Wow! 20 years later, she calls PFLAG! - Empty Closets - A safe online community for gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered people coming out

beckyg · 11th Aug 2008, 10:30 AM

I got an e-mail from a woman who is interested in PFLAG and information. She promised her lesbian daughter she'd give it a try. It turns out she lives in my same town rather than where my PFLAG chapter is located. She called today and is coming over tomorrow afternoon. I'm sitting here thinking she's a parent of a teenager. I said "Did your daughter just come out?" She said "Oh heavens no, she's been out for 20 years. She's had a commitment ceremony and they have a 3 year old daughter together. She's 42 years old." That is a VERY LONG time in the denial stage. I'll let you know how it goes.

sdc91 · 11th Aug 2008, 10:31 AM

...maybe her daughter just gave her PFLAG material? lol, 20 years seems like a really long time to have that on your mind...

Hope everything goes well!

Ronnie92 · 11th Aug 2008, 01:04 PM

lol wow that is a long time

Sam · 11th Aug 2008, 01:34 PM

Wow! Well I guess you could think of the saying "better late than never" here.

beckyg · 11th Aug 2008, 01:51 PM

I hope it doesn't take 20 years for any of your parents to move toward acceptance!

**Gerry** · 11th Aug 2008, 02:28 PM

Wow -- 20 years is sure a long time to finally accept someone. Keep us posted on how it goes!

-Michael- · 11th Aug 2008, 03:22 PM

Maybe she forgot...

....kidding, kidding.

aha

11th Aug 2008, 03:25 PM

Better 20 years later than never:P

11th Aug 2008, 04:04 PM

Haha I love the maybe she forgot comment.! U ARE OFFICIALLY COOL

Tim · 12th Aug 2008, 03:15 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ty

Better 20 years later than never:P

That's what I was thinking :S

heatqueen · 12th Aug 2008, 04:39 AM

20 years, wow. Hope it doesn't take anyone I come out to 20 years...I'd be 36 by then.

beckyg · 12th Aug 2008, 02:07 PM

Well, she just left. I asked her if she was religious and she said "Oh yes, former Nazarene and now Assembly of God." I told her that I grew up in the Nazarene Church and asked her if she knew my Grandma who has passed. She said she knows of my family and knows my aunt and uncle. (the ones with the one man, one woman bumper stickers on their car and who called me up wanted me to go to a Love Won Out seminar! Grrr...) Anyway, I didn't say anything bad about my relatives. I just nodded. lol She said she believes her daughter "turned lesbian" because she was in a bad relationship/abusive relationship with a man. I didn't argue. I just said sometimes that happens. But the point is, you have had a strained relationship with your daughter for 20 years because of this. I pointed out that if you do believe this is a sin, then it is no bigger than any other sin right? And it is only God's place to judge? I said as parents our responsibilities are to love our children unconditionally. She agreed with that. I sent For the Bible Tells Me so with her and told her if she only watched one of the DVD's I sent with her, to watch that one. As she was leaving she said, "I should have done this along time ago." I told her that I bet she was making her daughter very happy knowing she was trying now. So I think it went fairly well. I was expecting somebody pretty set in their ways but I sensed she'd been through enough and was ready to open her mind.

Yeah!!!

InaRut · 12th Aug 2008, 02:10 PM

WOW good work Becky. Way to keep your cool. It'd reall suck to sit through all that and not try to correct her.

This is why we love you Becky. Great Work!

TriBi · 12th Aug 2008, 03:07 PM

Great story Becky - and THAT is why we all love ya!

Well done (as always)...

ccdd · 12th Aug 2008, 03:43 PM

Well, to accentuate the positive there is some comfort I think in the idea that some people do eventually come round, even if that "eventually" is 20 years.

Well done Becky for keeping your cool through everything - I think your job must be really difficult sometimes - I know that I'd worry about making the wrong move, especially in cases where parents were only tenuously beginning to accept, where I'd worry about accidently pushing them away!

And yes, I sincerely hope that no one's parents on here takes 20 years to come round. Although I'd rather this than never.

beckyg · 12th Aug 2008, 04:11 PM

Yeah, with the religious people I do have to very careful. I don't want them to think that finding acceptance will make them have to give up their faith. So yes, I have to walk a fine line. I think I did okay today. She says she can't make a PFLAG meeting until probably November but I gave her alot of stuff to look over for now. I told her she could come over here anytime and talk too. She's a retired business high school teacher, by the way.

