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Going to a small school and having no friends

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by sonicintricacy, Jun 16, 2014.

  1. Hey all,

    I just want to preface before y'all read this; this post may sound generic but I'm struggling out here, ya know? I just need some people to talk to. My phone contacts contains no one I feel truly comfortable talking to except for my mama. So, I go to a relatively small school. There's only like 500 kids in total, and the school holds grades 7-12. I'm finishing my junior year this week and it hasn't been the best year. I haven't really enjoyed being a teenager. In fact, I've hated it. I really want to make my senior year a year of major improvement. I'm just pissed as of now. There's only a few other gay guys in my class, all of them being kids I don't feel very comfortable around. I barely have any friends. There's a lot of cliques and people always gravitate towards the group of kids they seem to be most suitable with. There are the jocks who wear the Nike socks with the squares and shorts/t-shirts, the honors level girls who talk about their cats rolling over on them at night, the preppy girls who dress in provocative clothes on weekends and spray-tan before every prom, and the group of 4 who sit and display their Internet-influenced personalities. I always gravitate towards the group of 4. This one girl named Meaghan has been a close friend of mine since freshman year. She has been suffering severe depression and it is such a shame to see her going through her pain. It sometimes seems we've nothing to talk about. I wish I could help her be more positive. The problem is, she seems stuck in her unhappiness and sometimes it rubs off on me.

    All of this sounds so stereotypical but honestly, I KNOW I'm not a misfit. I'm not less fortunate in terms of socioeconomic background and/or physical appearance. I have a great personality. I'm lazy and don't work out but I plan to this summer. I'm one of those ectomorphs who tends to be really shy at times. People in the other groups do talk to me and claim to enjoy my sense of humor but none of them allow me to be an actual part of their groups. They just sorta laugh with me or fake chat with me once in a while. I like that in my small school, it is easy to know a lot of people. The problem is that none of these people I know of seem to truly care about my existence. I have called myself a more "artsy" type of kid, but I'm not one of those really outlandish artsy kids that people shy away from because they don't understand them (and hey, if that's you, you do you. I don't have a problem with that). I just like to be a blend of commonplace and unique. I've never been into sports. I've always had this distaste for all things overtly masculine or macho. I'm not a super feminine guy. I like to think I'm a nice in-between.

    I've talked to my mother about feeling extremely lonely. She tells me that she understands how I feel and that once I get to college, I'll meet a bunch of like-minded people. She tries to cheer me up and assure me that eventually, my life will pan out and be more satisfactory. We have an extremely close relationship and we have always been "like this" (imagine me making that finger hug). She tells me that I will always have her even if I have nobody else. That means the world to me and I would never ask for a better support system. I just hate feeling so alone. I've never really had an epic friendship with someone my own age. All of my childhood friendships were dysfunctional and ended in turmoil. There is this absolutely gorgeous straight kid who is a sophomore that I have had a crush on since he came to my school at the beginning of this year. He's one of those football players who listens to Rick Ross and has a pretty cheerleader girlfriend. I'm just not that type of guy. I know the drill when it comes to straight guys - you just have to let 'em go. However, his immaculate beauty and sensational personality do not make my loneliness any better :tears:. All I can think about when I see him is that there will not be another guy who possesses me like he does. It's a thing of infatuation. I never thought I'd have my eye on a younger dude. I'm always looking at older guys. :bad grin:

    So, that's basically where I am at right now. No one is enjoyable to text. I just want that one friend who isn't severely depressed and is more like me. My heart aches for a dude who tweets about sports games with disapproval for where Manziel ended up :eusa_doh:. I am gonna be a senior and have to do all this stuff for college this summer. I'm feeling rather shitty. :icon_sad:

    Can y'all relate?
     
    #1 sonicintricacy, Jun 16, 2014
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 16, 2014
  2. Water lover

    Water lover Guest

    Hey I know exectly what your feeling I go to an even smaller school than you and it sucks right now. I can't even really relate to anything happening at my school at all. I can't stand almost everyone at my school because they are so homophobic. I am not out but in some ways I feel like at my school this is a bad thing. I am constantly being mad fun of I am tired of getting beat up in the locker room because I said a pot head could go to hell after he pushed me over to see what would happen. In regards to that straight guy well my crush is on the only person in my entire school that I like we are best friends but I can't stand the fact that I am practically in love with the guy yet I can't tell him or show the slightest hint. I feel exactly like you in almost every way when it comes to the amount of friends and how you would describe your masculinity. All I have to say is hang in there do good in school and kick all the kids ass's when it comes into getting into college and getting scholarships. I guess I take my loneliness out on acidemic's. Well I wan't you to know that you are not alone and one day you will find someone exactly like you wanted. It might not be this year but just know that it will be and with uni coming up soon it should be soon.
     
  3. Hey! I'm so sorry to hear about what you are going through. I didn't really mention that as much as I feel isolated from the kids at my school, no one is really homophobic or douchey. I'm out to a lot of people regardless of whether or not they care. That's a long story that dates back to my experiences in eighth grade, but I digress.

    ANYWAY, dude, it really bothers me that in this day and age, with all of this media frenzy about the rapid change of popular opinion on the gay community, that kids like you are dealing with homophobia. Please know that there is everything to be proud of when it comes to being gay. I really appreciate your support. I can say the same thing to you that you said to me. One day, you will encounter the people that you truly belong with and all of those losers who are making fun of you will not matter at all. The catch is that it sucks waiting for that day to come.

    As for the straight boys, omfg... It is an unmatched pain. I try to tell myself that it's as if he is married and I'm a straight girl who longs for him but knows she can't have him because he's got a ring on his finger.
     
    #3 sonicintricacy, Jun 16, 2014
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 16, 2014
  4. Water lover

    Water lover Guest

    Well yea thankfully I not have to deal with the homophobia just yet because pretty much no one know I am gay (though line to walk with lies and trickery but he it gives me something to do. As for the straight guy imagine that ebony your best friend which you see half the dy and plays lax, wrestling. And football omfg he is so gourguos but he is my best friend and at this point in time nothing is more important than friend so it sucks to suck my life at this point in time. (Yea I know run on sentence but I moved to typing on my phone so get over it) :slight_smile: :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:
     
  5. Ohh I see you said you were not out. My bad. Still, that's crappy what those kids are doing.

    Football players can be very pretty!