aren't you tired of "reading signs"

One option is simply to be more obvious yourself and let other people figure you out...

You don't say how old you are, but this is something we all have to deal with...it isn't easy, but it is part of the adventure to find that perfect someone...

 

It gets easier as your social circles begin to become more solid... Less guessing and more knowing.. Of course you still have to work through the figuring out if they like you. But early 20s can be tough. I found in my late 20 and Iinto my 30s it has gotten much easier... Of course I have more of a "I don't give a f about who knows... So that makes it easier to attract people".

 

This has definitely been the case for me. Some people are, some people aren't. I hardly ever even think about any kind of difficulty in telling any more. Of course when I was younger I also lived in neighborhoods where if anything there was probably a presumption that people, especially guys, were gay--I mean unless they gave concrete signs (they told you) that they were straight.:lol:

 

at first I tried way to hard to understand signals and stuff it just stressed me out if something happens it happens.

 

Straight people have everything about romance easier. Don't be bitter, be happy; you will be more attractive to others if you are happy. And, remember, if it doesn't kill you it makes you stronger, which is why so many gay people are awesome, including you. :smilewave

 

No he means he stoped trying to read into every little thing and let it happen organically. Which is OK if your willing to put yourself out there enough for something to happen organically

 

I don't think he means out as in "out about sexuality" but out as in willingly putting yourself in social situations and letting nature take it's course as opposed to deliberately trying to make something work.

 

Being "out" doesn't automatically just mean that guys compatible with you are just going to show up on your door step. It takes time and effort on your part to make it work. Flip it around and come at it from the prospect of one of your peers. What do YOU do to be seen by them? What have you done to put yourself in a place where they might be able to approach you. Have you gone around knocking on doors? (You did get the address list from the Pink mafia when you came out right? j/k)

For the OP and the rest of you out there hoping that coming "out" will fix all your boy problems, be forewarned that it will still be difficult. You have to make the effort to reap the rewards. Sometimes love just happens and sometimes you have to kiss lots of toads to find the one worth it. And when you do, you will look back and say "wow that wasn't as hard as I thought it was".. Because the journey will be more than worth the rewards...

Have patience... be proactive instead of reactive. put yourself out there... But find yourself guys that like the hobbies that you do. So you have things to build off of and grow from... That will make building a relationship easier...

 

Read Hyaline's reply, he took all of my thoughts and compiled it all in a beautiful post

 

I think it's just a long hard slog to find someone. I don't think it's at all unique to gay people. Just about every chick flick in existence indicates that apparently straight women don't have a very good time of it either. Like Hyaline said you just have to kiss a lot of toads. When you say you have tried apps, tried clubs I guess my question is: how much have you tried them?

I met my husband of 16 years in a bar. But I certainly didn't meet him the first time I went. I went out to gay bars/clubs literally hundreds of times before that. I met hundreds of guys, became friends with a lot of them, dated a fair number of them, slept with more of them than I generally admit to in polite company. I didn't just go to bars, I lead a gay book group, went to gay concerts and fairs, volunteered with gay charities. For several years in my twenties I hardly even knew any straight people. I didn't do all that to try to meet my husband--if I had I would have given up years before I found him. I did it because it was fun and I was living my life. And along the way I considered hundreds of men--with wildly differing degrees of seriousness. And why wouldn't I? I'm awesome. Being with me is awesome. Why wouldn't I hold extensive auditions for the position?:lol:

My suggestion would be that you stop working at it so hard. Try when you can to put yourself in situations where you will encounter other gay men and just have fun. Build a great life that a great guy would want to be part of--whether til death do you part or just long enough to go to the moves. Have faith that you're awesome and some awesome guy is going to want to be with you.

 

I feel ya on this one!