Too Out and Proud?

My uncle is like this in my opinion. My aunt is not homophobic, but my uncle talks with her about his flings when he calls her. She gets aggravated and says she loves him but doesn't want to hear every detail just like she doesn't share every detail with him. When gay marriage originally passed in MI, he celebrated(which I do too even though mostly closeted), and he said "taste the rainbow b*****".

 

Yes, I do think people can definitely be like this.

 

No, not really. It can be obnoxious, sure, but not any more than heterosexual stuff that's literally everywhere.

 

Yes, but it's worse with heterosexuals no matter what; the amount of straight people (especially men) who have to confirm their heterosexuality every second sentence makes me angry when people complain about being too out as queer.

 

YES! Some gay guys bring it up ALL the time and rub it in your face. That gives us all a bad name. It lives up to the stereotype of all gay guys wanting to "flaunt it" and "shove it down everyone's throats".

 

The same people who complain when queers do it are the ones who have no problem with excessive heterosexuality.

It's not giving us a bad name, it's proving who's only superficially accepting.

 

Yes, especially if they feel the need to buck and fight like bulls whenever they are challenged, its very annoying and just plain disgusting:bang:

 

I agree with this.

 

Not necessarily true. Even when I was closeted and a younger kid, I never liked seeing straight people make out{for a long time} or have sex in public, especially when there are young kids around. It doesn't matter if it is gay or straight sexual activity.

 

This isn't necessarily public affection, it's voice, mannerisms, and so on which are criticised for being "too gay" when it makes someone uncomfortable. You don't have to be overly sexual for straight people to criticise; being visibly or audibly anything but straight will cause many of them to complain.

 

This is true. Sorry, I misunderstood what you were saying to a degree.

 

I don't have much issue with displays of affection or "gayness," provided they are not flagrant (i.e. "get a damn room already).

I will admit that I still have issues with gender nonconforming people. Today, I was at the McDonald's inside Walmart (how more American can you get :lol and a male-bodied person got in line to order. He was wearing makeup, eyeliner, eyeshadow and concealer (according to my sister), a very "out there" haircut, a big feminine purse, and a very "flamboyant" attitude. Even though said person was out with a girl, who I presume is not his girlfriend, he did make me somewhat uncomfortable for portraying his identity in public that way. Part of it stems from the fact that I was raised in a gendered environment and the other part stems from the fact that, if he is indeed queer*, we would be in the same boat in the eyes of society and his image would tarnish my image (while my image would help continue to normalize queers).

This is a very wrong and biased way to look at the world and it shows I still have strides to make but, according to me, I feel that the aforementioned person was "too out and proud" even if his actual sexual orientation was not "out there."

*While I personally am loath to use the word "queer," given that I assume we both fell in the LGBT spectrum, I figured it was the best word to use for this circumstance.

 

sometimes I feel too loud and proud when I wear my LGBT+ ribbon. I think there is levels to it. I will sometimes comment about a guy but its not something I make big deal of.

 

I suppose it could be a problem when it involves excluding and/or discriminating against others. There have been stereotypical, effeminate gay men who think it's perfectly okay to call their female friends names like "whore", "slut", and "bitch", since they're just "expressing themselves", but then, their friends are also as guilty for playing into this trend.

Then you have those who literally talk of nothing else; it's like, "do you have anything else going on in life for you?"

 

Yes, people can be too loud about being gay. When I was in the closet (ok still in denial to myself) I worked at taco bell. They hired this guy who I swear would have been out in the parking lot with a siren to attract attention to himself so that everyone would see him waving a rainbow flag and yelling I'm gay in a bullhorn if they would have let him. He also went on and on about how he was"more cultured" than everyone else because he was gay. If I would have been in my truck while he was walking across the parking lot I probably would have mowed him down!!

I'm gay. I haven't told my parents I'm gay but they live an hour away. I'm not afraid to tell anyone around here I'm gay but I don't go parading it around. To me talking about being gay is like talking about my daughter. If the conversation is going somewhere where it seems prudent I'll tell you, but I'm not going to just walk up and tell everyone I'm gay just like I'm not going to walk up to random people and tell them stories about my daughter. Both are important parts of my life but there is no need to shove either down people's throats.

I find that letting someone know I'm gay in the middle of a regular conversation goes pretty smooth. Most people just say something along the lines of "that's cool" and continue the conversation. Yea, sometimes the conversation pauses a few seconds while their brain manually resets and sometimes I have to tell them a few times before they remember but I prefer that to shoving it down their throat. I find that easing people into it leaves them accepting. Trying to force it on people leads to resistance.

 

Sure, there are people who are sort of obsessed with it. Unfortunately, though, I find a lot of people think a lot of things are too much for gay people that they think are totally alright for straight people and I think out of a fear of being "too out" a lot of gay people police themselves in ways that straight people don't. For that reason I don't feel it is helpful to dwell on the notion of being "too out". I find that a lot of people, even gay people, spend a lot of time convincing themselves that it's not necessary to bring it up. A lot of people will say something like I'm not out at work because why would I talk about my sex life at work? Fair enough, but a lot of people are doing a lot of mental gymnastics not to bring it up under the notion that it didn't come up. The fact of the matter is that if you went to a great restaurant last night with the guy you are dating you can tell people about the restaurant without mentioning the guy you went with but I can guarantee you your straight male coworkers would not tell that story without the girl they went with even coming up. The fact of the matter is that no one needs to comment when someone attractive visits the office, but my straight coworkers do. I don't think they are rubbing my faces in their straightness.

The fact of the matter is that I think we need to stop throwing each other under the bus. I firmly believe that gay people who form those divides where they are the good way to be gay and others are doing gay the bad way do themselves and the community more harm than they realize. I really do think every time you mention that someone else is being too gay, too out, too campy you are giving the people around you permission to engage in whatever homophobic notions they have--after all, they can say, even gay people think it. I think we tend to draw these lines in the hopes that if we can draw the line just so and we are on the right side of the line then people will accept us even if they don't accept "gay people". I don't think straight people think of it that way--I think they really either think there's something wrong with being gay or there's not and reaffirming their notions that there is something wrong with being gay isn't doing anyone any good.

 

Yeah, what he said.

Todd

 

Ditto, and exactly right. Each moment we engage in self-censorship because of a fear of offending someone's sensibilities is the moment we hand the haters a little victory. There is a time and place for everything, but as the Michael Sam kissing episode demonstrates, we each need to be courageous enough to demonstrate that we are not afraid of public displays of affection, we each have to have the guts to make this as "normal" as hetero PDA.

The hope, eventually, is that talking about our relationships should be as "normal" as it is for straight people. Until then, it will always seem like it is "too much" for the same people who were made uncomfortable by Sam's kiss (whether or not they support us).

 

I don't think this is a gay issue as much as a human issue.

The conflict is prudes vs sexually liberal people.

I am a bit prudish and don't like being explicit and graphic in what I tell people, but gay and heterosexual people alike can push the boundary and get a bit too detailed.

It's more a human personality problem than anything. I know many straight guys and girls that can be just as obnoxious as an overtly gay person.

When you make your sexuality define your existence there is going to be a problem.

I think of myself human first, Canadian second, Serbian, Bosnian, Belgian, Irish, Greek and Egpytian third, an Ontario resident fourth, a GTA resident fifth, a hick sixth, a young man seventh, and gay person last.

I am much more proud of my heritage, species, and nation than my sexuality. Every living thing has some form of sexuality, it's not special.

I'd honestly rather talk about my musical preference before my sexual preference, music and even food is more important to me. I was born gay, but my musical preference is unique to me and says more about me then who I like to sleep with.