A grown up dating a minor

If it's within a two year range, say 17 and 19, I don't have a problem. But bigger that than is likely to produce nasty power imbalances, not to mention legal ones.

 

Well legally (depending where he lives) speaking it is absolutely is, but a six-yearish difference for any relationship( I.E.: a 22 year-old dating a 28 year-old) is still IMO a big difference. 5-6 Years is the max age difference for a relationship for me. I wouldn't support the relationship either.

 

I can't say that I think it'll be a healthy relationship, if they manage to have any kind of relationship at all, but 22 / 16 is okay to me... Most people, especially lads around 22 are just older teens, not "grownups". This is not a grown up man dating a teenage girl.

So yeah.
Sounds okay to me. Not a lot of promise, but okay.
I won't judge.

My first long-term relationship was at 17, with a 32 years old woman.
We spent 3 good years together. Are you going to judge me? Eh?
Yes, there can be nasty power difference, and most of the time, there will be. But there's always exceptions. Not saying your friends date is one of those exceptions, but I like to promote tolerance.

Maybe you should just be a little less judgemental.
You don't need to support it, but it sounds like you are downright offended by him dating a younger girl.

 

As a 16 year old, I definitely would be creeped out by advances from a 22 year old. Six years is okay if you're 36 and 42, but not 22 and 16.

Your friend has made a choice which, though it may break no laws, is definitely morally questionable. They come with a lot more life experience, presumably more physical power by virtue of age, more independence that the younger partner isn't as likely to have. Even without the intention of abuse, it's not that hard for a relationship like that to become abusive, emotionally or otherwise. They'll be able to pull the "older and wiser" card in their interactions with her. That kind of power imbalance isn't healthy at all.

I think you're in the right for criticising your friend.

 

I mean, it's his choice. If I were you, I wouldn't like it either. At the same time, he has just as much of an opinion as you do. If he wants to date a minor, then he'll suffer the consequences of his actions.


Think about it. It's a college graduate dating a high school student. Does that seem right?

 

Well if you really weren't too intrusive and judgemental, then I can just suggest calming down for now. He's likely heard the same complaints and criticsm from everyone else and his mother already.

Once you feel better about him, just try to analyse the situation, try to find out more about her, and once you've done all that, you can share your informed opinion with him again.

I'd like to raise the awareness of that we are talking about a 22 years old young wee lad here, one that doesn't sound too mature and grown up, and a 16 years old girl, which may be right in her teens, but depending on her personality, she might already be his match regarding mind and will.

Ultimately, it's their decision.

But MY first long-term relationship was with a 32 years old woman, when I was 17.
That is just ONE year older than this girl, but she was 10 years older than this lad.
Didn't do me any harm. It was a good, fun relationship.

A little less judgement, a little more tolerance, just be ready to raise your voice when things go sour. Right now, nobody knows if the'll work out. It's unlikely, but possible. Receiving flak from absolutely everyone must feel horrible for both of them.

 

If it's true love, they can wait

 

No, I think you're justified in voicing your concerns. If both parties were over the age of 18 with a big age gap, I'd say let it go, but the girl in this situation is still a minor. However, I guess there's only so much you can do. I'd just let them figure it out.

I think he may be upset because you're telling him what he doesn't want to hear and he knows its true.

 

I don't really think it's our place to talk about what age gap there should be in a couple, I think that if there happy and it isn't against the law it's fine.

 

Well they're in trouble if they come to my state. Some states forbid an adult having consent with a minor. It's not so much as to what the age gap should be. It's that he's a college graduate (I'm turning 22 in 10 days and that's what I am), and he's dating a high school student. Are you telling me that he couldn't find anyone else suitable for his age and go after someone (whom he knows is a minor)? Like someone said "if "they're" happy, then they should wait a while until she's of legal age".

 

And I can sympathise with that. (*hug*)

 

16 at least in my country is the age of consent. If the 16 year old wants to do it then it's their business to do so. Your disapproval is only a reason for you not to date a 16 year old.

 

You're right to be concerned about that age gap.
While some people may say it's their choice, I'm really curious what her parents think about the relationship.
Everything has been said - that's a very unhealthy relationship.
Do her parents know?

16 may be the age of consent but she's under 18 and he's over 18.

 

I'm a 16-year-old and I have a crush on a 23-year-old. But it's just a crush. I don't know if I could imagine being in a relationship with him.

Personally, I don't mind age gaps. Probably because I've grown up with them around me. My best friend's parents are 13 years apart in age, and a teammate's parents are about the same as well. At this point in time I don't mind 16 x 22; however, if it was 10 x 16 I would not like it. Depends...

 

I don't like to judge people, but as the victim of statutory rape when I was younger I must say that it is so incredibly easy for such a pairing to do a great deal of harm, even if the younger person is willing. 16 is really pushing it. The brain is still growing at that age, and someone who is 22 is at a totally different place. It creates an imbalance of power that is really easy to abuse. If things go badly the younger person can get messed up for a long, long time.

 

I'm 18 and I'm attracted to older guys, but I would highly question their motives if one started flirting with me. I'd think they would probably dump me as soon as I got old.