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Are femme / lipstick lesbians less respected as lesbians ?

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by stocking, Jun 17, 2014.

  1. stocking

    stocking Guest

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    Now that I'm semi out as a lesbian I have noticed that femmes or lipstick lesbians aren't seen as real lesbians . From people in your own community assuming your straight , to men harassing you and not taking no for answer . What has been other femme /lipstick lesbians experiences or any other lesbian for that matter with this even if your not femme or lipstick ?
    so are we taken less seriously than stereotypical lesbians ?
     
  2. Nychthemeron

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    Not femme, lipstick, or even lesbian, but here's my two cents.

    On your previous thread, I mentioned misogyny. This still holds true. Since femme/lipstick lesbians are considered "not masculine," they experience more prejudice, especially from men. This is also evident in feminine trans men, or trans women in general.

    Here's some bullshit statements that were made to me:

    "If you want to be a man, you need to learn how to put women in their place."
    "Why do you want to be a man if you still like boys?"
    "Act more like a boy."

    It was both disgusting and degrading.

    But this isn't a sexism thread. Sorry. Just thought it played a big role in the mistreatment of gay women. I hope I don't cause an uprising by posting this.
     
  3. Fallingdown7

    Fallingdown7 Guest

    It's because some men find them attractive, so in their pea-brained minds they think that means "has to like men".

    They don't care as much if butch women are lesbians because they're not attracted to butches.
     
  4. Techno Kid

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    I would agree completely with this and it if very sad that it is everywhere in both the queer and straight communities. :frowning2:

    Well since I'm not on HRT yet I still appear male so I don't have to deal with this yet, but as a pretty femme girl who like girls I'm sure I will have to deal with this when I pass.
     
  5. stocking

    stocking Guest

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    To me it comes off as Well all the pretty and attractive women belong to men so they have to be attracted to men if their not they should be ugly
     
  6. Techno Kid

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    Yup :bang:
     
  7. Fallingdown7

    Fallingdown7 Guest

    I prefer keeping a more "butch" appearance because I don't want men anywhere near me
     
  8. BelleFromHell

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    Yes, we are taken less seriously. I echo what everyone above be said about sexism.

    I'm a tomboy femme and I don't like being a lesbian at all. There are a lot of reasons, but this is a big one. :frowning2:
     
  9. Wuggums47

    Wuggums47 Guest

    I think it's all about sexism. Femininity is seen as less than masculinity.
     
  10. Jay47

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    Right. It makes me uncomfortable to be sexualized. I wear what I wear, but I hate feeling the pressure to be more femme.
     
  11. GeekMonkey

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    Yeah I've definitely noticed that. Usually they assume you just haven't " found the right man" yet, or that you're just curious and it's but a phase, yadda yadda yadda.

    Not gonna change how I dress though, the world will have to get used to it.
     
  12. stocking

    stocking Guest

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    I hear that I'm not changing how I dress either their gonna have to get over it .
     
  13. YuriBunny

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    YES. Totally.
     
  14. itsonlyrelative

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    I think that within the LGBT community that lipstick/femme lesbians are treated as a rare breed mainly because they are harder to be identified, but I don't think they are discounted as a lesbian, so much as I think people assume that they are going to go out and date a butch girl. Most people don't really think that femme girls will date femme girls cause everyone is obsessed with trying to figure out who the more masculine one in the relationship is (which is annoying). Femme girls may also have a harder time getting people to realize they are a lesbian.

    Outside of the LGBT community, I agree that heterosexual males often times give femme lesbians a harder time accepting the fact that they are lesbians so that the dude will back off.
     
  15. stocking

    stocking Guest

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    I have been once treated coldly by other gay people because they assume I was straight but I don't think this happens a lot but i have experienced it
     
  16. Fallingdown7

    Fallingdown7 Guest

    I think the butch/femme dynamic is too heteronormative, and it makes me sad that so many people pick that as the norm :icon_sad:

    I have no judgement toward femmes who like butches and the reverse, but I hate how It's picked out in every relationship.
     
  17. Sarah2695

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    I have experienced the exact same adversity. It is also frustrated because I am often ignored by other lesbians because I look like a straight girl and they don't want to waste their time.
     
  18. itsonlyrelative

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    I totally agree, I wish that people would see that there are so many more possible dynamics to lesbian relationships
     
  19. stocking

    stocking Guest

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    Yes they won't approach you at all I know what you mean I have gotten this , One time I went to talk to other lesbians they were some what butch and as soon as I came in to chat they disburse it was weird how they did it so fast . It was like a school of fish swimming from a shark

    ---------- Post added 17th Jun 2014 at 02:45 PM ----------

    Omg I swear there was in a video on youtube with butches telling femmes to stop dating other femmes and their suppose to be with butch women only if I find it i'll post it in here
     
  20. Lipstick Leuger

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    Yes. I have had both gay men and lesbians question if I were actually gay or assume I am not. I have also had straight men hit on me. I am always gracious, unless they don't go away or annoy me with thinking they can turn me straight. It is because we are what is traditionally considered feminine, so therefore it must be for male gaze. It could not possibly be for the gaze of another woman, I mean, why would we 'waste' our feminine charms on a woman, or a woman who looks like a man(which many seem to think Butches do). Within the community itself, I know many Femmes get crap from Lesbians because they have a Butch partner, and so they think we are reenacting straight couples. So, we are ashamed of our gayness. This all started with the Feminist movement and the thought that Butches were actually attempting to copy males and so they were actually holding us poor, helpless, subservient Femmes down in the Patriarchy. This, is crap of course,(Has anyone actually met a subservient Femme?) and I actually rue the day we lesbians allowed Feminists to dictate our relationships. Lipsticks at least are not the focus of this type of harassment by the community, as their partners are girly as they are, although they also suffer as we do for looking feminine.