Treated differently?

Some straight guys have an odd protective feeling over queers. It's endearing in a way, but stifling in another. The eternal "older brother" attitude can make you feel worse, as if you actually did need the protection. My friend (whom I no longer speak to for unrelated reasons) used to be really protective after I came out to him.

It becomes patronising after a point. Some people, and it's common in straight men, sometimes feel that they have a duty to protect, regardless of the actual situation of the person they're protecting. It might be because they've absorbed the idea of gay men being weak, or perhaps they sense legitimate dangers and have a constant wish to prevent anything happening. It's hard to pin-point the difference between being kind and helpful and being patronising in this case.

If you don't think it's your personality, it's probably not. You could ask them, but I've got a feeling that they don't even consciously know what they're doing if they haven't told you that they want to.

There's always the possibility it's something else, though. If you've appeared insecure or subdued lately, they could be worried about you.

 

Well. I am not completely out, but I have always been treated that way by most everyone. I was a preemie originally, and my parents have always babied me in a way. I have and always will be a "momma's boy". I have always worked hard and sports but never was good at anything but baseball, but that was when I was like 12. I didn't get much stronger throughout high school like a lot of other guys and rode the bench for high school baseball.

 

People treat me like that. They treatme like i am quite fragile and cute so like they protect me and help me with things~ that is the select few who care though.

 

I treated similar way most of the time. Even once one of my military friends told me "I fire that strange need in people to protect me".

In reality I am very bulky guy, tall and wide. Stronger and most of the time smarter. People come to me for advice. Still they think I need protection or fragile somehow.

Believe it or not but only reasonable explanation to this came from my natal (birth) chart. Some mumbo jumbo on planet angles cause people to see me that way. (Yeah I believe in Astrology)

 

It's always possible that it isn't you. It might be them. I think a lot of people you wouldn't think would be are actually very nurturing. I don't think I am someone you would necessarily think that about, if say you saw me on the street--I'm pretty masculine (people don't think I'm gay outside gay situations or actually knowing me), I'm a big guy and somewhat imposing. But I totally run around taking care of everyone--it's just who I am and what makes me happy (my struggle, one in which I feel I've made a lot of progress, is to let people take care of me). Back in the day I was in retail management and had several employees (mainly straight guys) refer to my management style as "maternal"--it was always used as a compliment. One little straight guy said I had sort of a mama grizzly vibe--you had to do your work and you had to do it well, but if you did I would always take care of you. I think particularly straight guys have very few occasions to express themselves in that nurturing way--sometimes it feels like straight guys don't get to have a lot of really close relationships. It may be that something about you makes people feel like they can comfortably express that part of themselves. It may be less that they feel like you need it but rather that they feel like you will allow them to be that way without giving them grief.

 

I've experienced it as well. It's so strange.

Even as far back as in 7th grade, I was friends with this guy who told me "if you ever get in trouble, tell me and I'll beat the shit out of them for you". And this was before anyone knew I was gay. So I don't know if it's related to sexuality, or whether it just has something to do with my personality.

I still experience it sometimes for no reason. I've never experienced hardcore bullying or anything, so I don't get it. And I don't particularly like it either.

 

I'm not out but I get/got bullied a lot (I have NO idea why) and I don't know if it's something about the way I act, or if it's because I'm 5 foot 1 and have big blue eyes, but people just get protective of me.
Once, a kid was pissing me off by hitting me with a newspaper and I was annoyed but I didn't care that much, but my friend Willow (rarely cries, she's one of those people who laughs things off or just gets up and hits someone) left the room and she was crying because she hated seeing me being bullied. I have no idea why she did that! But it was very sweet
And once I missed a day of school because my mum had to call the police over some things boys were saying on the bus to me, and I missed school the next day. I got loads of facebook messages asking where I was and if I was okay. I didn't even know those people cared about me that much more people asked about me when I was back in school.

So yeah. A lot of your typical teenage boys don't like me, but everyone else seems to want to protect me.

 

Not out to anyone, but people still baby me around because I'm not a strong guy lol. My older brother especially babies me around. He does all the heavy lifting haha.

I'm the youngest of six kids so being babied is inevitable, whether I like it or not...

 

well that's a good thing, I wish I was treated like that more often