How long was your denial?

[ccdd]

How long was your denial?

What was the length of time between your first inkling that you were LGBT, and your first ever coming out/coming out to yourself. For first inkling, take that as you will: I'm taking mine as when I first had the thought but fearfully pushed it away! I think it would be interesting to see the different lengths of time in graph form. (Not entirely sure what lengths of time to put though, as some people were really quick and others took ages!)

For me it was 11 years

[Martin]

I never really denied it. I just kind of ignored it for about 3 or 4 years because I had other things to worry about. Eventually (at 16) I accepted it but went into panic mode about how others would react.

[UnderARock]

I was in denial for a long time. Didn’t start to accept till I was out of school. I was in denial till just b4 i turned 18

[-Michael-]

Ive just known from about 12.
I just got on with my life really.

People suspected things in secondary school.
But ive never really had a problem accepting who i am.

[ausdtc]

I'm not sure how what to answer here exactly. My very first memory that hinted at me being gay was when I was about 12 or so. I recall saying to Mum that I thought Jason, the red power ranger, was cute! And then her telling me that boys don't say other boys are cute. But, at the time I thought nothing of it at all.

Up until about a year or so ago I never thought that I was gay, but still did things that *should* have made me think that (you know, looking at gay porn primarily etc.).. It's weird, I have no clue why it didn't hit me until then. But, there was definite denial afterwards for several months!

[Kimi]

I think I took like 6 monthes to just accept that I'm gay.

Well, more like "Oh what the hell, I'm gay and who is gonna care...."

[Brandford]

Like martin i pretty much ignored it till 8th grade then i started really looking at boys in the 9th grade, so i pretty much didnt have any denial

[Gumtree]

Kinda just realised in year 7 that something was different.

BAM and suddenly i was out to the world.

[biisme]

I kinda wondered one day (after I read a book), and then I pondered it for a day or two (just to figure out if I was) and when I decided I was, I was fine.

For me, it's a bit confusing.
I've been watching *ahem* gay porn since around the end of 7th grade and I didn't really realize the whole aspect of the whole "gay/straight" thing. So I thought nothing of it.

Then, in the middle of my eight grade year, I had an epiphany that I'm gay. And it was just that. I just confirmed it

... It's weird too. When I was young and living in my home country (Philippines), I get teased a lot (not bullied) about being gay. I didn't really pay attention to it so much, since I was like, maybe eight. At that age, all I cared about was playing with all my friends

[ltb2511]

I came out almost three years ago as bi, two years as gay and i still go through phases of denial.

[Victor]

Hm. I knew something was different in 7th grade when I stumbled upon naked guys on the internet. At that point, I was still having crushes left and right on girls. So I ignored this attraction to men, while continuing to look at them online... Skip a few years to the 10th grade, and I ended up having a huge crush on some dude. So I believed I was bi and still didn't want anything much to do with being gay. It wasn't too long ago where I suddenly realized that I'm just plain gay.

So I guess that's probably about 5-6 years.

[Wander]

From some time in sixth grade to halfway through ninth. I went through so many different ideas during that period, from trying to change to just ignoring it.

[jazzrawr]

Well, depends on what denial means. In grade 9, i was like "psshh, i'm just bi. I can still have a boyfriend." That was denial i guess. But I accepted that i liked girls ever since i read my first girl/girl fanfiction out of curiosity. XD

[Lexington]

Honestly, I didn't even consider the notion that I might be gay until I was 20. I don't think it was denial - it was just utter cluelessness. Once I gave it some thought, and realized I might be gay, I more or less accepted it within a week. (And enjoyed the accompanying sex drive increase.)

Lex

[mikeh]

It's kind of funny looking back now, at how far in denial I really was. Somehow the fact that I was turned on by gay porn made no connection with the idea that I might be gay...

It was just a few months ago, while I was reading some book review on Amazon and it mentioned internalized homophobia. I had no idea why I was crying over it, until I realized it was practically a description of me.

I remember more than once in high school, some friends were wondering why I wasn't going out with anyone, told me I should find a girl or boy friend. Of course back then I had to keep up the facade of being offended at the suggestion I was gay. I think maybe they knew something I didn't!

[HalfInsane]

I was in denial for three years. I'd find myself checking out girls starting in grade 8, but I'd refuse to ever tell myself it was because I was attracted to them. I'd tell myself "Hey, you're just jealous of them is all. That's why you're doing that" and then I'd try (and fail) to be as interested in looking at guys... but I just ignored that second bit, decided it because all the guys in the school were ugly. xD

So just a bit past my 16th birthday, I was finding myself actually attracted to my one female friend, and that was when I finally allowed my logic to kick in. The fact I'd always stare at girls, and that I was starting to like one... and with those two things realized, I could no longer tell myself it was some odd "jealousy" and that, if anything, I was at least bisexual.

[riddlerno1]

Very good question!! I guess i had an inkling when i was bout 10 that i like guys when like ausdtc ^ fancied a guy off the telly rather than the girls all my mates were talking about! i sorta realised that i thought that robin from the 60's batman tv show was cute. But the growing up in high school just tried to deny my feelings and pass them off as a phase! 15 years later...........finally starting to admit i may just be gay!

[Nodnarb]

I think the first time I think I noticed was in 7th grade, when I was 11 or 12. I realized I was checking out one of my friends in the locker room, and decided that it was definately not normal. I sort of denied it/ignored it/rationalized it away for about 4 years, when I came across EC, and, for the first time ever, thought that I could be gay. Then, this January, everything came together and I realized, "Yup, I'm gay. And I'm fine with that."

[Paul_UK]

At least 10 years for me. I knew for certain when I was 16, and pretty much knew from around 14 and should have known earlier than that. But I convinced myself that it was a phase, then that when I met a girl it would all be OK etc. It took until I was 26 before I really did something about it, sought help and came out.

I chose 10-15 years in the poll.