First date=sex? - Empty Closets - A safe online community for gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered people coming out

agraves · 8th Aug 2008, 03:51 PM

I was listening to the radio today and on this talk show in New York (Opie and Anthony or something like that) they were talking about first dates. They said that if you're a gay man then the first date means not going out to dinner or a movie as you would think, but having sex. Only after you had sex could you decide whether you liked the person and wanted to take them out on a real date.

I don't want to seem ignorant and I highly doubt what they said is true, but I was just wondering if that's how it is. I mean, I wouldn't have sex on a first date to decide if I liked someone, I know people do it but that's usually all they're looking for, not a real relationship but sex.

These guys are just ignorant, right?

Arrk · 8th Aug 2008, 03:59 PM

Just another stereotype of gay people: that they are sex-driven maniacs.

Those people really don't know anything about gay people. Of course there are gay people who do it but there are people in the straight community who also do it.

**Martin** · 8th Aug 2008, 04:02 PM

Hmmm, were the presenters actually gay?

If so then that is probably just how they work. For them to say that is how the whole gay community works is just false representation and they're silly for even trying to get people to believe that. It shows what type of people they hang around with though if that's their impression of the gay community.

If they aren't gay then who are they to even say what we do? It annoys me enough that we are told what rights we can and can't have by people who don't even see the world from our point of view, but to then try and say that we live exactly how some stereotype portrays us is nothing more than ignorance and bad presenting.

Either way they're foolish for saying that. They can't talk about a diverse group of people like there is no mix inside that group. There is a mix of people in every group no matter how big or small it is.

**Lexington** · 8th Aug 2008, 04:04 PM

They're not ignorant so much as expanding a trend to encompass absolutely everybody.

Let me pick another example. I don't think I'm going out on a limb by saying, among children, more girls own a pink bicycle than boys. What they've done is the equivalent of saying "If you're a girl, you own a pink bicycle."

I think it's true that more gay men have sex on the first date than straights. Why? Less stuff to get through. If a straight guy wants to have sex with a woman, he has to make sure SHE wants to, and try to approach this idea without having her think he's only got sex on the brain. So there may be some touchy-feely moments, some mild flirting, some backing off, all that. It isn't at all surprising among gay guys to run into someone who is interested in taking things to the bedroom, so they can make their desires known by saying "You wanna?" Because of this, I'd say more gay first-dates end up in the bedroom than straight dates.

But to say "A first gay date means sex"? That's stretching things. So why say it? Jealousy, I think. They'd love it if they could just do the "you wanna" thing.

Lex

agraves · 8th Aug 2008, 04:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Martin

Hmmm, were the presenters actually gay?

No, I don't think they are. I listened to their radio show briefly. I can't stand them because I, within the first 5 minutes of listening to them, heard 2 racist comments and the first date conversation. My local radio station just put them on the air down here in Virginia...New York can keep them as far as I'm concerned.

**Lexington** · 8th Aug 2008, 04:18 PM

Don't they make a cute couple?

Lex

Amy · 8th Aug 2008, 05:06 PM

^ haha...no

^

Quote:

Originally Posted by agraves

These guys are just ignorant, right?

yes.

stupid too.

and jealous.

[ im still smiling about that picture ]

SkyTears · 8th Aug 2008, 06:08 PM

I would have called them up and told them to get new sources because theirs are majorly flawed.

Miaplacidus · 8th Aug 2008, 06:13 PM

hm... I've had sex on my first date... more than once... :S

Most of those times, it was the only date...

*feels like a whore*

Geist · 8th Aug 2008, 08:13 PM

Well I think they are ignorant I personally could never have sex with someone before I really dated and loved the person. Though I have been told by a guy that he wanted sex before we dated..... I cut that one off pretty quick.

gentlegiant4 · 8th Aug 2008, 08:17 PM

It may be a trend, but it's happening.

I met this 15 year old kid online who does this routinely, often never speaking to the guy again.

/sigh.

Strange... but different strokes for different folks I guess.

silentsound · 8th Aug 2008, 08:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lexington

They're not ignorant so much as expanding a trend to encompass absolutely everybody.

