How do i know if i am ugly?

Whatever you do, don't base all your notions about your looks on pictures, especially if they're cellphone selfies. Lots of people look worse in pictures than in real life, myself included. For a while I thought I might have been fooling myself, but I noticed that some other people I know look much better in real life than in photos. The mirror is a better indicator.

 

Here are some things I consider to be true about beauty:

1.) A huge factor in attraction is confidence. People feel comfortable with and admire others who have a sense of identity, are proud of who they are, and are not anxious and upset about the way they look.

2.) Confidence is not about perfection. It is not about being lucky. Confidence is about *acceptance*. It is about acknowledging aspects of yourself as they are, deciding to focus on the positive and hopeful aspects, and being proud of your own uniqueness.

3.) Beauty often comes from creativity. Choosing and spending time on assembling stylish clothing to send a message, wearing make-up, picking a hair-cut that frames your features, wearing certain colors -- while nobody NEEDS to do these things, they often enhance beauty and add another facet to the way we look, because of the fact that we're essentially turning our bodies into living, moving art. We are expressing our preferences, highlighting our favorite features, and even transforming ourselves according to a mood or a theme.

4.) Being clean and caring for your body make you beautiful. Bathing, trimming your hair and nails, eliminating the smell of bacteria and waste, and caring for your body as if it were a sacred place, a temple, holy ground - really contributes in a positive way to the way a person looks and influences others.

5.) Personal tastes are just tastes. Some people prefer smooth lines and small features, some others prefer scruffy hair and hard lines. Some people like chubby, some people like thin. You will never be "beautiful" or "handsome" to everyone, so it's not something to even be bothered by.

6. When people meet your gaze and look away, it's not about you. When it appears as if people are smiling and talking about you, they aren't. This is a survival trick our brain plays on us. It's attempting to get us to conform to the group for the sake of survival. In ancient times this was useful - you needed to fit in to survive. Now that we live in cities, have access to clean water and doctors, we can survive on our own.

7. When people make comments about you that are negative, snarky, hurtful, cruel, and thoughtless - it's about THEM. We see ourselves as actors on the stage, and everyone around us as the audience. We think that the audience's reaction to us is a reflection of our behavior and our value, but that's not true. The audience's reaction is actually a projection of themselves. People come to you with expectations, different values, with hurts and fears that plague them, with a lack of information, and with their own way of expressing themselves. So when they react to us, they are reacting out of their own insecurity.

Often times when people tell us we're stupid, it's because THEY feel threatened by something we've said. It's because they feel a little bit powerless, or they are afraid that they might be stupid. If they actually took issue with our idea, they would respond the same way a friend might: "I don't agree with that, here's some evidence as to why." rather than resort to an attack.

See what I'm saying?

8. Finally - people aren't actually thinking about you. Especially if they are young adults (<25). They are, more than likely, thinking about themselves. You would be surprised how few people actually think about others deeply. Sure, there are times, especially in high school where people gossip or tell stories, but even in those cases it's unlikely that YOU are the subject. It's more likely that the purpose of telling of these stories is to work through some of the fears and insecurities of their own.

Anyway... are you ugly? A better question is:

Do you care about yourself? What are your favorite features? Do you have a favorite t-shirt or outfit? How do you feel when you wear something you love? Do you take a shower? Do you take care of your body?

Lastly, to reiterate -- it's not about perfection. Celebrate every tiny little thing about yourself and before you know it you're standing in front of a mountain of hope and value.

 

No "attractive" person is gonna be attractive to everyone and no "unattractive" person is gonna be unattractive to everyone. It's all about a person's personal taste.

 

In my opinion, the only thing that can make you ugly is if you look at the world through a veil of hate, anger, ignorance or violence.

In terms of physical attractiveness, if people tell you you're ugly (verbally or non-verbally) - they're actually doing it in order to make themselves feel less ugly. So try not to take it personally.

On top of personal preference, being "physically beautiful" (e.g. model looks) is determined by the culture and the time. Just look at the difference between models in the 50s and 60s compared to today.
Even just look at the change in world fashion from season to season, what was "beautiful" yesterday is "ugly" today or vice versa.

The fact that it changes all the time means that there is no 'set of features' that make you more or less attractive than anyone else.
So you're being compared (or comparing yourself) to an ideal that doesn't really exist.

Sorry, as always I went off on a tangent.
Hope something there helps though.

Peace be with you.

 

I really love this one.

 

You look how you feel. If you feel like shit the you will look like it. On the other hand if you feel like gold, you will look like the hottest person around. Work on your self esteem and confidence.

 

Ugh, I hate taking pictures sometimes. I think I look better in real life than in photos. My sisters say the same thing. Looks are important, but there's more to a person than looks.

 

I'm like you; I can't take pictures for crap. I'll look in the mirror and make a cute face, take a photo of the same face, and suddenly my eyes have shrunk back into my head. They're always so tiny in selfies. Drives me insane. The camera doesn't do enough justice to anyone.

