Gay guys dating etiquette, rules, and your opinions

1. Ha ha, no, unless your living your life in a yaoi anime fanfic. In fact not all relationships have a defined top and bottom, in some the people are far more versatile. Also some people who aren't otherwise dominant might be tops in the bedroom and visa versa.
2. I think that kind of makes sense, but I don't think it's a defined rule. I personally thing going dutch is the best way to go.
3. I think I would ask my friend first, just to make sure what kind of person he is, and if you like what you hear, then ask your friend to introduce you. Showing up where he works kinda sounds like stalking.
4. Personally I would wait quite a few months before I had sex with someone, but I'm very old fashioned. I think everyone has a different amount of time that they feel comfortable with.
5. I would want to go to a resturaunt or local event if one is going on. But I live in a city, I'm not sure if there are many events going on where you live. You could also go to a museum if he's a more intellectual guy, if not then he might enjoy bowling. If he's athletic you could take him hiking.
6. I would try to bring it up a few dates in, I feel like you should be honest from the start, especially because some ignorant people don't like to date bisexuals. Better you find out sooner than later.

---------- Post added 6th Jul 2014 at 09:32 PM ----------

Oh, almost forgot, best date ever is to invite them over and cook dinner for them, it's super romantic.

 

1) No--sex roles and relationship roles and other life roles in my experience do not correlate with each other--at all.
2) I think some people have the asker pay--I don't think it's a hard and fast rule but if you ask someone out I think you should at least be prepared to pay. As far as going dutch goes I never liked it. It's so... transactional. I think if it is an issue, alternating (starting with whoever asked first) makes sense. The other "rule" I always followed was if one person has substantially more material resources than the other, they pay. I've been on both sides of that rule and I felt it was fair both ways.
3) I think if a friend is available to do recon with or even to act as a go-between I would definitely take advantage of that.
4a) I generally went to his place--the reasoning behind it was a little morbid. When I was single I generally lived alone and I always felt like if someone killed me at least if we're at their place they would have to dispose of the body. Don't get me wrong I really didn't worry about it much--in fact I "dated" pretty hard there for a while--but in the back of my mind that was why I preferred his place to mine.
4b) As to the second part of the question I thought three was the proper number--but I didn't always make it to three. My husband and I have been together for 16 years. We had sex the night we met.
5) Dinner and drinks. If I thought there was a chance it might be serious I would probably arrange to meet up with friends for drinks after dinner with just the two of us.
6) I would bring it up as soon as you reasonably can--I hate to tell you this but a lot of gay guys are going to feel blindsided if it comes up to late in the process. Oh, I'm not bi.

 

I have only three dating experiences to speak of, but:

1. No they don't have to correlate. Dominance is sort of a fluid and loosely-defined thing in my current relationship. We met online. he was the first to send me a message. I was the one to ask for a date (though he set the location). In bed he's typically the "top" and I the "bottom" but that's not always hard and fast. There's a lot of push and pull like that. On the other hand, the first guy I dated was the one to ask me out and wanted to be exclusively dominant (one of the reasons we were never going to work out).

2. On all of my first and subsequent dates we alternated. One person might pay for the meal, the other for the night's activity, etc.

3. I haven't had this experience, but I would talk to your mutual friend first.

4. I only went all the way with my current long-term boyfriend. For me, I want to hold out on sex until I'm sure that there's actually something there between us, hence why it never happened with the other two. My Bf and I first had sex on the 5th date. We went to my place since he lived with his sister. But if he had lived alone we would have probably done it at his place on the 4th date.

5. Restaurant and some other activity is usually my go-to for dates. One time it was lunch and a stroll through a park/visit to the city conservatory. Another time it was dinner, bowling, and a stroll along the river-walk.

6. I am not bi, but my boyfriend has said that he would have thought twice about dating me if I was. In that case you should probably get it over with sooner rather than later. I wouldn't care as much as him, so I wouldn't be as taken back if I were told later.

 

1. If you ask a guy out, does it automatically make you the dominant one in the relationship? Does the guy you are asking out assume you are a top(guessing no but not sure)?

