Sorry, that's a dealbreaker.

So, let's say your on a date and you find out something about your date. What kind of things could someone say or do that would make you not go out with them? I'm looking less for answers like "He killed my dog, and that's cruel to animals, I won't date him" and more for answers like "He drinks milk, and that's cruel to animals, I won't date him". They should be things that wouldn't be deal breakers to everyone.

For me a dealbreaker would be if they where a republican. I just can't bring myself to date one. It's not as petty as it sounds when you keep in mind that the official position of their party is that I should have died when I was 15, rather than accept government aid.

 

"I'm a social conservative"

"I'm a chain smoker"

"I'm racist/sexist/xenophobic/transphobic/self hating/etc."

Other than that, I keep pretty open to anyone.

 

Their a liar that's a deal breaker , they smoke and yes they conservative that's deal breakers
they don't like animals .

 

They drink or have little compassion/selfish

 

Being judgemental enough to come up with a list of "dealbreakers"...

*forever alone*

 

If they don't take care of their car. If they don't value and maintain their most expensive piece of machinery that they own, how are they supposed to value and treat well an intangible relationship? They don't care about preserving nice things, I don't care about them.

My car is immaculate. It is a daily driver, but it looks BETTER over time because of everything I do to it. It is tastefully and subtly modified and is slowly undergoing restoration due to the method I take at catching up on past deferred maintenance. Just by looking at my car, you can tell I cherish and value nice things in my life that I work hard for and that mean something special to me. I would put my boyfriend on a fucking pedestal because he would be the most important thing in my life. If he isn't going to do the same, the fire will be slowly snuffed out until my passion no longer burns for him.

 

"I want kids."

"I want an open relationship."

"Let's bareback on the first date."

"My ex really isn't my ex."

"Don't worry about that pipe in my car."

---------- Post added 21st Jul 2014 at 01:45 AM ----------

I don't think you're comparing apples to apples. Just because I don't know much about cars you'd completely write me off as a person? Because I don't know how to fix a transmission means I wouldn't cherish and value you if we were to get together? Sounds harsh.

 

If they have or want children.

If they are theist/republican/conservative.

If they have no compassion or respect for non-human animals and nature and are environmentally apathetic (this is a -huge- part of me and my life, and anyone who doesn't "get it" essentially doesn't get me so why would I date them?)

If they are racist/sexist/homophobic (obviously)

...I think that's all for automatic dealbreakers.

 

Gaytheist, this thread might go better if nobody questions someone else's dealbreakers. The very nature of one is that it is probably unreasonable.

 

> Communist, socialist*, or statist.
> Wanting children.
> Stupidity.
> Dogmatism.
> Doesn't have anything in common with me.
> Doesn't let me eat meat/dairy around them.
> Fetishes involving waste products. That's kind of creepy.

*This includes National Socialists.

 

No. I'm talking about people who downright do not care at ALL about the vehicle they own. They eat inside it and throw the crumbs on the floor along with the wrapper. They spill soda on the carpet and just allow it to dry to a sticky, hard, gel. They sit on the hood and scratch the paint with their backpack or purse. They go 6 or 7 thousand miles on conventional oil in severe duty scenarios, damaging the engine. They drive it without checking the oil and only end up irritated when it turns out they ran it low and now have a slight rod knock forming. The lack of respect shows a lack of commitment. They don't have to personally fix their car or even know anything about it at all. They simply have to care enough to keep it clean, maintained, and loved. If that means taking it to a garage and car wash, that's better than nothing. The same concept applies to their house, their cell phone, their computer, etc. Again, all of the above in my case are immaculate and you can tell how much I love them. I've had the same phone for about 5 years now. My sister has gone through about 4 of them. She broke one, dropped another, got bored with the third, and now just recently changed her mind and impulsively got a 4th.

Those traits just rub me the wrong way. You're supposed to have pride in the money that you earn through hard work, and you're supposed to cherish things that you love in life. That's what I'm trying to say here.

