I like men so much and I treat them so nice and I don't get nothing in return

Hi I just wanted to know if it's possible to stop liking men so much

I always though of it but now I officially quit, I give up on having a real and healthy relationship. Look, I always fall for the wrong guy, let me introduce all of my previous crushes

Crush #1: I fell deeply in love for the first time in 6th grade. I swear I used to wright about him all the time on my journal. This guy was in the same class I was, he actually joined it the last year so I only could see him a very short time and I didn't find him attractive until the school was almost over. This kid was a little bit of a bully but at times he used to be nice and caring as well, like when another bully beat me up. When the elementary school was over I decided to visit him at his place (I'm a little bit of a stalker) and his younger sister recognized me. We had a little friendly chat until he came along and kicked my butt out of the block. Never saw again, and it's funny because we were practically neighbors.

Crush #2: This was the hottest guy in class, a very handsome jock that caught my attention the second I noticed his presence. At this time I used to love romantic comedies starring Julia Roberts so my perception of love was a little unrealistic. I was shy so I got close to him when I saw a few "signs" from him, he used to call me handsome all the time and he's the kind of guy that likes to pretend he's gay, I don't know why exactly. At christmas season I fantasied about him all the time, then few weeks later I asked him right there in the classroom if he wanted to be my boyfriend and he totally freaked out. Then he started picking up on me like all the rest. Few weeks later I forgot about him but in the senior year I became obsessed about him again because he finally got a girlfriend (because he didn't in previous years I always thought it could be a chance), I hear he left the state and he's now leaving in other place and has a daughter

Crush #3: Right after I opened up with the previous crush and he disappointed me, I fell in love again only 1 month later. We were both 13 at the time. This was a geeky guy, he lacked the looks but he totally had charisma on his side. He was a friend of a friend and I gave him a valentine's day present. Then, because I bet with one of my friends, I told him how much I liked him and he said he already knew about that, he was told. His attitude didn't change but mine did: I felt so ashamed so I stopped talking to him, never spoke with him again. He was a genuine gentlemen, I remember that everyone in his class hated me, except him and the friend we had in common. I was in love with him throughout junior high, he had several girlfriends and I couldn't help feeling jealous all those years. I don't know nothing about him anymore, and I barely remember him in a romantic way

Crush #4: After all the years of homophobic bullying I was terrified to repeat the same story in High School. I met this skinny and green eyed guy and for the first time I held myself from telling him my feelings. The school teachers went on strike for one and a half month and GOD! how I missed him! we were in the same class together but my best girlfriend at the time HATED him and his friends, so the classroom was practically divided in two and you could a lot of tension. We never spoke to each other but he used to stare at me very much, so did I. I didn't know if he was attracted to me somehow or maybe he was trying to be a bully. When we finally got back to school I was shocked to find that he knew a girlfriend and I think they might be still together!! I tried to express my feelings 4 years after but I thought it was pointless

Crush #5 and #1 "boyfriend" one year after the previous one I decided that I deserved to have a relationship no matter what! so I stopped looking in my classrooms and created a gay cruising profile. The first couple of weeks it didn't work but then one hottie caught my attention. He was skinny as well but much more athletic. The first day I felt a connection and a chemistry. We spent HOURS talking in MSN, sending romantic texts and for the first time I felt attractive. But all the magic disappeared when we actually met. The first two dates were awesome, he was indeed attractive and careless but he had a double life and a much younger girlfriend. When I found that out, I became jealous and possessive, then he had no longer interest in me. I could notice he had a lot of internalized homophobia. I told his girlfriend about us and he obviously hates me ever since. I tried to get him back, I was obsessed with him during 4 years, every song and every man reminded me of him as he was the only person that made me feel attractive for a fraction of a second. I didn't have another crush for a loooooooong time. I don't know how he's doing now, I called him 2 years later after broke up and he treated me like garbage, I tried to kill myself and when I woke up all by myself without him by side, I realized it wasn't worth it. Don't even consider him a boyfriend anymore, so practically I've been single my entire life. We were 17 at the time

I learned a lot about this crappy relationship though

Crush #6 this guy is also from high school, I met him in the drama club, he was 17 and I was 20 so he was forbidden. I loved his manly voice (very similar to my "ex-boyfriend's") and how he delivered his lines. He was bisexual, he hated homophobia so I thought I could have a chance, I became a close friend but he only talked about himself, he was so boring. Then I asked him if he would date me and he simply answered no. He ended up with another chick from the drama club (which I dropped)

Crush #7 I met this guy on the subway, he looked at each other, I talked to him and it seemed like he was gay or bisexual. He really seemed interested so I gave him my facebook and he never added me

Crush #8 (and final) this one is from high school, too, he's 19 and I'm 21. He's a bodybuilder. I think he's very attractive and nice. Because we don't have the same classes I asked him his wattsapp and he gave it to me like it was nothing. He barely texts me, but I think it's because he's not a man of words and he could be a little shy. He invited me to join him and his friend to celebrate his birthday and he left waiting, never called me at all, never told me where he would wait for me or where I could reach them. That was so harsh, I mean if he doesn't want me to go why did he invite me in first place? I'm so angry and sad but I saw it coming, after all the shitty experiences I leaned that it's very unlikely that a man will find me attractive so I don't want to find men attractive either

This latter guy really made me reevaluate all my "romantic biography" to find what's wrong:dry:

Yes, most of these guys were (or seemed to be) straight, but I can't help falling in love tiwh straight guys, they're the vast majority, and even some bi/gay guys didn't like me back so what's wrong with me? I don't consider myself unattractive at all, but no one hits on me, no one likes me back, I just give up guys :tears:

 

I disagree, from my experience I learned that you can't always tell when somebody's straights or gay. That's the reason I try to open up with them every time.

And also, 3 of these guys were bisexual/gay, 1 was suspicious and the rest never told me if they were 100% straight :dry:

Only two of them were obsessed with football, and were bisexual so it's invalid. And they weren't really THAT attractive either

---------- Post added 1st Jun 2014 at 08:13 AM ----------

aww thank you so much for your support :smilewave


Look, I think I ran out of love, my passion doesn't feel raw and pure anymore. This last guy never called me and I didn't feel so bad about it so maybe I got used to it

Naah, I won't do it ever again :dry:

 

By the way, none of these guys were supermodels, they were average looking guys that I happened to like at some point of my life

 

I envy you