Hi all, Ive very recently Identified as gay/come out, I'm a 36 year old male, have a child and have always thought of myself as straight. \i started working in a new job around 8 months ago and ran into a guy in the smokers room, first thought that came to mind was fuck he's hot! Anyways after the work related training it turned out that the hot guy from the smokers room would be my team boss. First chat we had was about this and that, work related stuff and then some personal stuff. i.e hobbies, relationships etc. Told him I have a child and then proceeded to ask him if he had any kids to which he replied no, not likely to happen for me. I asked him why, just out of curiosity to which he replied, I'm gay...... say what?? (thought that went through my mind). My mouth went dry and I must have had a shocked look on my face, things going through my head like he's hot..... Anyways, I started thinking about him more and more.... finding every oportunity just to have a quick chat with him. I spent alot of time thinking of way's to let him see I was interested in him, which obviously he didnt pick up on as he thought I was straight. We had a team function shortly after and the pair of us where outside smoking and talking, then at one point when he was telling me something he held my arm gently and I could feel my heart racing...... Anyways alot of time passed and I tried to build up the courage to say something but alas nothing came of it untill 4 weeks ago when we had another team function. As he was about to leave I pulled him to one side and told him I was gay.... he put his arms round me and hugged me, told me he was going to a gay bar nearby. He left and about half an hr later I got a message on facebook with his phone number. Went to the gaybar and met up with him, we almost kissed at one point and I ended up staying the night at his place... The next morning when we woke up we looked at eachother and his first reaction was **** I'm ur boss. To which I replied, so what, no one at work needs to know. Two weeks passed and we only saw eachother at work, smiles and gestures no one could pick up on only us two. We arranged to meet up at his place last weekend had a few beers and then discussed the situation at hand, he said he needed to get his head around the whole idea, he admitted to liking me for a while but saw me as off limits as to him I was straight. He said he thought I should go out and experience sex with other men, to see what its like as I had just come out, to which I replied that this is not for me, I'm not that kind of person. I told him it was him I was interested in and not promisquity. I ended up staying the night again,no sex just holding eachother and talking. We both admitted that it feels good, extatic even and that the sexual part wil come in time. Spent a few more nights staying over and am falling for him big time..... The thing is, I feel he's trying to keep his distance a bit.... I feel he wants the same as me but he's worried in general, and about me I guess.... He asked me questions like why me? and what do u want from me? are you still atracted to women... all logical questions which I can understand fully... I'm backing off myself a bit at this point as I dont want to end up getting hurt.... not that I want to, but am a bit confused now as to what he wants,I'm not the best talker, can be a very closed book at times..... any advice anyone??
Well, I can't tell from your first post, but if you're married you might want to take a while and get a divorce or something first. Otherwise you should go for it. It might help if you take a while to figure out for yourself "Am I gay, or just attracted to this one man?" "Do I still like women?". Once you have these things figured out, you can decide to move forward. A good way to gauge who you are attracted too is to masturbate a few times without porn. Where do your thoughts go? Was there a woman involved at any point or not?
Hi Wuggums47, thanks for your reply, I'm not married i'm single so thats not an issue :icon_wink ..... I think I'm more worried about this guy, and what he's thinking.... I can understand the insecurity, when he questions if I'll ever be back into women.I dont think I will. I've always known deep down that I was also atracted to guys, think I just never wanted to admit it untill I met him. The feeling I have when I'm with him is intense, strange? maybe so, I mean we don't know know eachother yet.... although we've been working together for close to 8 months...... though when we're together it feels like we've known eachother alot longer, no awkwardness. Guess I just have to be patient and see where this ship takes me....