My friend (not that EVERYONE is this way, but it relates to my point) told me one day that he was WAY overdue for an oil change. He pulled his dip stick out and it was DARK black. I glanced over at his battery and noticed it was dated September of 2008. His plug wire set is original and the car has well over 120k miles on it. His car is in a state of disrepair, and he doesn't care. His "fuck buddy" cares about him quite a bit. He calls her every few months just to hook up, then doesn't call her for weeks after. She loves him, and he just uses her. He doesn't care about anything at all very passionately like I do. I would NOT give him the light of day even if he was gay. He simply doesn't invest the energy to care about anything, and I just could not deal with that in a relationship. It would drive me insane.

Hopefully that clarified.

 

If they're a conservative. If they're against having pets.

 

I don't want kids
I don't like kids / animals
I'm not okay with you being bisexual

 

Not wanting kids. That right there is the ultimate deal breaker. I can never be with somebody who doesn't want to eventually have children.

Not willing to have cats or dogs in the house.

Wanting to drive everywhere we go.

Not wanting to live in the city.

Not being an environmentalist.

These are all things central enough to my lifestyle and hopes for the future that I can't compromise on them and remain happy.

 

A long-term relationship with someone who wants kid won't work, unless they abandon their desire for offspring. Any future home of mine will be strictly child-free.

I also don't want to live in some boring far-flung suburb, small town or village. I'm a city person, and I enjoy the having access to city amenities.

 

If they believe in something I hold to be abhorrent, then we're probably not going to get along.

Not having similar interests or if they have an obsession over something. If your passion is agriculture in Soviet Russia, I won't hold that against you, as long as it's not all you talk about.

If I've heard every joke of theirs from Tumblr already.

Slovenliness.

Treating the waiter poorly. Obversely, being too chummy with the waiter is just weird and probably would put me off.

No sense of humour. But possibly worse, someone who tries to turn literally everything into a joke. Neither are for me.

 

Some total deal breakers for me: smokers; religious ; hard core fetishes ; misogynistic ; racist .

 

I forgot stuff like racism/sexism but those would definitely be a deal breaker for me too.

 

The thing with dealbreakers is that they haven't stopped me from dating anyone yet.

I used to think, with my bad lungs, that smoking would be a dealbreaker for me. But I've dated two smokers - as long as they're curteous enough to smoke outside, then I'm not too bothered. We all have vices, after all.

I'm a vegan, and I figured that dating someone that doesn't share my preference for plant foods would be difficult. And to some degree, it is. But two of my exes ate meat. They wholeheartedly respected my choice to not eat animal products, so I never questioned how they weren't bothered by how their food got to their plates. I just made it clear I wasn't cooking them anything with meat in it, which we were able to agree was fair enough. I suppose it doesn't bother me much if they're open minded and non-judgemental. Just because I feel I've made a moral choice, that doesn't mean it's the right choice for everyone - some of my friends could never eat my diet, or they'd literally die.

Being incessantly messy tends to be a dealbreaker from my perspective. I'm not exactly a neat person myself, but there's a difference between disorder and a fucking mess. One guy I dated was a disastrously messy person, and it was always on my mind - he was the sort of person that can't seem to remember that garbage goes in a bin, and laundry and dishes get washed. Being messy isn't necessarily a deterant, but if it's an issue of food mess...it didn't last long because it was fucking disgusting, I couldn't tolerate it.

The only thing I think is a real solid dealbreaker, without exceptions (besides the racist/sexist etc. sort of stuff that would be obvious dealbreakers for most people), is disrespecting my identity. But that's an obvious one isn't it? If you can't see me for who I am inside then how will things even have a chance to work out?

 

I think I'm a guy thats in it for the ride, I like to have fun! I like to go to places k don't like to sit at home and watch tv all day, if you are scared to do anything ride a roller coaster with me, go rock climbing, hike, if you can't cook then I'm sorry but with you It's not going to be a ride worth the wait I like the thrill!!! I like to go on roller coasters, and fast rides and go bungee jumping and paint ball and camping and road trips and swimming, you have to be willing(or make an effort) to do those things with me I know it's a lot I'm sorry, but also I'm in no rush to find anyone I just came out like three weeks ago and I am fifteen and not ready to date a guy.... So me I'm in no rush right now tho I have friends to do those things with