Roles

I'd say it's more and more often not the case in opposite-sex relationships even. There are some Old World holdovers that still expect a male provider and a female homemaker, but what "roles" people take in long-term relationships seem to me to more so depend on each partner's personality and preferences more than anything (again, as long as you don't "throw" stereotyped roles on the thing).


And obviously, that's even more so the case same-sex relationships.

 

I think it might happen in some relationships, but not others? It really depends on the people involved and the dynamic between them.

I've not been in a same sex relationship, but with female friendships sometimes I'm the more feminine one, sometimes the more masculine. I would say I fall on the feminine side of the middle of the gender spectrum, but I'm not very "girly." In my relationship with my ex-bf I think we were both kind of feminine despite him being a guy.

 

Gender roles at least to me are complete bullshit.

 

It depends on who I'm with if I take on a leader or follower position (its not usually a set and permanent role as its subject to change based on the situation).

I also hesitate to define dominant or not roles based on gender as I know quite a few straight couples who defy that idea.

 

I saw a great cartoon that showed a fork and a spoon talking to a pair of chopsticks, saying "Which one of you is the spoon?" That's kind of the way I feel about it. I'm a better cook than my wife and she's more likely to spend a Sunday watching football. Does that make me the woman in the relationship, and her the man? But I also do the electrical repairs and snake out the toilets, so am I the man?

My guy and I are very well-matched in a lot of things, so if we eventually both cook and both repair things, and neither has any interest in football, is one of us the woman?

You find out what each of you is comfortable doing and you do it. No need to label it as anything but cooperation, compromise and love.

 

I think that it varies in every relationship both same sex and opposite. It really depends on people in the relationship.

 

It's been said and said...do I *really* need to say it here? I did a whole thread on this about a year ago. There is no guy in a female-female relationship! If there was, it wouldn't be a female-female relationship. Nor is there a "guy".

That said, ff relationships vary a lot...in some, one is more dominant; in some one or both enjoy sports; in most, at least one works...when both work, one almost always makes more money than the other...but that's not gender; it's mathematics (think about it)!

My relationship with my partner is very egalitarian. We each have our own areas of expertise and defer to one another in those areas. When it's close on something important, we talk a *lot* to completely understand one another's position and reach a sensible decision. We make roughly the same amount if you view our salaries as hourly (but only roughly...one still makes more than the other *wink*).

 

I think it's a myth. To be honest I think it's largely a myth in straight relationships but it's a myth they tend to have to contend with in a way that is more pressing than it is in gay relationships. My partner and I have very definite roles in in one sense and actually if you lined up the stereotypical male female dualities--even the silly ones like one will stop and ask for directions and one won't--almost down the line one of us is one side of the spectrum and the other is on the other side. But the problem is with about half of them I'm the guy he's the girl and about half of them he's the guy I'm the girl. Rather than letting some outdated notion of who should do what control us we're free to pick the roles that best fit our aptitudes. We're also free to change those roles if situations change. I remember in the early days of our relationship I did most of the cooking, now he does. Part of the reason is that we discovered much to the surprise of both of us that he's really good at it. We only discovered that though because a few years ago he got laid off and had difficulty finding work for several months. For a while he just had more time than I did and so we agreed he would take on the meals as his responsibility. Because we discovered he was really good at it when he was back to work full time he kept the meals and we negotiated new responsibilities for me. I think more and more straight couples do the same sort of thing but I feel like there's always a bit more of the bugaboo of gender roles in the background for them. I'm glad all that is largely irrelevant for us.

 

It's crap. Actions and interests are not gendered. In my longest relationship (5 years) which was a straight relationship because I had not yet realized I was trans, he did most of the cooking and cleaning while I was the one who put furniture together and fixed the car (I don't even drive but I can fix 'em up). He was better at math. I was better at science. We both loved poetry and death metal *shrugs*

Most people are a mix of masculine and feminine and that reflects in any relationship. It depends on the people involved.

 

I don't really like the whole who is the guy in the relationship question. So I don't really identify with that. But I'm a pretty feminine person.

 

Yeah I agree nothing pissed me off more than hearing whose the man in your relationship , It's two women for Godsake there is no man !!!:tantrum:

 

i can't wait if the day comes that I get a boyfriend,:dry: there's one person, a cousin, who'll make that crack "who's the woman", my response will be something like" I don't know but i do know you're the Bitch.":badgrin:

 

Gender roles are gone or mostly going these days. Obviously you can still have a dominate man at the head of a straight house hold, but it's not assumed. Women can be very much the dominate one in the house (especially with men who just want an easy life haha).

One of the good things about SS relationships is that I think we're more equal by and large in a relationship.

 

This. Another one I heard on TV was asking a vegetarian what part of their salad was the meat...