I personally believe that ugly people are the ones with bad attitudes. It makes me look at them differently. So if someone is nice and friendly, I generally can't help but find them attractive. You describe yourself as disproportionate, but it sounds like you're more athletic to me. There's a ton of short guys at my school who are all shoulders, with tiny waists and short legs, and they're no different from the other guys. I don't know a lot about body builds and such, but I can certainly understand when people find something attractive. There's no need for you to worry, just love yourself and the world will follow suit.

 

Please please please don't base your self worth based on pictures. I agree with everyone else, pictures don't determine your "attractiveness". I mean, I feel I look ugly in pictures but in real life, I look better and I've noticed this for others too. The camera doesn't do everyone justice and if you're going off of what you see in modeling magazines (both women and men), they are often touched up and enhanced to look more appealing. Photoshop is a very powerful tool lol

I love Ilikethemoon's answer the most. It's true. Even if someone calls you ugly, that doesn't mean you're "ugly" to EVERYONE. Everyone has different preferences. I'll use me for example.

I won't lie, I do like muscles on a guy but the funny thing is, I'm more attracted to the off season bodybuilder look. The guys who work out but don't look all ultra defined with shredded abs. I call it the fitness magazine look. That does nothing for me at all. But show me a beefy muscular built guy and I melt lol. See what I mean? Because in mainstream, the magazine fitness guy would be the cats meow but it's not mine haha.

Just remember to take care of yourself and keep a level head/positive attitude. There is nothing more of a turn off then a guy who constantly talks down about himself. A smile can make a big difference. And I wholeheartdly agree that when someone actually tries to make you feel bad, that speaks volumes on their own personality and you are at no fault.

I hope you feel better. Please, don't sweat it. You're going to be fine. If your self image is really that bad to you, you can always do little things like pamper yourself or workout or go out and learn something new. So don't give up my friend.

 

If you think you're handsome, other people will pick up on that and agree.

 

I wonder the same about myself, but I am confident either way & at least try when given the opportunity.

 

Pictures are 2d. People are 3d. It's worth remembering that, both literally and figuratively =]

 

^This. It may sound ridiculous, but attractiveness isn't as based in looks as most people assume. It's mostly based on confidence. If you believe you are attractive, then you will be attractive.

Really, though, I don't think anyone is ugly. There are very few people who I think that word describes and that's mostly because of their personality.

I would suggest trying to have more self-confidence. Up until this year I was always very self-conscious and I was completely convinced that I was ugly and no one would ever find me attractive. As a result, no one ever payed any attention to me. I faded into the background and no one looked at me twice. This year I became very confident in myself and my looks and the difference in the way people treat me is extremely noticeable. I get compliments all the time and a few people have specifically told me that they find me much more attractive because of my confidence.

Attractiveness isn't about being perfect. It's about loving your imperfections so much that other people do to.

Just start telling yourself that you're attractive until you believe it. I used to play a game where once a day I had to look in the mirror and name five qualities that I liked about my appearance without listing any negatives. Eventually you realize that the negatives aren't as bad as you thought.

Also, one other thing: being a virgin has nothing to do with attractiveness. Just because you've never had sex it doesn't make you any less attractive.

 

Only if you don't have an alibi. ;P JK

 

I have very low self esteem about my appearance. I've always been teased and make fun of when I was young by friends and family. I grew up knowing I'm ugly and never had the confidence to even talk to people. I shut myself out, build the wall around me and become a loner.
I don't want to be ugly so I tried to want a way to be less ugly. I can't drown on it anymore. I was tired of hating myself so I start taking care of myself. Learn to like things about myself. Well...I'm not fat. That's a good thing and I like to keep it that way. I exercise to keep myself in shape. I have bad skin so I googled how to get healthy skin. I just have to eat less sugar, get some sun, wash my face daily, eat more vegetable, eat some fruits, use lotion, etc. Now that's just my first step of wanting to be less ugly by getting myself healthy.
My next step was trying different kind of clothes. Something that I feel comfortable wearing without feeling awkward. Skirts doesn't suite me...I don't feel comfortable wearing it so I don't wear it. I'm more of a tomboy I like comfortable clothes. So I find comfortable clothes that I think I look decent to wear.
Last step I did was my hair. I have round/square face so keeping long hair is better. It help shape my face so doesn't look so round and ugly. I know I'm not pretty but at least I'm less ugly. I look at myself in the mirror and I still think I'm ugly. But hey, at least I'm not fat and I'm healthy. I'm happy with that.

I know I wrote a lot but that's what I went through to learn to like myself.
What are you doing?

 

I was told that looking at yourself is comprable to when you think of a word so much or use it so much it doesnt sound like a word anymore, because you look at yourself so much other people dont see the same thing you do but I am pretty sure people around me see me way more than I ever do because I avoid mirrors because they depress so is it the opposite or do other people look at your face so much they get used to it so it isnt really ugly it just is?