Absolutely not, and it's probably best to get out the idea of dominance and submissiveness before you even start. You can be a very forward and dominant bottom, and a shy, submissive top. It's not clearly defined and it's a bad idea to assume anything at all.

2. If you ask a guy out, is it still cool to split the bill or does it mean you cover everything?

Be prepared to cover everything if you ambiguously invite someone to dinner/coffee whatever. That goes for almost anything. It's sometimes cultural; some French people (usually the older ones) dislike the idea of splitting the bill and consider the asker duty-bound to pay. The Dutch are famously more willing to split bills. Just check what the person you're asking out is like and be prepared to pay all, just in case.

3. You see a friend of a friend on facebook that you find attractive and is from your town and seems to match your personality. Do you first message your mutual friend and ask what type of person he is? Message him directly? Show up to the restaurant where he works and hope to make a good impression, get his table, and leave him your number?

None of these options seem particularly good to me. The last one smells of stalking, and you'd be better off asking for an introduction through your friend. I'd say leave it. Facebook, for all it is a public site, shouldn't be treated as an open forum to chat strangers up.

4. Do you prefer to go to his place if more happens? How many dates do you normally wait to go all the way?

Entirely the choice of the people involved. You can have sex with someone after one date (though it's probably best to make sure you know it's a good idea before you do), or you could have ten dates before even kissing. It's entirely dependent on the parties involved.

5.Getting back to the start of things, where do you prefer to go on a first date?

Again, this is the furthest thing from a universal question. Though if the guy's a waiter, probably not somewhere famed for its luxury, but again, this situation is 100% up to who's involved.

6. When do you let him know that you are bi(if you are a bi guy it would be helpful when answering)?

Any time. My bi ex told me straight away, or rather, he commented on how he found a girl attractive. But you can keep it as unspecific as you want. It's entirely your choice, but if you feel you have to hide it from someone, maybe question whether it's a good idea to go out with them.

 

This will likely echo what others have posted but sure why not...

1. If you ask a guy out, does it automatically make you the dominant one in the relationship? Does the guy you are asking out assume you are a top(guessing no but not sure)?

I don't think that those two things are in any way related. Something like this is more likely to come up closer when you are ready to be physically intimate with one another.

2. If you ask a guy out, is it still cool to split the bill or does it mean you cover everything?

Whenever I ask anyone out, I always pay. That being said, I take it as an incredibly nice gesture if the person I ask out does not assume that and offers to at least pay for themselves. Of course I would always so no, but to me, having someone assume I am paying is a little presumptuous. If someone asks me out, I at least always offer to pay and then if they insist I drop it pretty easy.

3. You see a friend of a friend on facebook that you find attractive and is from your town and seems to match your personality. Do you first message your mutual friend and ask what type of person he is? Message him directly? Show up to the restaurant where he works and hope to make a good impression, get his table, and leave him your number?

Depends how well you know the friend in the middle. If you are close, then I would say use the mediator, but if not, might be better to message the person directly. I think the restaurant route is a little creepy and over the top.

4. Do you prefer to go to his place if more happens? How many dates do you normally wait to go all the way?

Not sure on this one. Don't think I would have a preference on who's place. Obviously I am more comfortable at my own home, but its an easier "get-away" in case things turn bad if you go to his place. I don't think there is a set number of dates. I have hooked up on my first date, and I have gone 5+ without hooking up. Depends on the guy and the chemistry.

5.Getting back to the start of things, where do you prefer to go on a first date?

I like doing something fun (cooking together, mini-golf, batting cages, etc.). To me, there is a lot of pressure to sit and talk for 3-4 hours. Going somewhere where you can do an activity and interact, and have some time to talk is nice, but I don't like all talking (walk/hike) or no talking (movie).

6. When do you let him know that you are bi(if you are a bi guy it would be helpful when answering)?

Do it earlier rather than later. That is a courtesy I think you owe someone you are dating so they can have a chance to develop genuine feelings and be honest with you as well.