GAY GUYS: How to tell if someone's into you?

Evidently, I have no idea, but my subconscious does. I don't even know.

 

I struggle with this ALL. THE. TIME. and it's also why I'm always too shy to talk to a guy I like. I'll keep an eye on this thread to see others respond

 

Outside of one scenario where the guy made it.... well, extremely obvious (In fact I was rather afraid that someone from my high school had noticed and would out me), I am completely clueless as to when anyone might be flirting with me (of any sex).

In fact a week or so ago my sister pretty much had to ask me after we left a bar "you realize she was flirting with you, right?"

"....What? Really?" :lol:


However, even though I would have no clue in any case, I don't imagine it happens very often.




Sorry I've been of no help in deciphering if a guy likes you. :lol:

 

Unfortunately from what we've seen what ShadowJ just went through, it doesn't matter if a guy is flirty, making physical contact, or hangs around you a lot, he still isn't gay...possibly.

The only way to tell is via conversation if he is gay/bi, and then the eye contact and such that follows may mean that he is interested in you.

PS, you've become a full member, congrats!

 

hmmm probably their gaze..... there's somewhat of an unspoken rule that if a guy looks and maintains eye contact with you longer then three seconds, then it means he's gay. if not, then he's straight. i somewhat find this kinda flawed because the shy guys tend to look away too quick. if not, guys just might not be interested and look away anyways.

i guess sometimes, when guys like you, they let you get away with a few things and joke around a lot more then they should.

 

My experiences have been limited but I'll share. When I was a teen I was looking at straight porn with another boy. I noticed the bulge in his pants and started rubbing it. one thing led to another and we were making out. Another boy on the bus. somebody touched somebody's leg. Then we were holding hands under our coats. Then we were kissing under the coats. The bus driver finally threatened to tell our parents.

As a college student the GSA was a great way to make connections. You would hear about someone through a person at the meeting. Sometimes the members of the GSA would go out clubbing at night. It wasn't sanctioned by the school. It was just friends meeting at the club,

I also met people at gay friendly churches.



fwiw

 

Quick glances and smiles are usually a giveaway. There's this guy - around my age - who gets the bus at the same time I do on a morning - and I've seen him looking at me, but always looks away whenever I look at him. Maybe I should say hello.

 

honestly idk but just try to maybe think about how you react when you're into someone! sometimes they just want to be friends tho.....so dont mix those two up....

 

When interested in someone, I've always believed in reciprocating what is given to you. I don't initially treat people I am attracted to differently then those I'm not because I often make an effort to be as approachable and friendly of a person that I can be. There was a time when I was much more uncomfortable in social settings than I am today and I know how much someone reaching out and being social with you and showing interest in who you are can mean to you.

You are never risking anything by giving attention to someone who has already done the same to you. Whether it is returning a smile, maintaining eye contact, keeping a conversation flowing, giving a courtesy or compliment, etc. Rather than fixating on those you want to be with romantically, making a habit of opening up, reaching out, starting a conversation, introducing yourself, etc, to people in general will open you up to many more opportunities romantically and platonically.

It's when we over-analyze these situations and everything becomes tactical, rather than natural that the situations appear more complicated than they ever need to be.

 

I never can tell in real life but it's easier online. I've only had experience about it when I was approached by someone in the mall whilst I was sitting near the bench and this random guy sat next to me and he asked what breed of dog I have because I was carrying a sack of dog food until he end up asking for my name and where I live but I was so nervous about it and I lied to him and gave a fake address and took off.

 

Most people are pretty bad at detecting when someone is flirting with them. It takes an especially sensitive and skilled flirter to recognize the signs when he himself is being flirted with.

 

Yep, and I am not a skilled flirter

 

I don't think this is very encouraging for you, but I can also relate. It really sucks, because I liked this guy for so long at work. Its strange because the first time I saw him I caught him out the corner of my eye smiling and staring at me. I just kinda nervously smiled back. Then after that everytime he would always pass by where I work and even if I wasnt looking up Id see a second later he was looking at me or smiling at me. Usually in the past what Ive tried to do was try to talk to them, just in a casual way. And then Id ask if its ok to add them on fb or something. then I would later casually say hi on fb. But with this guy, who seemed so interested or so I thought... I messaged him and just said, hey man whats up? he replied with something like why are you talking to me? Like he seemed really bothered that I was even attempting to be his friend. I just said, Im trying to make more friends. We chatted for a couple more seconds after that about work. but that was it. He seemed somewhat annoyed that I would even say hi to him. Then later I find out he has a girlfriend. And then I just feel so stupid, and so defeated... My own personal thoughts on that is, he could be closeted gay/bi who hasnt come to terms with his sexuality yet. Or maybe maybe Im just crazy and imagine signs that arent really there. Maybe I read too much between the lines (which is what a gay guy I had two dates with said to me. After he initially told me that he wanted to date me before.) So now its like Ive got it inside my head that these feelings, I originally had thought, were *potentially* mutual between me and any other guy that I think likes me, is actually my brain just making it all up. I hate to be that guy, I really do. But I dont really like being gay. And those idiots who think its a choice has no idea what its like at all. Like sure let me "choose" to be miserable and made fun of and ostracized for the rest of forever. (I realize Im being a bit overly dramatic. I guess my point is, I can relate.) I truly do want no, need to meet more guys like me, because at this point, excluding a few people I talk to online who live miles away, I literally have no gay friends in this town.... Im sorry I dont mean to whine or anything. Its just hard ya know? I hope I can find people who will help me through these times, and I can do the same for them.

ps. sorry for the ranting

 

It's usually the eyes. If they look at you and maintain eye contact, there's a decent chance they're interested.

 

Whenever someone is online, say Facebook or Skype, they feel an urgent need to always contact me. They always compliment me, which can be nice, but they sometimes overdo to the point where I might be suspicious. I mean, I've gotten compliments from other gay guys at my Alliance, for my hair and eyes, but that was one time in the span of six months, for example. If it were an everyday occurrence, then I would think that something's up.

Oh yeah, if they ask if you'd like to get coffee, go hang out, if you use Twitter/Facebook= use with extreme caution and keep an eye out.