1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Having a "Type" is Keeping You Single

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by thevenerable, Jun 16, 2014.

  1. thevenerable

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jun 3, 2014
    Messages:
    76
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Southeast Asia - yeah it's not just South and East
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    All but family
    "Having a 'Type' is Keeping You Single" is written by Darren Hayes

    Here is the link to the article: Attitude Magazine Darren Hayes: 'Having a "type" is keeping you single' ยป Attitude Magazine

    It is a very interesting article and a "must-read" for gay guys out there who can't seem to find their "the one".

    I have this ridiculous fantasy about taller and lighter-skinned guys when I was still in high school---and that was before I met my boyfriend in college. He's not that tall (but he's like an inch taller than me) and his skin is darker than mine but I just really like him and I don't know why.

    We met at a class, "Mathematical Analysis Involved in Engineering", and we became really good friends. He asked me out and we eventually got to know each other. And as I have said, he's now my boyfriend.

    As an Asian guy who is from a country that has still non-existent gay rights, I always wanted to have a "Western" partner. But as time goes by, I realized that love does move in mysterious ways.

    I AM NOT A STICKY RICE. Who the hell invented these labels anyway?? If an Asian is dating an Asian guy, he's labeled as sticky rice :dry: And if an Asian is dating a White guy, he's labeled as potato queen! :dry: What the hell happened to our society where the concept of "love" is now connected to the concept of "race"? Is our gay community still a "community"??

    Even though my boyfriend is Asian, it doesn't mean that I don't find Caucasian/African American/Hispanic guys attractive. ALL IS KNOW IS I'M ATTRACTED TO HUMANS. :thumbsup:
     
  2. Tightrope

    Full Member

    Joined:
    May 31, 2013
    Messages:
    5,415
    Likes Received:
    387
    Location:
    USA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    I'm sorry, I didn't read the article. Having a "type" can indeed keep people single. For that matter, there are lots and lots of women out there with a checklist for more than just looks who stay single for the long-haul, but that only applies here in a roundabout way. Listening to them talk about what they are looking for in a guy makes for a good eye roll, looking at the heavens, or a deep breath.

    There are also several "types." There's the "type" you rubberneck for because they exude the looks and sexual magnetism you really like. Then there's the REALISTIC "type," meaning someone who is probably a lot more on your level, in looks, mindset, similar enough age, and stuff like that who is better suited for you. That's probably who a person should be with, if you find them, or want to spend the time to find them. Then, from what I've seen, is that this matched set gets together, they still long for that "type," and keep the door in the situation a little open so they could each indulge in the preferred "type" if and when the opportunity presents itself. This is a tricky area. I've seen it in action. I don't know what to think of this. I've also seen where these relationships become more open and open that they dissolve.
     
  3. silk

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Dec 9, 2012
    Messages:
    51
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Belgium, Flemish part
    Gender:
    Male
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    haven't read it, but just putting it here: I have a type, but I still like other guys :grin: I would say I fond 80% of the guys attractive, and the other ones can win my heart just by being awesome and so on (cause if someone fits you, I think you'll fall in love with them automatically and start to find them beautiful)
     
  4. mangotree

    Full Member

    Joined:
    May 4, 2014
    Messages:
    1,322
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Queensland, Australia
    Bit of an eye opener that one...
    I know quite a few guys that find it exteremly easy to get a boyfriend, and I think it's for this exact reason. They either don't have or stick to a specific type or their type is very very broad. They seem to be pretty happy as well for the most part.
    That said, I've been in relationships with guys that didn't fit my "narrow type", and although they were enjoyable - I constantly found it difficult to get 'turned on' by them. I loved everything else about them, but we suffered in the bedroom because of my inability to lust for them. They felt the spark, but I didn't.

    So I do agree with the artical - my type IS keeping me single, but maybe that's a good thing.
     
  5. OGS

    OGS
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Feb 1, 2014
    Messages:
    2,716
    Likes Received:
    728
    Location:
    Chicago, IL
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I think you have to wait for the spark--I've tried relationships where the spark wasn't quite there and it always comes out as a problem in the end.

    The thing I will say is that you need to get to know a lot of people and be open to the fact that you might find that spark where you wouldn't expect it. A lot of my friends with long term partners comment that before they met their partner they wouldn't have thought he was their type. This is the case for me as well--we're in our 16th year and it's awesome. I think what happens is you build a list of what you want--a lot of times that list is pretty firmly in place before you have really gotten much of anything, so it's not really based on experience or even on yourself. You get it from movies and magazines and what your friends want and who they cast in porn and what you think you're supposed to want. And you go out and you find those guys--and their boring or self-absorbed (I mean after all they're on everyone else's list too) or you just don't click. And then one day you meet this guy--and he's not Hercules, Hugh Jackman, Oscar Wilde or whatever it is you think you're looking for--in fact he's just a regular ordinary guy and it sparks and you realize that this was the thing your life had always been missing but you didn't know. And how could you really? How could you really know what your heart wanted until you found it...

    Don't compromise or settle... but don't walk past the love of your life because he doesn't check off all the boxes just yet--he may be the one who helps you build a new list.
     
  6. asdfghjk

    asdfghjk Guest

    u always get with the ppl u least expect

    *sits alone in a desert watching tumbleweeds* waiting for female hercules..................
     
  7. Tightrope

    Full Member

    Joined:
    May 31, 2013
    Messages:
    5,415
    Likes Received:
    387
    Location:
    USA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Totally understandable.

    ---------- Post added 16th Jun 2014 at 05:02 PM ----------

    It's common.
     
  8. Argentwing

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 13, 2012
    Messages:
    6,696
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    New England
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Well of course it is, but "any relationship" is not the goal. Anyone could fling a water balloon in Times Square and reasonably expect to hit somebody.

    The trick is to get into a relationship which fulfills you in every capacity. It's better to know and pursue your ideal type than to go for anybody who will have you. Who would argue otherwise?
     
  9. asdfghjk

    asdfghjk Guest

    i will have you know that crying on every date because of self-esteem issues is mroe likely to keep me single than having a "type *crosses arms* HMPH take that :wow:
     
  10. Foxface

    Full Member

    Joined:
    May 2, 2013
    Messages:
    1,716
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Urbana, IL
    precisely...and that's the danger I was in. I finally found the one for me and I fortunately never had to settle.