dude on the football team and she's still considered a 'virgin.' It's fucking ridiculous.

    It pisses me off when people say that lesbian sex isn't 'real' sex, even though it's been proven again and again that you get much more orgasms through lesbian sex than hetro sex.
     
  13. Fallingdown7

    Fallingdown7 Guest

    Glad you understand my point. I'm not saying that you should hide your sexual experiences from your partner, but that "virgin" is an unreliable term because it usually excludes anything besides PIV (which still have STD risks, including serious ones like HIV/AIDs) and includes rape victims who shouldn't have to disclose it to people.
     
  14. BelleFromHell

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    I totally agree. I consider someone who's engaged in ANY consensual sex act to be a non-virgin. Most women don't think the same way, unfortunately...
     
  15. Gates

    Gates Guest

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    I only meant that it was OK to ask in the context of making sure to be extra gentle if someone was virginal. It shouldn't be asked as a way to decide if you want to proceed or not (unless they have any diseases, which is a different discussion anyway).
     
  16. Kat 5

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    Random people don't need to know my virginity status.


    Wait. That's true? I had no idea.
     
  17. Cass

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    I get that u don't like it and have a different view but how is it still sexist? Men get asked all the time to. Virgin only means you've never had sex, male or female
     
  18. Gates

    Gates Guest

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    People may not ask whatever they want; that's completely inappropriate.
     
  19. Gen

    Gen
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    People can ask whatever they want. People can answer however they please; however, I believe that you owe it to a sexual partner to be completely open and forthcoming with your sexual history.
     
  20. newfish

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    Nope. A doctor should know and a partner can know. A partner HAS to know if there are any STDs involved and being sexual partners should make previous, safe sexual history a non-issue that can be shared. Also, I see virginity as a consensual thing. Rape victims may have all the health risks and of course STDs should be known and there's a lot of trauma, but it's not like it was their choice. Unless there is any previous sexual history, I place rape victims in the "virgin" category and, along with everyone else, the "you don't need to know" category.