Isn't this sad

No more so than randomly attempting to challenge a stranger on the content of their online profile...

 

Kinda rude but I dunno I think it would matter on what he means by insecure like if he just meant that if their insecurities take up most of their life id understand that but its not clear enough too judge for me. Before you challenge on his statement you should get him to fully clarify what he means by it. Plus some people cant handle insecure people for various reasons maybe they want a more emotionally fit partner..

 

Some people can't handle insecurity

It's not a big deal

 

Agreed.

Insecure people often can't deal with other insecure people because they don't have the ability to manage their own as well as another person's. I wouldn't call it shallow without having it explained, and I think it's somewhat inappropriate to confront an absolute stranger over it.

 

A slight overreaction, I think.

Consider that at no point in your original post did you state your intention

"I was making a comment on how superficial online dating can be with an example."

This was not made clear in any sense of the word originally.

Unfortunately, without clear statement of intent, we are left to imagine what it might be based on context. The context you provided was that you discovered ONE item and the profile of ONE man that you didn't like. This, in and of itself is not an issue, there are plenty of things in peoples dating profiles that I don't like.

However you then followed this up by informing us that your immediate reaction was to try and confront a complete stranger about something in his profile. Keep in mind, that you provided us with no more info about this statement. We have no way of knowing WHY this man feels this way or anything else about him.

The only information we have is that you decided a man was being shallow and decided to have a go at him about it.

You proceeded to point out perceived insecurities. It should be pointed out at this point that even if he DOES spend 2 hours in the morning on his hair it doesn't necessarily make him 'insecure'. Grooming isn't a sign of insecurity, if he wants to look good, let him. And as Aussie pointed out, even if he IS insecure about himself, it doesn't mean he can deal with it in others. It doesn't make him a bad person.

As far as it is possible for us to tell from your original post, it appeared your intention was to get some approval or support for something you thought.

If you want to make a point about how shallow online dating is, say so. Provide us with a context for things so we can make a more informed decision about our opinions.

As it happens, even if your point HAD been made clear I would still disagree with you and would have responded in much the same way. I do not consider what this guy wrote to be "pathetic". Just because people don't always agree with you doesn't mean everyone is out to get you.

 

Well I'm not sure he might just be a stupid idiot or as others have said he might be insecure himself and doesn't want to have to deal with someone else's insecurity as well

 

Personally, I don't like insecure people. I'm not interested in constantly having to pet their ego and fluff things up to make them feel better. It gets annoying for me.

 

I want to sympathise a little with Gibson here.

I see where you are coming from Gibson. But the whole thing isn't clear at all. I personally don't understand the need for statements like the one you quoted from this guy.

I mean it reminds me a little of someone I follow on twitter who posts things like "Sick of people bothering me" or "Wish people would stop telling me their problems". I don't think posting this kind of thing to the whole world has any benefits. You may hurt people who mistakenly feel you are the one bugging them with these issues and it also shames those who might be doing so. Tell them in private!

That said, I see where the posters above me are coming from. Taking your time to message a stranger over this simply isn't worth your time and, like the LoL community I'm part of, won't change them a bit probably.

But I have to say I feel certain responses Gibson had here was pretty snappy and overly harsh in some cases. Are people having a bad day or something?
When I read the post I didn't expect everyone to agree, but admittedly I had to re-read some of what I saw to check if that was what actually said...

 

All of this makes perfect sense this is probably the best response the thread will get

 

I was referring the the post you saw by this stranger, not your thread.

 

I said it was pathetic that people would message him to the point where his inbox was full.

How is that pathetic? You said yourself the guy was attractive, why wouldn't he get a lot of messages just because he isn't fond of insecurity in other people?


"No more so than randomly attempting to challenge a stranger on the content of their online profile..." which is implying I'm pathetic. What have I done against you?

What have you done to me? Nothing. Nothing at all. But you asked a question and I answered it. And I stand by what I said.

Moreover I point you to the words I used. No more so than. I typed that sentence several times to get the wording right, because my implication is clear and simple. What he wrote is no better and no worse than your response to it. I did not, at any point, state whether I thought his statement or your actions where good or bad. Any reflection you are getting is coming from you.

As it stands I do find the idea that you felt the need confront a complete stranger about his methods for thinning the numbers of messages he gets to be pretty questionable. Don't get me wrong, the guy sounds like a jerk and I certainly don't agree with what he's saying, but if he's used up his daily allowance of incoming messages ALREADY then clearly he needs a system to thing the herd, and if stamping out all the people who have significant issues with self esteem and insecurity does so, that is entirely up to him.

But regardless, if he was sitting there with no messages from anyone he is entitled to his parameters for dating. I've seen people demand no fat people, no geeks/nerds, no 'trannies', all sorts of things people don't want to find. It may not be nice but it's their life. If they don't want to date those people that is their business. Not mine, not yours.

 

Im sorry but I just needed to point this out you got upset when someone may have implied you were pathetic by going to challenge the guy right? But before hand you called that one guy from the dating site pathetic for not wanting to date an insecure person..

 

Im sorry you got some nasty responses, there really was no need for them.

I agree with everything except you sending him a message. I generally try and avoid people who feel the need to write statements about what they dislike in people, it can lead to hate. Like Reddev said in his good post, it isnt worth your time sending a message. Best to just ignore people like that.

 

I agree that dating sites can seem painfully superficial, shallow and depressing.

 

Hypocrites need to be punished, Holly.