Let me pick another example. I don't think I'm going out on a limb by saying, among children, more girls own a pink bicycle than boys. What they've done is the equivalent of saying "If you're a girl, you own a pink bicycle."

I think it's true that more gay men have sex on the first date than straights. Why? Less stuff to get through. If a straight guy wants to have sex with a woman, he has to make sure SHE wants to, and try to approach this idea without having her think he's only got sex on the brain. So there may be some touchy-feely moments, some mild flirting, some backing off, all that. It isn't at all surprising among gay guys to run into someone who is interested in taking things to the bedroom, so they can make their desires known by saying "You wanna?" Because of this, I'd say more gay first-dates end up in the bedroom than straight dates.

But to say "A first gay date means sex"? That's stretching things. So why say it? Jealousy, I think. They'd love it if they could just do the "you wanna" thing.

Lex

^Best example ever... as always Lex =)

sexyalex · 8th Aug 2008, 09:21 PM

hummmm
idk...i am gonna have to disagree with u lex...

you see while the sterotype or the "generalisation" your putting on gay people may be so out in the general pubilc...
really, how many gay people here want to have sex on the first date? humm? Would u lex?

I think when he made that comment he was not being ignorant, nether was he generalizing but passivly being exaggerant about his statement. It's a commentary radio programme, people are listening and he wants to keep it real for the air so he keep/get more listeners. I remember Queer as Folk 1st season opening when Micheal said (in naration) "guys think about sex every 28 sec...well that is straight men, gay guys think about sex every 15 seconds." or something like that...

but fact is, i know allot of gay people, including myself who i am sure do not think of sex every 15 seconds. So I think it was meant to be a sarcastic joke.

atleast, from my point of view.

lemmi hear what others have to say huh?

8th Aug 2008, 09:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sexyalex

hummmm
idk...i am gonna have to disagree with u lex...

you see while the sterotype or the "generalisation" your putting on gay people may be so out in the general pubilc...
really, how many gay people here want to have sex on the first date? humm? Would u lex?

I think when he made that comment he was not being ignorant, nether was he generalizing but passivly being exaggerant about his statement. It's a commentary radio programme, people are listening and he wants to keep it real for the air so he keep/get more listeners. I remember Queer as Folk 1st season opening when Micheal said (in naration) "guys think about sex every 28 sec...well that is straight men, gay guys think about sex every 15 seconds." or something like that...

but fact is, i know allot of gay people, including myself who i am sure do not think of sex every 15 seconds. So I think it was meant to be a sarcastic joke.

atleast, from my point of view.

lemmi hear what others have to say huh?

I disagree, but with you and everyone else.

I don't think he was out to be ignorant, mean, or sarcastic. I think he honestly believes in what he said because that's what he's been taught. To him, he was simply stating fact. Tell me one culture on this entire planet that casts the homosexual culture in a positive light, regardless of how tolerant and accepting their governments might be? Zero.

When I say this I feel that I'm speaking for the majority of gay people, that we're not out to have sex all the time. But things like Will & Grace and Queer As Folk don't help our cause, because every single gay character in those shows is just out to get some dick (that's rude and I'm sorry, but it's the truth). So when a seemingly intelligent straight person goes on the radio and says something like that, it isn't at all surprising.

sexyalex · 8th Aug 2008, 09:49 PM

humm....never thought of it that way. but that maybe works too

neverover · 9th Aug 2008, 05:32 AM

well, my bf made out on our first date. but our first date doesnt lyk a first date. we know each other very well, because we text for lyk once in every 3 minutes. soo, we made out lyk old friends. lol

sexyalex · 9th Aug 2008, 07:47 AM

umm....Ramma dear, they said sex not make out <.<

...pfft, highschoolers

lmao lmfao jk jk jk. and u never even messaged me to tell me u were back safe D:

tr1ppy · 10th Aug 2008, 08:05 PM

Heh, I've still got my virgin-until-marriage standard.
So that doesn't apply to me.

