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Why are gay known as being promiscuous?

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by robotman, May 8, 2014.

  1. robotman

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    Why do gay and bi sexual people tend to be know for being promiscuous? I don't want to sound like I am brainwashed but this is one of the reasons why I am worried about getting into a relationship... I have never been in a relationship before but I am scared that my partner will cheat on me (I know that is kind of ignorant to think) but I am confused about it. Why do gay and bi sexual people tend to be portrayed as sex fiends?

    I am not saying anything is wrong with it, people can sleep with and do whatever they want, I was just thinking about it today and it has interested me...
     
  2. newfish

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    It's a way to attack gay marriage and gay people in general. Instead of recognizing that long-term relationships exist, gay relationships are treated as strange. Gay marriage can be said to harm the "sanctity of marriage" because everyone knows gays have weird promiscuous sex.

    With bi people, it ties into the rest of bi discrimination. Bisexual people are believed to all be promiscuous because some people can't wrap their minds around their fact that someone could be attracted to both genders without having a huge sex drive and no boundaries.
     
  3. Gen

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    Going back not to far into our history, stable domestic environments simply weren't commonplace within the LGBTQ. It wasn't as much as a lack of monogamy as much of the image of the couple, home, or family wasn't as present within same-sex interactions because of the way those lifestyles would be viewed by society. The extreme majority of people in same-sex were in the closet for the extent of their lives. Because of this, many LGBTQ seemed as though they were perpetually single and never attempted to go beyond sexual flings.

    On the other side, there was the social aspect. Being out to the general population is a very new concept in reality. Non-heterosexual desires and practices were something that people kept to themselves for their own physical safety. LGBTQ individuals nearly never randomly found themselves in relationships as one might in day-to-day life today. They had no chose but to sneak off to social centers, predominantly clubs, in order to find like-minded individuals.

    Promiscuity definitely does have place in gay and polysexual history as it does in heterosexual history. The key difference is that LGBTQ were not given the right to truly settle down, have families, and partake in a traditional life, so a large part of what they were left with was satisfying at least a piece of their desires in secret and sometimes sleazy. The past reflects more on society than the actual nature and desires of those people because it was the only option they were given.
     
  4. Chip

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    Um because, sadly, the majority of visible gay men (can't speak for lesbians) perpetuate the stereotype.

    There's a reason why nearly every social media community set up for gay men turns into a hookup-fest full of dick pics. And even on EC, people occasionally show up who aren't here for the right reasons, in spite of how clear it is in every part of the site. But they usually don't last long, either because they quickly figure it out, or because they message somebody's wall, it gets reported, and the staff deals with it. I personally find it really disheartening.

    My personal belief is that, for the most part, it's a combination on the one hand of societal judgment and stigma that creates a sense of shame, motivating numbing sexual behaviors and causing fear of deep emotional intimacy, and on the other hand, a conscious desire to take ownership of sexuality and essentially defy the religious "dictates" that sex be hidden, shameful, and limited to reproduction.

    That's an oversimplification but I think those factors (and a lot of others that are more nuanced) create a lot of emotional issues that make it difficult to sustain healthy gay relationships, unless people have worked hard (or are working hard) to overcome the shame and other issues that get in the way.

    Cheating is rampant in gay relationships unfortunately, and some 40% of stable gay relationships where the couple has been together more than 5 years have some sort of selective non-monogamy, according to sexologist/therapist Dr. Joe Kort.

    I know a number of gay men in relatively healthy, monogamous, honest, and trusting relationships. All of them have worked at it, and done a lot of self-work. The challenge is being willing to do the self-work yourself, and finding someone else who is also willing to make that commitment.
     
  5. gravechild

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    Even if it's untrue and stereotypical, whenever this question comes up, I think back to Brian Kinney's response to being asked something similar in one episode QAF, "Not because we're gay, because we're MEN." You can say some of it comes down to being forced into the closet for centuries, having unhealthy self-esteems, and whatnot, but it's pretty obvious when you compare gay male and lesbian subcultures and relationship practices, that there are some pretty major discrepancies and patterns. I've never been one to blow up the differences between men and women, but definitely think some of the biggest ones become obvious here, and I don't think it's 100% learned.

    It's one reason the phrase, "Men are dogs" has always bothered me. Even if it were true for every guy, that wouldn't make it right just to vilify them for it, for having different expectations and habits in the sex and relationships realm. I think this is why there tends to be less gender-related friction within same-sex couples: they just "get" what their partner does, even if they don't necessarily agree with or approve of it. There's less of a communication gap there.

    As far as bisexuals of both teams go, it probably has something to do with the idea that they can't be "satisfied" with just one gender, the cases where closeted gay men and women cheat behind their partners backs, and those bogus reports on bisexuals as being "bridges" for HIV and other "gay-related" diseases to spread to heterosexuals, since, you know, orgies for everyone! I'm bisexual and have never cheated, instead preferring to break things off with my partner than to hurt them in a long, drawn-out process.
     
  6. Browncoat

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    Wizard's First Rule.
     
  7. robotman

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    Its really interesting to see all these posts from all of you... I genuinely am abit worried about meeting anyone in the future because I want to have a normal relationship like straight people but I just have the feeling that I won't be able to trust my partner. I only want to have sex with someone I trust aswell and because of the way I think I am worried that I will be a virgin forever (which I don't want) I only want to have sex in a committed relationship.

    I know that I am only 20 but if I can't meet anyone now when I am in the prime of my life, how on earth will I meet anyone in the future? I have so many odd and unpleasant scenarios run through my head everyday and I have no one to talk to about them. I am so grateful that this site exists lol, I don't know what I would do without this site *hugs you all*.
     
  8. Browncoat

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    Honestly, mate, straight people are not one bit better in terms of promiscuity. The hook-up culture is rampant. There's a reason the marriage age is steadily rising - people are waiting longer to get into actual, serious relationships.

    Trust me, you're not missing out on a "straight life" in that respect. You'd have to deal with it no matter what orientation you ended up becoming.
     
  9. Straight ally

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    Gay guys are not more promiscuous... MEN, wether gay or straight, are usually more promiscuous. Not necesarily a bad thing by the way, i could use some promiscuity in my life.

    The reasons of this are:
    1- society influence men to pursue sex with women. Gay men leave the women part apart, but stay with the pursuing part.
    2- Men in general(many of them, not all of them) dont get emotionally attached so easily after having sex or phisical intimacy, so its easier for them to handle their emotions during casual sex.
    3- Men and women are usually similar regarding romance....but sexually, women are usually more selective with whom they have casual relationships. Again, different men are different, different women are different, so there are promiscuot men, promiscuos women, also men and women that are not promiscuous.

    The third point is related with why gay men are regarded as more promiscuous.... They are not more promiscuous overall compared to straight men... But often the promiscuity of straight men get limited by women casual sex selectivity, so gay men are perceived to be more as more promiscuous because of this,but this is just an ilusion. But still, straight men with a cheating potential, will seek any chance to cheat, they might fail more easily, but actually, trying to cheat and failing is as bad as trying to cheat and succeeding... Cheating itself is not the problem, the intention to cheat is.

    But the good thing is that promiscuity doesnt means cheating, not necesarily. Some people go throught a period of having sex with multiple people, then they settle down. That is why is called settling down. Go for it, dont be scared.
     
    #9 Straight ally, May 9, 2014
    Last edited: May 9, 2014
  10. awesomeness

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    Most guys are generally easily aroused, and more willing to jump to sex straight away. So when you have two guys in the picture, it's much more likely that infidelity will occur.