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gay christian closeted friend

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by dblockdavis, Jul 17, 2014.

  1. dblockdavis

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    I have a closeted gay christian friend. He is a very loving nice person when i am around him. Only i, and like 3 other people know he is gay. His family are pentecostal christians. I feel very sorry for him. His mother posts anti gay christian nutjob bigoted posts on his facebook all the time. He often makes homophobic remarks and will say stuff out of the blue like "gay people think god loves them but its adam and eve not adam and steve". and "I dont want to know what another man feels like". Yet he is gay. He is stuck dating a girl (who is beautiful by the way) that his mother set him up with. Its a friend of hers daughter. She is monitoring their relationship via facebook and social media. This guy is gay as fuck, and to watch him act out this lie is just so sad to me. what should he do?
     
  2. mangotree

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    What would you want him to do if the roles were reversed?
    Being bisexual yourself, is there some kind of e-activism you could do on his behalf?
     
  3. idream

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    I think he should join this forum:3 or at least, with the help of you and whoever else is willing, learn to accept himself so that he doesn't become self loathing or even self destructive. good luck to him.
     
  4. pigpassport

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    I think he needs to kill his mother wow she's controlling.
    No but in all seriousness he should break up with the girlfriend now, lest it go any further and give another reason as to why he's breaking up with her than being gay. There is logic behind making the homophobic remarks (although whether this is his logic only he can say) but I suspect it may be because his family is so very homophobic that if he isn't seen to be being also homophobic then they'll accuse him of supporting gays or being gay which in his position I think a fair number of people would do the same. But yeah I agree, perhaps some form of activism or even joining a forum like this one may be helpful for him
     
  5. hoodie boy

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    Like your friend, I'm a closeted gay Christian with religious parents. They have never once considered that I could be homosexual; they think that I'll get married to a kind, Christian woman and have a couple of kids.

    I've never lied to my parents; they've never thought to ask. They're loving, intelligent, compassionate people, but I don't think they'll be able to accept my sexuality.

    I completely understand your friend's behavior. He loves his family and cannot bring himself to damage something he can depend on. Your friend may question his sexuality, his religion, his lifestyle, etc, but he knows that if he behaves in a particular way, his family will always support him. He can see the risk in revealing his orientation.

    If your description of his mother is close to accurate, she will try to change him if she discovers the truth. There is little to nothing your friend can do in this situation (depending on his age).

    The best thing you can do for your friend is to be there for him if he needs someone to talk to. Don't criticize him, just listen to his thoughts and problems. If possible, your friend should try to join EC (or a similar site). This may be difficult due to his overbearing mother.
     
  6. dblockdavis

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    So why do you think he is pretending to be straight and has kept the girlfriend his mom set him up with? He also loves my eyes and comments on them from time to time. He says stuff like "they are turquoise!" He had to block me on his smartphone because he said "his mom reads his texts" and he is afraid i might say something that would be caught. He also had to block me on facebook. I understand. He will only talk to me in person. To top it off i look like fucking Tom Cruise so he would act like he hated me and make fun of me and stuff at first.
     
    #6 dblockdavis, Jul 18, 2014
    Last edited: Jul 18, 2014
  7. dblockdavis

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    I feel bad for him. He is cute too. I see him checking out my ass sometimes.
     
  8. QueerTransEnby

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    How old is this guy? The Christian bubble is very hard to pop out from. It took me 19 years; it's not easy. Lots of judging, self-guilt, and shame.
     
  9. dblockdavis

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    He is about 25 years old.
     
  10. QueerTransEnby

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    And he lives with his parents I am guessing?
     
  11. dblockdavis

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    No he just moved out but he has a girlfriend that his mother is keeping tabs on
     
  12. lowkey

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    The problem with the christian bubble is that it CREATES A VOID THAT IT FILLS ITSELF IN. if everyone was atheist to begin with it wouldnt be hard because there wouldnt be a blank void you need to fill in after you stop believing. thats why people sometimes revert back christian is because of the fact it makes them feel good and fills so the void.

    Your friend unfortunately is in a terrible position. i recommend a sit down talk with friends, as well as hanging out with more gay people and more atheists
     
  13. QueerTransEnby

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    You can be LGBT and Christian. He needs to come here and see us. If he lives on his own and is financially independent, he needs to cut the cord. Invite him out for lunch and let him know that he needs to be honest about who he is. He will never be completely happy until he is who he is.
     
  14. lowkey

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    I dont mean to be an atheist, but what is the point of following the religion if you are already bending the rules to fit your lifestyle? i mean it just seems a little strange when i see gay christians because you cant just go changing what the scripture says at will, that means you arent really christian Lol. you are a 'poser christian' in a way. hope that doesnt sound harsh. I think its societies fault and evolution for making us think so arrogantly regarding all religion. I dont consider atheism a religion, because it doesnt revolve around superstition, but rather a group that solely believes in science.

    Technically speaking, There are thousands of religions, But you yourself are 1 religion away from being an atheist
     
  15. QueerTransEnby

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  16. dblockdavis

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    He still says he is straight and goes on homophobic tirades. I just let him vent his gay thoughts because if i do it back to him he gets really angry. He has also made me blush and called me out on it to other people, yet i have NEVER EVER made him blush. Why the fuck is he trying to find out if i am gay?
     
  17. Candace

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    Have him come here and chat with us! It'd be the most reasonable thing to do :slight_smile:.
     
  18. dblockdavis

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    He even liked to comment on my eyes, touch my arms, and grind his head into my chest (this happened once). Yet he still says he is straight. Do you think he is just doing this things to make fun of me, and he really is straight?
     
  19. Wuggums47

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    Refer your friend to this site, maybe we can help him.
     
  20. dblockdavis

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    He's way too deep in the closet. He also said that he is a "god fearing man". Maybe he was just trying to trick me into revealing that i am gay?