So I only recently realized I'm interested in men. Not sure if I'm gay or bi or just curious... Anyways I guess I can't use faggot as my go to insult anymore. Feel kinda bad about having done it actually. Well I'm willing to admit when I'm wrong, and I apologize for using terms identified with homosexuality as derogatory statements. I guess it was poetic justice when I kinda accidentally offended myself by saying it earlier. It might be important to note I have never had a problem with gays personally. I never bullied gays or anything. I mostly just avoided them. I'm sorry, and I have decided today to make a concerted effort to stop immediately. I'm really sorry, and I just feel i should admit to my tresspasses against this community before I can ask its help.
We all have made mistakes, and the important thing is that you have learned from those mistakes that you have made. Don't beat yourself up too much, I was in your shoes once too. Before I came out (the first time as being bi, I came out as trans later), I was really, really homophobic. I think that the important thing here is that you forgive yourself, for your past actions and your current ones (because it will take some time to break that habit. But, I know that you will be able to do it )
I was like you a lot as far as avoiding gay people as friends. Never used any slurs, but they gravitated away from me. A lot of it was because of my family and the general perception of the church I attended(and I do get it). I still have a lot of internalized homophobia(b/c only been around a few gay friends), and I am ashamed to say I voted against the gay marriage amendment while only supporting civil unions. It was my way of saying in my mind, "see, I am not homophobic, I want to give them some rights, but I am not one of them." It's actually therapeutic to talk about it, so thanks for this topic.
We've all done stupid things and wished we never had. I've never used a slur or insulted anyone before, but I've made a lot of mistakes of my own.
It takes courage to admit you're wrong, so I commend you on that. Internalized homophobia is a powerful thing. I will say that even if you haven't bullied gays, your use of faggot as an insult does impact others and their attitudes. In turn, not using it will be really good for everyone.
