Bisexual...but only wants to be seen as Gay?

At the end of the day, you can identify as what ever you like. I'd say as long as your not trying to mislead people to much, then no one can tell you what label to attach to yourself.

Happy days

 

this is funny cuz i just read angry posts on another site of lesbians wishing bi/poly/pan women would get out of their identity cuz a key factor to lesbianism is lack of attraction to men for them

i'm not lesbian tho

as for bi erasure, i'm not worried about that. i'm more worried about why the person doesn't want to ID as bi and the possible internalized biphobia behind that. i would be more worried about insulting gays & lesbians than bisexuals

 

you might not know. the person could still be figuring out their sexuality. sex isn't really the only thing that determines your sexuality. it also depends on everything else, on intimate and intellect level. a person has the right to label themselves whatever they want. if they don't know how to represent themselves well enough, then that's their issue.

 

People have their reasons i think. like someone like me, i've previously labeled myself as gay with exceptions, not wholly gay cuz there were these few certain girls that i was drawn to, but i dunno they just felt like exceptions and i thought gay was more predominate or whatever. but now i think my current thing "i like mainly guys, some girls" feels more right for me.

people can label themselves whatever i guess, but i do see a problem if you're callin' yourself solely gay, and not acknowledging your other attractions. Cuz i mean, like the whole thing with some lesbians liking trans guys, they're callin' themselves lesbians, but they apparently have an attraction to a guy, so at least acknowledge that you have an exception or more, y'know? cuz otherwise that can be offensive to the trans guy for obvious reasons.

 

Hmm... this is difficult. I identify as gay even though I might be a tiny bit bi (based on evidence from like ages 6-13 that is probably inaccurate) but saying "I'm gay but maybe like a tiny bit bi" is kind of confusing, so I just go with gay. I would also never tell my mom I'm bi because she (a) seems to think of bisexual as not a real thing, and (b) has said there are "some people who could go either way" (because she doesn't understand what bi is) and should probably "choose" to be straight because it's easier. So I can understand it if it's just easier in terms of explanations.
But again the internalized biphobia could be an issue, even if it's not something you notice there could just be discomfort with yourself. And if that's the case, which it isn't necessarily the case, maybe with time you will feel more comfortable with the label. I wonder if the label will act as a stepping stone in reverse of the way that the bi label sometimes does for gay people.

 

yeah , you're right

 

People are free to identify themselves however they feel comfortable. If a bisexual person leans more in one direction than the other, (s)he may choose to identify as gay or straight. If a bisexual person is a perfect Kinsey 3, attracted equally to both sexes, then (s)he is still free to identify as gay or straight depending on what sort of relationship that person is in, although in a way it would be lying to and about him/herself.

A bisexual man could identify as straight, marry a woman he is attracted to, have lots of children, live in a house with white picket fence, and experience the joy and ease of heteronormative life. Alternately a bisexual man could identify as gay, and live the dreaded "homosexual lifestyle".

I always use this chart for the sexuality spectrum. There are some completely straight 0s and completely gay 6s. Then there are a whole bunch of people who technically fall somewhere on the bisexual spectrum. I think most Kinsey 5s, especially men, would choose to identify as gay. I think most Kinsey 1s would identify as straight.

 

For me personally, I wouldn't really mind so long as he was actually attracted to me. Although if he didn't have at least a slight preference for guys, I'd want to know why he didn't identify as bi.

 

I'm not sure if I'm gay or bi, but I'd rather identify as gay. I prefer to identify as gay because it makes me feel more comfortable. The idea of being bi just doesn't appeal to me. Especially because I prefer women. I could say that I'm a bisexual who prefers women, but that just sounds wrong for some reason.

 

No, it's not wrong. As I've said before, bisexuals shouldn't have to identify as gay or straight in dating situations, but they may choose to do so in order to avoid biphobia or unwarranted assumptions being made about them. Gay and straight individuals should not be angry when this happens.

Instead, they should consider the reasons that bisexuals might not identify as bisexual, and they should work to change the conditions within their community that make bisexuals feel like they aren't safe identifying that way.

 

never understood the use of the scale.... i think that seems a bit discriminatory just to scale how gay a person should feel, no?

 

No. Some people may have a partner that is the opposite sex, but the same gender.

 

Funny, I'm almost exactly like you. I'm probably a 4 on the scale shown above. I am sexually attracted to both women and men but only see myself romantically with males and rarely do I see myself urging to be with a women.

I identify as gay, and probably always will.

 

No. After all, many gay and lesbian people don't out themselves openly when they feel unsafe, either. This is not homo erasure. You have to do what you feel comfortable with. With what keeps you safe.

The real problem here is that Bi folks feel they have to lie in the gay community. It's just wrong. We have ALL been there, Gay, or Lesbian where we have been judged by the hetero community for our partner, or who we love at that time. Yet we do the same type of thing to Bi folk. Even more harshly than straight people do.

 

Um, if this hypothetical boyfriend had to fantasize about being with women when he was with me in bed, then it's safe to say he's not attracted to men and is neither gay nor bi. Why would a heterosexual man pretend to be gay/bi and have to deal with all the baggage that comes along with that?

So no, I wouldn't feel comfortable nor find it healthy to have a boyfriend who fantasizes about women when he is with me intimately. Just like it isn't healthy or fair to the partner in the much more common opposite case, when a gay man marries a woman and has to fantasize about men when he's in bed with her.

---------- Post added 5th May 2014 at 09:31 PM ----------

It's the Kinsey scale. It's not based on "how gay a person should feel", it's based on sexual experience with and sexual desire for one sex or the other. No, I don't see how it is "discriminatory"?

 

But that's what she's saying. Some of us like to have experiences with people of many genders. I'm one of them.

Still not gonna tell any body I'm dating that, unless they explicitly tell me they are poly.