I got an e-mail from a woman who is interested in PFLAG and information. She promised her lesbian daughter she'd give it a try. It turns out she lives in my same town rather than where my PFLAG chapter is located. She called today and is coming over tomorrow afternoon. I'm sitting here thinking she's a parent of a teenager. I said "Did your daughter just come out?" She said "Oh heavens no, she's been out for 20 years. She's had a commitment ceremony and they have a 3 year old daughter together. She's 42 years old." That is a VERY LONG time in the denial stage. I'll let you know how it goes.
...maybe her daughter just gave her PFLAG material? lol, 20 years seems like a really long time to have that on your mind... Hope everything goes well!
Well, she just left. I asked her if she was religious and she said "Oh yes, former Nazarene and now Assembly of God." I told her that I grew up in the Nazarene Church and asked her if she knew my Grandma who has passed. She said she knows of my family and knows my aunt and uncle. (the ones with the one man, one woman bumper stickers on their car and who called me up wanted me to go to a Love Won Out seminar! Grrr...) Anyway, I didn't say anything bad about my relatives. I just nodded. lol She said she believes her daughter "turned lesbian" because she was in a bad relationship/abusive relationship with a man. I didn't argue. I just said sometimes that happens. But the point is, you have had a strained relationship with your daughter for 20 years because of this. I pointed out that if you do believe this is a sin, then it is no bigger than any other sin right? And it is only God's place to judge? I said as parents our responsibilities are to love our children unconditionally. She agreed with that. I sent For the Bible Tells Me so with her and told her if she only watched one of the DVD's I sent with her, to watch that one. As she was leaving she said, "I should have done this along time ago." I told her that I bet she was making her daughter very happy knowing she was trying now. So I think it went fairly well. I was expecting somebody pretty set in their ways but I sensed she'd been through enough and was ready to open her mind. Yeah!!!
WOW good work Becky. Way to keep your cool. It'd reall suck to sit through all that and not try to correct her. This is why we love you Becky. Great Work!
Well, to accentuate the positive there is some comfort I think in the idea that some people do eventually come round, even if that "eventually" is 20 years. Well done Becky for keeping your cool through everything - I think your job must be really difficult sometimes - I know that I'd worry about making the wrong move, especially in cases where parents were only tenuously beginning to accept, where I'd worry about accidently pushing them away! And yes, I sincerely hope that no one's parents on here takes 20 years to come round. Although I'd rather this than never.
Yeah, with the religious people I do have to very careful. I don't want them to think that finding acceptance will make them have to give up their faith. So yes, I have to walk a fine line. I think I did okay today. She says she can't make a PFLAG meeting until probably November but I gave her alot of stuff to look over for now. I told her she could come over here anytime and talk too. She's a retired business high school teacher, by the way.