11th Aug 2008, 10:30 AM	#1
beckyg PFLAG Mom Community Liaison Gender: Female Orientation: Straight Out Status: Out to everyone/Yes, parents come out too! Location: Middle of Oregon Age: 50 Posts: 7,572 Join Date: Mar 2007	Wow! 20 years later, she calls PFLAG! I got an e-mail from a woman who is interested in PFLAG and information. She promised her lesbian daughter she'd give it a try. It turns out she lives in my same town rather than where my PFLAG chapter is located. She called today and is coming over tomorrow afternoon. I'm sitting here thinking she's a parent of a teenager. I said "Did your daughter just come out?" She said "Oh heavens no, she's been out for 20 years. She's had a commitment ceremony and they have a 3 year old daughter together. She's 42 years old." That is a VERY LONG time in the denial stage. I'll let you know how it goes. __________________ "When we're free to love anyone we choose, When this worlds big enough for all different views, When we're all free to worship from our own kind of pew, Then we shall be free" ~ Garth Brooks

11th Aug 2008, 10:31 AM	#2
sdc91 Coop d'état Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Berlin, Germany Age: 21 Posts: 1,607 Join Date: Nov 2007	Re: Wow! 20 years later, she calls PFLAG! ...maybe her daughter just gave her PFLAG material? lol, 20 years seems like a really long time to have that on your mind... Hope everything goes well! __________________

11th Aug 2008, 01:04 PM	#3
Ronnie92 Musical Comic Geek Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Bisexual with a preference for guys Out Status: So much better than before Location: Atlantic City,NJ Age: 19 Posts: 732 Join Date: Aug 2008	Re: Wow! 20 years later, she calls PFLAG! lol wow that is a long time __________________ "Why should I apologize for being who I am when I am just being true to my self."-Ororo Munroe Xx Marie,Oswaldo,Tim,Igor Kenny,Amy,Sarah My EC Besties Forever xX Member of the Sailor Moon Made Me Gay Club

11th Aug 2008, 01:34 PM	#4
Sam "define normal" Full Member Gender: Female Orientation: Lesbian Out Status: out to most, ask and I'll tell Location: Oklahoma Age: 25 Posts: 1,206 Join Date: Aug 2006	Re: Wow! 20 years later, she calls PFLAG! Wow! Well I guess you could think of the saying "better late than never" here. __________________ Love knows no gender, it has no boundaries, it is blind yet everyday I wake up to a world of hate and little acceptance, it's sad that I'm hated not for who I am but for who I love~ me (Sam)

11th Aug 2008, 01:51 PM	#5
beckyg PFLAG Mom Community Liaison Gender: Female Orientation: Straight Out Status: Out to everyone/Yes, parents come out too! Location: Middle of Oregon Age: 50 Posts: 7,572 Join Date: Mar 2007	Re: Wow! 20 years later, she calls PFLAG! I hope it doesn't take 20 years for any of your parents to move toward acceptance! __________________ "When we're free to love anyone we choose, When this worlds big enough for all different views, When we're all free to worship from our own kind of pew, Then we shall be free" ~ Garth Brooks

11th Aug 2008, 02:28 PM	#6
Gerry We're all a little mad! EC Moderator Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Some people Location: Las Vegas Age: 24 Posts: 5,542 Join Date: Jan 2008	Re: Wow! 20 years later, she calls PFLAG! Wow -- 20 years is sure a long time to finally accept someone. Keep us posted on how it goes! __________________ "Everybody's journey is individual. If you fall in love with a boy, you fall in love with a boy. The fact that many Americans consider it a disease says more about them than it does about homosexuality".-James Baldwin

11th Aug 2008, 03:22 PM	#7
-Michael- Been gone a while. Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: DragonPhoenixLightningAwesome Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Middlesbrough, North-east England Age: 20 Posts: 2,198 Join Date: Jun 2008	Re: Wow! 20 years later, she calls PFLAG! Maybe she forgot... ....kidding, kidding. aha

11th Aug 2008, 03:25 PM	#8
Ty Guest Posts: n/a	Re: Wow! 20 years later, she calls PFLAG! Better 20 years later than never:P

11th Aug 2008, 04:04 PM	#9
Latinokid Guest Posts: n/a	Re: Wow! 20 years later, she calls PFLAG! Haha I love the maybe she forgot comment.! U ARE OFFICIALLY COOL

12th Aug 2008, 04:39 AM	#11
heatqueen Official #1 fan of Celine Dion Full Member Gender: Female Orientation: Pansexual/Homoromantic bisexual Out Status: Generally whoever asks Location: I travel a lot Age: 20 Posts: 5,703 Join Date: Jan 2008	Re: Wow! 20 years later, she calls PFLAG! 20 years, wow. Hope it doesn't take anyone I come out to 20 years...I'd be 36 by then. __________________ Don't drink and drive. You might hit a bump and spill your drink. Co-founder of the 'Sailor Moon Made Me Gay' club...and the lesbians.