8th Aug 2008, 03:51 PM	#1
agraves Amber Full Member Gender: Female Orientation: Lesbian Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Colorado Age: 28 Posts: 246 Join Date: Jun 2008	First date=sex? I was listening to the radio today and on this talk show in New York (Opie and Anthony or something like that) they were talking about first dates. They said that if you're a gay man then the first date means not going out to dinner or a movie as you would think, but having sex. Only after you had sex could you decide whether you liked the person and wanted to take them out on a real date. I don't want to seem ignorant and I highly doubt what they said is true, but I was just wondering if that's how it is. I mean, I wouldn't have sex on a first date to decide if I liked someone, I know people do it but that's usually all they're looking for, not a real relationship but sex. These guys are just ignorant, right? __________________ I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be. Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened.

8th Aug 2008, 03:59 PM	#2
Arrk Well Known Full Member Gender: Male Age: 19 Posts: 222 Join Date: Jul 2008	Re: First date=sex? Just another stereotype of gay people: that they are sex-driven maniacs. Those people really don't know anything about gay people. Of course there are gay people who do it but there are people in the straight community who also do it.

8th Aug 2008, 04:02 PM	#3
Martin EC's Red Queen EC Admin Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Some people Location: Merseyside, UK Age: 21 Posts: 8,038 Join Date: Nov 2007	Re: First date=sex? Hmmm, were the presenters actually gay? If so then that is probably just how they work. For them to say that is how the whole gay community works is just false representation and they're silly for even trying to get people to believe that. It shows what type of people they hang around with though if that's their impression of the gay community. If they aren't gay then who are they to even say what we do? It annoys me enough that we are told what rights we can and can't have by people who don't even see the world from our point of view, but to then try and say that we live exactly how some stereotype portrays us is nothing more than ignorance and bad presenting. Either way they're foolish for saying that. They can't talk about a diverse group of people like there is no mix inside that group. There is a mix of people in every group no matter how big or small it is. __________________ The blue whale ejaculates up to 40 gallons during sexual intercourse, but only 10 gallons enters the female. Do you still wonder why the sea tastes salty?

8th Aug 2008, 04:04 PM	#4
Lexington The gay gargoyle EC Advisor Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Colorado Age: 42 Posts: 12,370 Join Date: Dec 2007	Re: First date=sex? They're not ignorant so much as expanding a trend to encompass absolutely everybody. Let me pick another example. I don't think I'm going out on a limb by saying, among children, more girls own a pink bicycle than boys. What they've done is the equivalent of saying "If you're a girl, you own a pink bicycle." I think it's true that more gay men have sex on the first date than straights. Why? Less stuff to get through. If a straight guy wants to have sex with a woman, he has to make sure SHE wants to, and try to approach this idea without having her think he's only got sex on the brain. So there may be some touchy-feely moments, some mild flirting, some backing off, all that. It isn't at all surprising among gay guys to run into someone who is interested in taking things to the bedroom, so they can make their desires known by saying "You wanna?" Because of this, I'd say more gay first-dates end up in the bedroom than straight dates. But to say "A first gay date means sex"? That's stretching things. So why say it? Jealousy, I think. They'd love it if they could just do the "you wanna" thing. Lex

8th Aug 2008, 04:18 PM	#6
Lexington The gay gargoyle EC Advisor Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Colorado Age: 42 Posts: 12,370 Join Date: Dec 2007	Re: First date=sex? Don't they make a cute couple? Lex

8th Aug 2008, 06:08 PM	#8
SkyTears Head Thinking; Heart Bleeding Full Member Gender: Kyle XY Orientation: Gay Out Status: Pretty much everyone Location: Renton, WA Age: 22 Posts: 510 Join Date: Dec 2006	Re: First date=sex? I would have called them up and told them to get new sources because theirs are majorly flawed. __________________ "Time carries us away from all the places we have come to love; just wishing we could stay. But maybe that's not the point. What makes this all so god damn beautiful is knowing that its bound to fade in time." The Rain-FOREVERINMOTION

8th Aug 2008, 06:13 PM	#9
Miaplacidus Cheshire Cat Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gayer than not Out Status: Everyone who asks Location: Atlantida, Uruguay Age: 22 Posts: 5,080 Join Date: Feb 2007	Re: First date=sex? hm... I've had sex on my first date... more than once... :S Most of those times, it was the only date... feels like a whore __________________ We are all mad here.

