"I totally like gay people and there's nothing wrong with them"

It's really creepy when someone talks about how much they're pro gay. It makes me question whether they're scared of being found out as homophobes, plus there's the "friendly-fetishising" aspect of being super gay-friendly.

It's obvious they find something wrong/unusual/uncomfortable about non-heterosexuality when they attack you with supportive words.

(just wait until you tell some that it's creepy and you don't like it, then they often drop their support and hold you hostage over it)

 

Yeah, for sure. I get this all the time with being trans and it's like...okay. Am I supposed to give you a cookie or what?

Don't get me wrong. I'm willing to answer the occasional question. But I'd rather hear "okay, cool" instead of "oh wow trans are so cool I accept you for your choices I think they're sexy and that is literally the most interesting thing about you"

 

On the surface it's almost like there's a "but" at the end of that typical sentence...

However I wonder if some of those who need to be really explicit about their acceptance are people who weren't so open-minded a while back and need to distance themselves from a previous attitude and not-so-nice comments.

And don't discount the "I think they're really cool and I admire your courage to be out and i wish I wasn't such as wuss and could come out myself"...

 

It depends on the context. If they say it when other people are making homophobic comments, then I think it's fine, but if I mention that I'm queer, and then they say it, I'm not really sure how to feel. It kind of feels like they are saying "Don't worry, I still judge you as fit". But I'm probably reading too much in to it. It's a lot better than telling me I'm going to go to hell or something, so it's still nice enough when a straight person says it, even if they might just be trying to look good. I think that if they really thought there was nothing wrong, they might choose different words.

 

The problem is that we would like for it to be no big deal, but for others, it's still a polarizing issue that somehow mandates a strong opinion.

I generally like LGBT and would like to see their advancement for obvious reasons but were I totally straight and had no gay friends/ other interest in it, I'd probably not go out of my way to seem like an ally.

 

One guy that asked me out, this is the convo~
"So.... You wanna' go somewhere else, baby? Or maybe I can have your number?"
"Sorry, I'm not interested. It was nice talking to you, though."
"What, you a fag or somethin'?"
"Or something."
"Oh. Well. I'm totally cool with that. My buddy's girl is a lezbo and they... Well...."

He went on to imply many things and I walked away.

Another time, similar beginning, but this guy's response was "Oh, okay. Do you want to talk? I know I could use a friend."

Respect for another person's life goes a long way. That first guy got arrested for assult last year, the second one ended up being my friend for six years.

 

And that's like most of society. There's no need for them to go out of their way for LGBT. If they do, people will think that they're secretly gay or something. There's almost no incentive for them. Even some LGBT people aren't big on the activism part. It sucks, since society has made this such a taboo subject.

 

I think it says more about society that people feel it's necessary to declare their support for gay people. Not being homophobic should be the default position but I wouldn't say it is yet, so I don't see why it's a bad thing to be reassured that someone's not homophobic.

I suppose when you come out to a stranger it might be a bit weird to hear, but I've barely done any of that so I couldn't say. Certainly coming out to friends it was nice to hear that it wasn't a problem, though I probably forced them into saying it by crying so much, ha.

 

adding to the first paragraph, people might say those things because they imagine how hard it is and they want their words to be soothing and make the one they speak to feel happier.
I don't see anything wrong with it, there is nothing hypocrate about it, and different people express their support in different way, some might not even mention it.

 

Depends on context but yeah the fetishizing or infantilizing/downplaying of the issue gets to me a lot, like we arent objects you get to tag onto your life that center around your interests.

 

Being gay or trans should simply be a non issue...

Yes I know. Magical christmasland. A girl can dream though.

 

I chalk it up to "I really don't know what the appropriate response is but I love you and it's fine." At least for the incredibly small number of people who I've come out to. I've found that I can tell when people are trying to be loving and accepting versus those who really don't mean it but are trying to say something appropriate.

Trust me.



Actions speak louder than words, IMHO.

 

When I'm uncertain of how the person feels about homosexuality, it's good to hear that they accept me, though I don't like it when it's like " I support you 100%, behind you all the way, go you!" And then continues to show support by wearing rainbow things when they haven't done so in the first place. Tone it down, you don't need to get dressed up to look the part.

 

Maybe you guys are a little too sensitive and over defensive. We need to realize that being gay, transgender, bisexual etc is... well..... unusual

If we take these "compliments" like a natural thing and act like we don't even notice them that much, maybe they will stop being "too supportive"

After all it's better to have supportive people by our sides and so what if their words don't come out so honest, you know what they say: fake it until you make it

 

I frigging hate it. It's like:

Cishet: Look at me, I'm God's gift for being so accepting of LGBT people.

Me: What do you want, a coconut?

 

The few people I'm out to have mostly been really surprised (I thought it was really obvious but apparently it's not) and then they've been cool with it. My parents have plenty of gay friends and they just treat them like all their other friends, they don't make a show of being accepting, which is cool. When I told my mum she did a bit of the show-thing but I think mostly she was just surprised because it kinda slipped out.
So I don't have much experience with the "oh thats great, such ally, much accept!" side of it, but I totally get why it's annoying.

 

One of the times I came out I literally had the response of "Okay." It was great, and I completely understand how this response would be annoying

 

When I was at the park earlier, a mom of a little kid who decided I was his playmate for the day asked me if I was gay. I said yes, quietly, fearing she was one of the people in my area who had been murdering gay people lately. She shrugged, said "okay" and proceeded to tell me all about her sister's girlfriend. Probably the most accepted I've ever felt.

 

At least they're trying to say something positive even if they don't understand it. Could be worse, they could tell you it's wrong and that you should find someone of the opposite gender to date. Maybe I'm just used to hearing negative things about lgbt people. This kind of reaction would bother me a lot less than homophobic comments.