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Coming out as bi instead of gay

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by Batman, Jun 18, 2014.

  1. Batman

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    How often does this strategy actually work out for people? Like, I understand the reasoning behind it, but i just kinda feel like that's coming out as a parsnip instead of a carrot?

    How differently do people react to bisexuality vs homosexuality?


    I'm sorry, I dont even think this post belongs here.
    it's just kind of a thing that grinds my gears.
     
  2. Fallingdown7

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    I came out as bi at first. But it wasn't because of it being a stepping stone, I legit thought I was attracted to guys at the time.

    Personally, I feel like if you are gay, coming out as bisexual just gives your parents false hope that you can end up dating the opposite sex one day, which isn't what you want in the long run. They're going to focus on the straight side of you.

    And if you're a guy, it wouldn't matter since you'll still be considered gay; male bisexuality is seen as non-existant to some people.

    I'm not a huge fan of this because bisexuals are discriminated against worse than gay people are sometimes, so it makes actual bisexuals look 'fake', 'indecisive', 'just a phase' when gay people use it as a stepping stone.
     
  3. Hexagon

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    No, it really doesn't work. Either people assume you're gay, or use it to remain in a kind of denial. And it makes life for actual bisexuals ever harder.
     
  4. DangerAlex

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    When I came out as bisexual (put it on Facebook with a pic of my boyfriend and me, that's the extent of my "coming out"), people were still really shocked. I was expecting it to be less shock than if I was coming out as fully gay, but I'm not sure that was the case. And to be clear, I feel I truly am bisexual, I'm not just using it as a stepping stone. I'm probably more on the straight side of bi as I've only been legitimately attracted to one guy, and I'm still dating him.
     
  5. Aussie792

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    It's a terrible idea, but it's part of a bargaining process; by acknowledging attraction to the same gender, people often pretend they can turn to the opposite gender when the time comes. It's internalised homophobia; being bi (therefore able to end up with the opposite sex) is a little more "normal" to them.

    Nobody should use it as a stepping stone, but it's easy to understand why some gay people do it. That's not to say it's immoral to genuinely think you're bi, then come to a later realisation that you're gay.
     
  6. jargon

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    I think most people do it more to convince themselves that they still have a chance at a "normal" opposite-sex relationship, rather than to avoid stigma.
     
  7. stocking

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    Even though I came out as bi in the past I think it's not a good thing to do and pretty useless . I think coming out as questioning is much better . because it makes the stereotype of bi now and gay later look true and also makes the bisexuality not look real I'm your gay and come out bi .

    But what I find fascinating is people will demonized gays and lesbians who came out as bisexual but when it's the other way around when bisexual people use the label gay or lesbian to avoid stigma and a gay person or lesbian person speaks out about it their called judgmental , label police and told anyone can label themselves any way they want .
    So if anyone can label themselves any way they want or thing they want under the sun then why is coming out as bi when your gay to avoid stigma seen as wrong and why are gays and lesbians who do this demonized I mean wouldn't the same thing apply here ?:confused: if we're saying anyone call call themselves what they want then this shouldn't be an issue and if someone gay wants to come out bi at first to avoid stigma they should be left alone .even if I don't agree with people and think they should use questioning too .
     
    #7 stocking, Jun 18, 2014
    Last edited: Jun 18, 2014
  8. edy

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    For me it's totally pointless to do so, it's not very honest if you ask me

    It make people believe that bisexuality is not a real sexual orientation :rolle:
     
  9. mangotree

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    Early on, everyone I told that I was bisexual knew I was confused / in denial / internally homophobic (except for myself).
    I got there eventually though.
    If I knew what I know now, I definitely would have saved myself a lot of hassel and come out as gay.
     
  10. AwesomGaytheist

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    I came out as bi first because I thought I was bi. It wasn't until about a year ago that I actually realized that I'm as gay as a rainbow.
     
  11. QueerTransEnby

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    This thread makes me feel depressed as once again it feels like we are being marginalized by our own general culture.
     
  12. Steam Mecha

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    I feel the same way... :confused: I've already had to deal with the "Bi now Gay Later" Bullshit.
     
    #12 Steam Mecha, Jun 18, 2014
    Last edited: Jun 18, 2014
  13. QueerTransEnby

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    I just don't really need this doubt just before coming out to my parents. I know who I am attracted towards. If a man has a boyfriend, he is automatically gay, even though he may have a relationship down the line with a woman. He may prefer a male, but that doesn't mean he can't be physically and romantically attracted to a female.
     
  14. stocking

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    I view this as being bisexual but I think people get intimated by men who are bisexual so they say they don't exist to sleep tight at night in their lies
     
  15. PatrickUK

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    I think it's really important to acknowledge that some people, including a great many on this forum genuinely are bisexual. It's not a phase, it's not confusion, it's not internalised homophobia on their part or a case of being stuck at the bargaining stage and they're not just 'keeping their options open' - they are past all of that and they know for sure that they are bisexual.

    It is true that many gay people (myself included) go through a stage where we label ourselves as bisexual, for whatever reason. It usually is at the bargaining stage, often in response to societal pressure and we eventually move beyond it to accept our true orientation as gay. In no way does that deny or devalue the reality of bisexual orientation - which is, of course, very real and genuine.

    I'm not saying this in response to anyone, but I felt it was an important point to make.
     
  16. Spatula

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    Personally I can't help but think that most people that come out as bi before coming out as gay actually thought they were bi at the time. Maybe they genuinely were and it changed, in some cases. Sexuality can age like a fine wine for some--enough to change what body parts or types they focus more on with age, and that can flip the gender sign more to one side if it was in the middle earlier.

    Or maybe their attractions are something like 75/25 and while they can have sex with the opposite sex and enjoy it, part of their brain still feels like they're settling when they try to hold down a relationship. Their desire to keep their options open conflicts with the feeling that saying they're bi is like a homework assignment, and they feel like they're over-stretching having to constantly put feelers out there for the opposite sex when that really isn't their interest.

    The ones who are totally 100% kinsey 6 and using the label as a shield exist of course. But I have doubts about these people ever holding the term for longer than several months.
     
  17. Wuggums47

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    I kind of wish people wouldn't do that, considering it delegitimizes bisexuality as an identity. People assume that your going to come out as gay later. I think that most of the people who do it probably don't mean anything by it, odds are they thought they where bisexual. But I think that the reason for this is because they where trying to cling on to some heterosexuality, because society says being gay is bad. So they tell themselves and others that they are just part gay. This is why people should wait until they are 100% of their orientation to come out, otherwise they might have to do it again.
     
  18. leer

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    it did cross my mind when I was 14 Could be bi but seriously I felt nothing it didnt excite me in anyway even had a girlfriend she dumped me after 2 weeks quite relived. I can understand why people prefer to be Bisexual its a part of them .
     
  19. Batman

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    :lol:
     
  20. stocking

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    This is true and I agree with this but it can be the same results the other way around as well . maybe people should just stick to questioning until their 100% sure too many times many of us are in a hurry to label ourselves