8th Aug 2008, 08:13 PM	#10
Geist EC Addict Regular Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: All but distant family Location: Spokane WA United States Age: 21 Posts: 334 Join Date: Dec 2007	Re: First date=sex? Well I think they are ignorant I personally could never have sex with someone before I really dated and loved the person. Though I have been told by a guy that he wanted sex before we dated..... I cut that one off pretty quick. __________________ [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

8th Aug 2008, 08:17 PM	#11
gentlegiant4 Well Known Regular Member Gender: XY Orientation: i like d00dz Out Status: Out to everyone Location: az Posts: 163 Join Date: Dec 2007	Re: First date=sex? It may be a trend, but it's happening. I met this 15 year old kid online who does this routinely, often never speaking to the guy again. /sigh. Strange... but different strokes for different folks I guess. __________________

8th Aug 2008, 09:21 PM	#13
sexyalex Fame Monster copy No.2 Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: attracted to anyone sexy Out Status: only my friends know. Location: Kingston Age: 20 Posts: 1,410 Join Date: Dec 2007	Re: First date=sex? hummmm idk...i am gonna have to disagree with u lex... you see while the sterotype or the "generalisation" your putting on gay people may be so out in the general pubilc... really, how many gay people here want to have sex on the first date? humm? Would u lex? I think when he made that comment he was not being ignorant, nether was he generalizing but passivly being exaggerant about his statement. It's a commentary radio programme, people are listening and he wants to keep it real for the air so he keep/get more listeners. I remember Queer as Folk 1st season opening when Micheal said (in naration) "guys think about sex every 28 sec...well that is straight men, gay guys think about sex every 15 seconds." or something like that... but fact is, i know allot of gay people, including myself who i am sure do not think of sex every 15 seconds. So I think it was meant to be a sarcastic joke. atleast, from my point of view. lemmi hear what others have to say huh? __________________ I know that we are young and I know that you may love me, but I just can't be with you like this anymore. Alejandro.

8th Aug 2008, 09:49 PM	#15
sexyalex Fame Monster copy No.2 Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: attracted to anyone sexy Out Status: only my friends know. Location: Kingston Age: 20 Posts: 1,410 Join Date: Dec 2007	Re: First date=sex? humm....never thought of it that way. but that maybe works too __________________ I know that we are young and I know that you may love me, but I just can't be with you like this anymore. Alejandro.

9th Aug 2008, 05:32 AM	#16
neverover I Got Your Display of Affection Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: I Kiss Men With Lust Out Status: I'm Afraid If I Tell You I Have to Kill You Location: jakarta, indonesia Age: 21 Posts: 829 Join Date: Sep 2007	Re: First date=sex? well, my bf made out on our first date. but our first date doesnt lyk a first date. we know each other very well, because we text for lyk once in every 3 minutes. soo, we made out lyk old friends. lol __________________ I have met myself. He is quite a gentleman. But I'm too scared to get to know him. Nah, maybe we should just forget about this. You know what? I wanna do another quantum leap. After all, we're just molecules that can talk.

9th Aug 2008, 07:47 AM	#17
sexyalex Fame Monster copy No.2 Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: attracted to anyone sexy Out Status: only my friends know. Location: Kingston Age: 20 Posts: 1,410 Join Date: Dec 2007	Re: First date=sex? umm....Ramma dear, they said sex not make out <.< ...pfft, highschoolers lmao lmfao jk jk jk. and u never even messaged me to tell me u were back safe D: __________________ I know that we are young and I know that you may love me, but I just can't be with you like this anymore. Alejandro.

10th Aug 2008, 08:05 PM	#18
tr1ppy Member Regular Member Gender: Boy Orientation: Not sure (still trying to figure it out) Out Status: Not out at all Location: Central Age: 18 Posts: 13 Join Date: Aug 2008	Re: First date=sex? Heh, I've still got my virgin-until-marriage standard. So that doesn't apply to me. __________________ i need to be taken down.