12th Aug 2008, 02:07 PM	#12
beckyg PFLAG Mom Community Liaison Gender: Female Orientation: Straight Out Status: Out to everyone/Yes, parents come out too! Location: Middle of Oregon Age: 50 Posts: 7,572 Join Date: Mar 2007	Re: Wow! 20 years later, she calls PFLAG! Well, she just left. I asked her if she was religious and she said "Oh yes, former Nazarene and now Assembly of God." I told her that I grew up in the Nazarene Church and asked her if she knew my Grandma who has passed. She said she knows of my family and knows my aunt and uncle. (the ones with the one man, one woman bumper stickers on their car and who called me up wanted me to go to a Love Won Out seminar! Grrr...) Anyway, I didn't say anything bad about my relatives. I just nodded. lol She said she believes her daughter "turned lesbian" because she was in a bad relationship/abusive relationship with a man. I didn't argue. I just said sometimes that happens. But the point is, you have had a strained relationship with your daughter for 20 years because of this. I pointed out that if you do believe this is a sin, then it is no bigger than any other sin right? And it is only God's place to judge? I said as parents our responsibilities are to love our children unconditionally. She agreed with that. I sent For the Bible Tells Me so with her and told her if she only watched one of the DVD's I sent with her, to watch that one. As she was leaving she said, "I should have done this along time ago." I told her that I bet she was making her daughter very happy knowing she was trying now. So I think it went fairly well. I was expecting somebody pretty set in their ways but I sensed she'd been through enough and was ready to open her mind. Yeah!!! __________________ "When we're free to love anyone we choose, When this worlds big enough for all different views, When we're all free to worship from our own kind of pew, Then we shall be free" ~ Garth Brooks

12th Aug 2008, 02:10 PM	#13
InaRut EC's Nu-Disco Walrus Full Member Gender: IRL Yaoi Character Orientation: (｡◕‿◕。) Out Status: ㅎ_ㅎ Location: Montreal, Quebec, Canada Age: 22 Posts: 7,111 Join Date: Oct 2007	Re: Wow! 20 years later, she calls PFLAG! WOW good work Becky. Way to keep your cool. It'd reall suck to sit through all that and not try to correct her. This is why we love you Becky. Great Work! __________________ "The first duty of every Starfleet Officer is to the truth. Whether it's scientific truth, historical truth, or personal truth. It is the guiding principle to which Starfleet is based. If you can't find it within yourself, to tell the truth about what happened, then you don't deserve to where that uniform."

12th Aug 2008, 03:07 PM	#14
TriBi Cheers! Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Bisexual Location: DownUnder Posts: 3,894 Join Date: Dec 2004	Re: Wow! 20 years later, she calls PFLAG! Great story Becky - and THAT is why we all love ya! Well done (as always)...

12th Aug 2008, 03:43 PM	#15
ccdd Procrastination Queen Full Member Gender: Female Orientation: Bisexual Out Status: 30(ish) friends, but mostly closeted. Out to mum Location: UK Posts: 1,009 Join Date: Nov 2007	Re: Wow! 20 years later, she calls PFLAG! Well, to accentuate the positive there is some comfort I think in the idea that some people do eventually come round, even if that "eventually" is 20 years. Well done Becky for keeping your cool through everything - I think your job must be really difficult sometimes - I know that I'd worry about making the wrong move, especially in cases where parents were only tenuously beginning to accept, where I'd worry about accidently pushing them away! And yes, I sincerely hope that no one's parents on here takes 20 years to come round. Although I'd rather this than never.

12th Aug 2008, 04:11 PM	#16
beckyg PFLAG Mom Community Liaison Gender: Female Orientation: Straight Out Status: Out to everyone/Yes, parents come out too! Location: Middle of Oregon Age: 50 Posts: 7,572 Join Date: Mar 2007	Re: Wow! 20 years later, she calls PFLAG! Yeah, with the religious people I do have to very careful. I don't want them to think that finding acceptance will make them have to give up their faith. So yes, I have to walk a fine line. I think I did okay today. She says she can't make a PFLAG meeting until probably November but I gave her alot of stuff to look over for now. I told her she could come over here anytime and talk too. She's a retired business high school teacher, by the way. __________________ "When we're free to love anyone we choose, When this worlds big enough for all different views, When we're all free to worship from our own kind of pew, Then we shall be free" ~ Garth Brooks

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