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why is it ok for a bi person to come out as gay but not a gay person to come out bi?

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by stocking, Jun 24, 2014.

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  1. stocking

    stocking Guest

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    Lately I've been seeing a double standard , When a gay person comes out as bi to make it easier on themselves their demonized for it but when a bisexual person comes out as gay to make their life easier or they accept that their bi it's ok and people will tell them they can label themselves whatever they want , why doesn't the same thing be said for gay people that come out bi at first because they accept it or they are making their life easier .
    If labels are not important or just for cans why do people get upset over gays and lesbians coming out as bi ?
    by the way the way I don't think gay people should come out as bi either but it really bugs me that people have such a double standard and tell gays and lesbians they should be honest but give bisexual people a pass . I'm confused by this :confused:
     
    #1 stocking, Jun 24, 2014
  2. mangotree

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    Re: why is it ok for a bi person to come out as gay but not a gay person to come out

    I think I'm a bit confused about the question.
    Are you saying there's people out there that know they're gay but they tell everyone that they're bi? How do you know they're not really bi?
    For some people, being bi is a stepping stone towards coming to terms with being gay, but for others they're legitimately attracted to both. Both are fine.
    I've never come across someone who had come to terms with being gay but came out as bi.

    Sorry :frowning2:

    Peace! (*hug*)
     
    #2 mangotree, Jun 24, 2014
  3. stocking

    stocking Guest

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    Re: why is it ok for a bi person to come out as gay but not a gay person to come out

    Yes that's what I'm talking about and no I have never met anyone who came to terms and being gay and still came out as bi ethier and not talking about anyone like that .
    I'm talking about people who are not comfortable with being gay but come out as bi or use it as a stepping stone and I'm also talking about people who come out as bisexual but have no idea their gay even people who don't know their gay and come out bisexual also get demonized the same way as the ones who use bisexuality as a stepping stone . Hope this makes more sense .
     
    #3 stocking, Jun 24, 2014
  4. mangotree

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    Re: why is it ok for a bi person to come out as gay but not a gay person to come out

    ... kind of...
    I personally don't think I see a double standard between the social stigma towards ... 'uncomfortable bi', 'no idea bi', 'stepping stone bi', 'in denial bi' or 'legitimate bi' ... (sorry for the made up terminology).
    To all outward appearances, until proven otherwise - they're just bi.

    I think a fair number of gay, lesbian and straight people basically just don't understand how anyone can be attracted to both - and people fear what they don't understand.
     
    #4 mangotree, Jun 24, 2014
  5. stocking

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    Re: why is it ok for a bi person to come out as gay but not a gay person to come out

    I think so too and but I've also seen some bisexual people and even questioning people not get how anyone can be monosexual but that's a different story . I think because bisexuals have it hard because they have stigma they get a pass
     
    #5 stocking, Jun 24, 2014
  6. KenzLeBi

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    Re: why is it ok for a bi person to come out as gay but not a gay person to come out

    That is not the way it at my school,bi people are labeled as confused and not knowing what they really want. I suppose it is that way at my school, because they approve of when you have made your decision on being gay or straight. A bi person deciding that they are fully gay is okay because that means that they aren't stuck between the two. A gay person deciding that they are bi is considered taking a step back into the confusion stage.... I don't agree with it, as I am bi.... but that is how some people think.
     
    #6 KenzLeBi, Jun 24, 2014
  7. stocking

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    Re: why is it ok for a bi person to come out as gay but not a gay person to come out

    Mostly around some straight people I've gotten oh your boring if your a lesbian but cool if your bisexual woman but I have seen some people saying bisexuals are confused .
    I think either are good using bi as a stepping stone and using gay as a way to feel safe . but I don't see it as a bad thing , like the person is bad
     
    #7 stocking, Jun 24, 2014
  8. Fallingdown7

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    Re: why is it ok for a bi person to come out as gay but not a gay person to come out

    I don't get it either. I think gay people using the bi label as a stepping stone is hurtful to bi people since it implies that It's a phase or that they're just confused.
     
    #8 Fallingdown7, Jun 28, 2014
  9. Argentwing

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    Re: why is it ok for a bi person to come out as gay but not a gay person to come out

    At least IMO, a gay person calling themselves bi is overly inclusive. It's plainly lying to the opposite sex, so if someone like that comes on to you, you have to find a reason to turn them down.

    For a bi person to say they're gay, yes they're also lying, but not in a way that gives anyone false hope. If someone is truly bi, that means they like everything a gay person does and the opposite sex as well. But if they've chosen to permanently limit themselves to the same sex for whatever reason, they might as well say "gay".

    I try not to come down too hard on gays who say they're bi, but it's a destructive practice especially if they decide to come out as fully gay later on. It perpetuates the idea that bi people are just "half out" or are just fearful/questioning/greedy sex-crazy(seriously?) gay people.
     
    #9 Argentwing, Jun 28, 2014
    Last edited: Jun 28, 2014
  10. stocking

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    Re: why is it ok for a bi person to come out as gay but not a gay person to come out

    I agree with most of what you said but I think it's harmful either way sure a bisexual gay can say he's gay and it will not cause any harm but if a bisexual woman says she's lesbian and sleeps with men that kinda makes the myth where women cannot live without men and there is no such thing as a gay woman . I don't think either way is good but I see why some people do it but . but really confuses me is why is one ok and not the other . they both create myths about either orientation if you look at it . sure a bisexual man who sleeps with women and men to a lot of people will be seen as a gay man still struggling but if it's women it's not seen that way . either is good in my opinion .
     
    #10 stocking, Jun 28, 2014
  11. Spatula

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    Re: why is it ok for a bi person to come out as gay but not a gay person to come out

    I think you're mistaken. Cynthia Nixon got a very large amount of flak from the gay community when she claimed she "chose to be gay". Eventually she was strongarmed into admitting biologically she was actually bisexual, but that she chose to exclusively date women and identify as gay.

    And there was another one - I noticed this article on the Nation which very much sounded like the same drum. Check out the comments section for that article. The reaction is pretty much universally negative. There are actually a few of these. I don't know why I've collected all of them.

    Point being, bisexuals identifying as gay hurts gays because it implies to outsiders that gays "chose", just as much as gays identifying as bisexual hurts bisexuals by implying to outsiders that all bisexuals are just closet cases.
     
    #11 Spatula, Jun 28, 2014
  12. stocking

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    Re: why is it ok for a bi person to come out as gay but not a gay person to come out

    This is what I've been stating the whole time or trying to state thanks for the article I'll read it , neither helps the other even though both were not intended to harm . thanks for stating it that way I'm not very good at wording things . Sadly the direction the lgbt community is going we're going to learn that the hard way .
     
    #12 stocking, Jun 28, 2014
  13. Phoenix92

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    Re: why is it ok for a bi person to come out as gay but not a gay person to come out

    Because society, that's why.

    The general rule that most people(at least that I've asked) get when it comes to the LGBTPQ community(whom aren't part of the community) is that once you "go gay" so to speak, you can't come back.
     
    #13 Phoenix92, Jun 29, 2014
  14. spockbach

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    Re: why is it ok for a bi person to come out as gay but not a gay person to come out

    I think that bisexuality is often misunderstood and vindicated by both gay and straight people.
     
    #14 spockbach, Jun 29, 2014
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