Is a gay bar the worse place to look for a relationship ?

Well I'll have to agree that gay bars are usually used as a place for hooking up, not form long-term relationships. There are of course exceptions, but usually, yes, they're for hooking up.
And I admit to enjoying them for that.

Finding someone suitable for the companionship YOU want in such a bar is of course possible, and it might not be the worst place, but it certainly isn't the best either. I honestly wouldn't know where else to look specifically for other gays though. Pride, maybe? More alternative districts of your town?

That's my opinion and experience anyway.

 

You might google
top 6 places to find lesbians ...

 

I think it depends on what type of people you want to hook up with and what your standards are.

 

I think ANY BAR would be the worst place to look for a long-term relationship.

 

I think anywhere you go looking for a mate is likely to be a disappointment. On the other hand anywhere you go where you genuinely enjoy yourself you can eventually find someone that you might want to have a relationship with--if the places you pick happen to attract other gay people (gay bars do but so do a lot of other places) this may be easier in the long run. I met my partner of 16 years in a gay bar and know a lot of similarly long term gay couples who met each other that way--but most of them for one reason or another (including myself) actually liked gay bars. Going somewhere (anywhere) that you don't enjoy in the hopes of meeting the love of your life is kind of silly.

 

I'd argue that sites like Craigslist and and certain apps are just as bad, but then, most people there aren't looking for long-term commitment.

That said, almost all of my relationships have started on forums or in the classroom, so...

 

Agreed re everything OGS has said here, but regarding this point in particular. One of the somewhat common things I see on EC from time to time is folks apparently going into every interaction, social event, and situation with an eye to finding 'the one'. I suspect that this almost never works. In fact, it can actually be counter-productive - people can sort of pick up on that level of determination (or desperation) and find it offputting.

Even worse is when people seem to be looking for a relationship while simultaneously wanting nothing to do with any LGBT person who they don't find attractive or who isn't a potential relationship. This is counter-productive times ten (or maybe a hundred).

IMHO the best thing a person can do to find a potential partner...is to stop looking for them. Keep your eyes (and mind) open to the possibilities. But don't make it the be all and end all of your life.

My 2c worth,

Todd

 

places that could be worse:

homeless shelters
rehab facilities
psych institutions

 

Unless I am going to a bar with a friend I really dislike it. I am an introvert and it tends to make me very uncomfortable. I would much rather meet people doing things that I enjoy and being able to share that with them. Being at a bar just drains my energy, makes me anxious, and pushes me farther into my little hermit crab of a shell.

 

Any place with a pick up type current is generally not the place to look for a relationship. It could work up to 10% of the time, at the most, judging from what I've heard. Most straight relationships that started in singles bars aren't that promising, either.

For that matter, places with common interests that are LGBT oriented also have a pick up atmosphere. People come to check out the merchandise. I knew of one church sponsored GLB group that, according to a friend of mine who went, had their weekly meeting and service and THEN they'd hit the bars. The group folded. But that struck me as funny - church > gay bar.

I think you will find prospects when you least expect it and some kind of chemistry radiates from both parties. That's what I think.

 

Obviously there is no standard recipe.
My bro met his girlfriend online, on a chat site. He likes to chat, though. (don't ask me which one, the language spoken there is not english )

What might help is just getting active to create the possibility to meet people.
Ideas could be language courses, sports clubs (even for gay people), or other events or activities which one enjoys.

 

I'd say that bars are pretty much just for hooking up or having a good time that's about it.

 

I completely agree with these 2 posters!

 

:roflmao:

You are truly an optimist.

 

I don't know, I've never been to a gay bar. Do you go there by yourself?

Technically you could meet a potential partner anywhere. I'd like to believe that there is fate when it comes to these things. Like if it's meant to happen, it will happen. Obviously the chances are higher when you interact with a lot of people.

 

Eh, it's up there with other terrible places to meet a potential girlfriend. I went to a gay bar once. Lots of gay men and not enough gay women.

It's times like these where I wish the gay population was larger.