What do you say to your parents when they ask why you're not dating?

Luckily I never get asked this but if I was I would just tell them I don't need a significant other to feel completed and that I have more important things I focus on instead.

 

For me Its as simple as: "I dont want to."

 

Well, I am out to my parents - but even before then, they never asked.

I really am eccentric and socially anxious enough that why I am generally not dating anyone is fairly self-evident.

 

I have the occasional awkward conversation about boys with my mum, dad never mentions it. I tend to give short answers and become fairly unresponsive until the subject is changed. It's normally things like "do you not ever meet a boy and think ooh he's nice" to which I generally respond "nah" or she'll say something about a guy being cute if one pops up on tv or something and I know I'm generally expected to respond but I normally don't, or she'll ask things like what kind of guys do I think are attractive, what kind of things would I want in a boyfriend or something. I am still sufficiently in the closet enough that I have not yet answered "tits and a vagina" to that question.
But yeah it makes me feel very awkward, although I think it would anyway because I'm a very private person, so I tend to just say little and brush everything off until the conversation is over. I think she just thinks I get embarrassed when we talk about it (true) and that I don't want to talk about it (also true); I don't talk to them about a lot of things, I think they know I'm relatively private anyway but I don't think me being gay is something that will have crossed either of my parents minds

 

You could always say you're focusing on your studies/work.

 

I tell them I'm more interested in my career

 

I tell them not to be silly. And then usually get up and leave the room/conversation. Sigh.

 

It doesn't come up often with my mother. However, my father, since I only see him once a year, tends to ask me about it. For him, I usually just shrug and say, "Nothing has worked out."

And, that is usually that.

I used to have an aunt, on my father's side, that used to point out how I, of all the cousins, was the only one not bringing a special someone to their Christmas event. As a young kid, this was more so joking. But, as I got older and into my teens, one Christmas, it was a centerpiece of conversation. Basically, this aunt found it strange that I was almost 16, and had never even mentioned dating. So, a few people in the family were drilling me with questions. That, went pretty much like this:

Person 1: Do you want a girlfriend?
Me: It'd be nice, sure.

Person 2: What kind of girls do you like?
Me: Typically, the ones who don't find me repulsive.

Person 3: Are you ever going to bring someone, for us to meet?
Me: I don't know. Are you going to interrogate them like this, too?

Person 1: Well, ___, has a boyfriend. And ___, brought over ___, last year.
Me: Perhaps they're more appealing to the eyes.
Person 1: Now, now. Be serious. I like to know all the nephews are doing okay.
Me: I'm fine, I promise. Maybe not in the looks department, but I'm stable.
Person 1: ___ ___ ___, you quit that, right now!

Person 2: ___ is pretty, she is ___'s daughter after all. He'll just have to work harder.
Me: Wait... did you just call me unattractive?
Person 2: No. But with girls, it's easier to tell what's attractive.
Me: ... and you've been married, how many times, for that intelligence of yours?
Person 1: ___!

Person 3: All he needs to do is have a little more confidence, like me.
Me: You sure you have room for confidence? You seem pretty full of impatience, to me.

Needless to say, I was kind of an ass, but I was also using sarcasm to navigate the conversation. Other than that one time, it doesn't come up. I assume my father's side of the family either believes, I'm weird, or that I'll just wander away.

I think the zinger of the entire night that night, was:

Aunt: You'll find someone when you're good and ready.
Me: Kind of like how you do, every 3 years, with your husbands?
Aunt: One day, you'll see, that it isn't easy being in a relationship. But you learn from it.
Me: If that's true, then why do you keep falling for the same tricks?
Aunt: Okay, you little smart ass. You can't speak on this topic, because you have no experience in it.
Me: Wouldn't experience in relationship failures make you, well, less useful than me, with none? It'd be like asking a guy, who broke your vase several times, to glue your pottery anyway.
Family: *silence for a moment, then laughter. Aunt storms off, and laughter resumes*

I was a reckless asshole back then, but the point still stands. You can tell them whatever you want, anyone who asks about your dating situation. For me, humor and deflection works, because I find it tiresome having to explain myself, over and over, to people who don't even really listen the first time.

 

Same here. It doesn't come up a lot, but if family asks I just say "no" and get a lot of "you just need to get yourself out there" or (thankfully) "It's good to focus on your career."

Can you just say you're focusing on work, or that work has you otherwise too busy?

 

I tell them I like my freedom...I like to be able to spend time with (girl)friends without the complication of men getting in the way...I think they suspect sometimes but...

 

I tell them that my husband frowns upon me dating:lol:--sorry, not helpful, I know--carry on.

 

I just say that I'm too busy (school, getting a job) and that it's not my priority right now.

 

Either I have no money or I don't need one

 

What about something like what Tudor said, then? "I like my freedom."

I have a (presumably) straight friend who is totally resistant to dating, she says the same sort of thing when questioned. She also likes to travel and says she'd rather be able to do that unattached. Is there anything in your life, or in your interests, that you could say similarly?

The other option is of course to come out to them.. I only bring that up because your profile says you're "trying to be more open" about things. Would that be an option with your family?

 

I'm pretty sure a fair number of straight girls think that whenever a random guy checks them out sometimes haha

 

My go-to response used to be 'I have to focus on my studies' and I've now switched over to 'I need to concentrate on my career.' After my career stuff gets settled though I'll have to come up with a new excuse :lol:

I mostly just change the subject immediately though so the convo doesn't go on too long. I used to jokingly tell people that I'm just like Sheldon Cooper from BBT and don't care about relationships but I can't play the Sheldon card anymore cuz even he has a girlfriend now, haha

 

you can always use Nikola Tesla card. he was so into science that he never payed attention to his love life. although he might've had a wife once but it broke off quick because he was too much of a "bookworm". look how that turned out. he found electricity, invented the airplane and ray gun before anyone ever thought of it. he's an interesting innovator that no one took note of. they still have his inventions locked up in a vault somewhere in the USA. they vowed not to open it again -_-

before i came out the closet, my excuse was that i had to focus on my studies and career before i can date properly haha. i said that i wasn't interested in any girl at the moment because they didn't match my IQ or common sense :lol:

 

This has gotten awkward for me. Only a few of my friends know I'm gay and I didn't manage to come out to my parents yet. I generally make up whatever excuse fits the moment