So recently, when I first told my sister I didn't think I was straight she was really supportive and happy to talk about it with me which was great as I was pretty confused. But during our discussion, one of her concerns for me was that LGBT communities can get a bit incestuous (for lack of a better term). Basically she was saying that because they are much smaller than the straight communities in general, everyone has dated/slept with everyone. This was just in a "don't forget to consider/be aware of this possibility" kind of way, not a "gay communities are bad" kind of way lol. I know this wouldn't be unique to an LGBT community and I know plenty of groups of non-LGBT friends who've been through this, but I guess I was wondering if anyone has found this? Whether it really is more prevalent in LGBT communities than straight ones, or about the same? What do you think about it?
It's an exaggeration but you can see where it comes from. Thing is, for the most part that could ONLY happen if everyone in the group decided they didn't give a monkeys what anybody else was like, and just decided "Same orientation, sure I'll fuck 'em", and that just isn't realistic. Don't get me wrong, there will be some groups were it happens but to suggest it's 'the norm' seems pretty absurd to me. Not to mention it also relies on the idea that there are basically no LGBT people around and that everyone is desperate which is also ludicrous!
I see what you mean. It's nice to know it's not that common! I know I've seen it myself in that one of my university friends had slept with literally every other gay guy I myself knew within 50 miles, so that didn't help!! And I think she'd seen in happen with most of the lesbians she knows. I'm not talking all in the same week, just a lot of people having history with each other. But I think the problem round here is it's a bit out in the sticks so it's harder to meet new people, and then school and university communities are more like that, do you think? The world outside that should be better!!
Well, it's definitely harder to meet people out in the sticks (trust me, try living in the middle of the fenland!) and that can cause people to be slightly more open to lowering their standards or what have you, but it still doesn't mean everyone is going to be open to a relationship with ANYBODY just because they are LGBT! Not to mention that realistically the whole thing misses the point about these communities in the first place. Just forget LGBT groups for a minute, and think about something else. Think of going to the pub. SO lets say a straight guy goes to the pub every wednesday. He's going to a place were there are people who share some interests. He's going to talk to these guys in the pub and make some friends. Now the important part here is that he isn't going to JUST be friends with the people in the pub. That's just his jumping off point. He may meet a guy in the pub who invites him to a party, and another who invites him to a sport event, he might meet another who invites him to join his 5-a-side-sumo team! Point is he is going there to meet some people and make friends. Then in theory those friends meet with other friends outside the original group and suddenly the guy is introduced to more people. Not every LGBT person is going to want to go to an LGBT group. I, for example, won't go to the local 'trans' group (if you can call it that) because it is primarily aimed at male to female cross-dressers. Technically I could go but I don't feel I would fit in with a bunch of older women whose only real connection to me is a similar gender situation. In much the same way, many people won't go to LGBT groups because they want to make friends on the basis of shared interest, not shared sexuality. So try seeing the LGBT group as a starting point to meet new groups of friends, and you shouldn't have that problem!
It's a little like that with our LGBT society, well at least it was, doesn't happen quite so much now.
The funny thing is I remember that this situation was also brought up in an early episode of the L word, and I'm not going to lie; It pissed me off. It makes sense to think that since we're a minority so we just go for everyone in our group....but It's just not completely true. I know several LGBT people and there's no sexual link between any of us, nor will there ever be.
I don't think the L word is unique there. That's just TV, particularly soaps (which pisses me off slightly too, but it's just for the drama value). I wasn't talking about LGBT groups as much as just the local gay/bi/other people who happen to live in the area and know each other. But I'm glad there are plenty of LGBT friendships out there that aren't like that. As I said, a fair few of the LGBT people I know are kind of like that (And they didn't meet through any group either!!), so it made me wonder how common it was. I'm glad it's not!!
I've only known one person in my LGBT community who has done this and frankly, I'm surprised that there hasn't been more. Our community here is so small that finding someone who hasn't dated another is kind of rare. Personally, I've been single for 3 years now. It's either that or online dating.
I had a friend in college that knew everyone in the gay clubs because most of them were his exes. One half of the guys he was kissing; the other half he was avoiding. The reason we are still friends is that we never slept together.
I hate to say it but there are gay communities that are like that--and sometimes not even the really small ones. I spent my misguided second youth in the club scene of a major city and we all knew each other. It wasn't exactly the case that we had all slept with every one but you could pick a random person and we wouldn't have necessarily slept with him but we knew someone who had and we had all the details. But that's not really the community it's sort of individual scenes within the community. I mean let's be honest we hadn't slept with all the gay guys in Chicago (although it sometimes felt like we had)--we didn't even know most of the gay guys in Chicago. I guess what I am saying is the thing you're talking about is a thing, but it certainly isn't something you need to worry about.
Kinda off-topic question that I've had for a while because I am too anxious and think too much; what do you do at gay/LGBT+/GSA clubs? Like mainly on college campuses or in the community, what kind of activities are there? I really am just not sure and the lack of knowing makes it hard for me to make the mental jump into finding and joining one in my city.
