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What stops you?

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by MindvsHeart, Jul 23, 2014.

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  1. MindvsHeart

    MindvsHeart Guest

    What stops you from 'Coming Out'? Or What did stop You?
    This question kind of sprung into my head while I was watching the movie Priest earlier for some odd reason...but my mind is spontaneous like that.
    Anyway, I thought it'd be good to have a general feel of what you feel stops you or what you know will hinder you from being the awesome, out-and-about :icon_wink, wonderful being that you are. (I thought maybe this would belong in the other forums but the way I see it, if you can discuss something over a hot cup of coffee than I classify it as chit-chat.(*hug*))

    I'll start...
    • Cultural Expectations. I come from a Polynesian background and both my parents are Tongan (although, they have other cultures mixed in there but that's a story for a different time) and the way I am...probably wouldn't make sense to another person of the same culture. In their eyes, you're either straight or gay- you can't be something else. And generally, it makes interactions with other people of my culture really, really disheartening. Like we can connect on a level that we come from the same background, maybe grew up the same but it's like that episode in Adventure Time when Finn touched the Porcelain Lamb and was transported into the Spirit Realm and no one could hear or see him. That's how I feel- Trying to explain would just be like not talking at all.
    • Haters & Judgmental people- I can deal with hate and judgey people face-to-face and deal with them on the spot but it's after the confrontation that I fear...when their words come back to haunt you, and they just echo in your head. I start to doubt myself and this usually leads to some old fashioned crying/mad times.
    • Loss of people I once cared about. It would hurt especially if it was my Mom but I'm optimistic about coming out to her...eventually. Extended family has a choice but I won't bend over backward for them. :***:
    • I sometimes think about how my Dad would have reacted. My Dad passed away last year and I suppose I'm still in the grieving process. He was a good man but he was slightly homophobic....:icon_sad: I sometimes think how he might react to the news that I queer both gender and romance/sex. So many What If's and all of them aren't very happy...
    • How people would treat my family- As you can tell, I'm family oriented. I love my family to death and I would do anything in my power to ensure that they are happy, healthy and safe. I hate to think of the repercussions coming out would do to them...how people would treat them. I would most likely kick somebody's ass if they did but the hurt would still be there.
    • Another big fear is that I won't be able to find a partner. I won't explain this because it's hard to put into words- I guess I just want something my parents had & more but being the way I am makes it a whole lot harder...

    So, I ask you, What Stops You from Coming Out? Or What Did? (< for those of you who are out, you lucky ducks/drakes/& ducklings :thumbsup:)
     
    #1 MindvsHeart, Jul 23, 2014
  2. Peacemaker

    Peacemaker
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    oh for me im out but what stopped me was if people left/stopped loving or accepted me
     
    #2 Peacemaker, Jul 23, 2014
  3. MindvsHeart

    MindvsHeart Guest

    (*hug*) I feel you on that one.
     
    #3 MindvsHeart, Jul 23, 2014
  4. Tai

    Tai
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    I don't think I would have much bullying or hate towards me in my small area; there are a lot of bis here (although there are almost no transgendered people), and my parents are very accepting and support the LGBT people all the way.

    What gets me is that I'm still in the waiting process to see if this is all just a phase or not. I'm so scared of coming out as something and then turning out that it wasn't true and I'm something else, or not that at all. Also, just the thought of their shocked reactions is something I'm not looking forward to.
     
    #4 Tai, Jul 23, 2014
  5. Browncoat

    Browncoat
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    Being tormented by homophobes at high school age and lower was bad enough when they didn't know for sure I was queer.


    If it had managed to get out publicly that I had come out in any way, I can almost guarantee that I would have killed myself before escaping that social environment.
     
    #5 Browncoat, Jul 23, 2014
  6. C06122014

    C06122014 Guest

    I was scared to have to come out of some sort of closet all the time, when I go to college I will have to come out again, when I get to work I will have to come out again and always have to come out of some sort of closet, but in the end it's all worth it :slight_smile: I'll cross that bridge when I get there :slight_smile:
     
    #6 C06122014, Jul 23, 2014
  7. MindvsHeart

    MindvsHeart Guest

    I can understand that. I think it's a contributing factor to why I want to wait too especially since I've had several coming outs to myself (weird, I know)...well, there more like revamped thought processes.

    ---------- Post added 24th Jul 2014 at 01:42 AM ----------
    I am speechless & saddened beyond belief and all I want do is hug you. (*hug*)

    ---------- Post added 24th Jul 2014 at 01:44 AM ----------
    So very true and I hope that every coming out is as smooth and uneventful as the last. (*hug*)
     
    #7 MindvsHeart, Jul 23, 2014
  8. Wuggums47

    Wuggums47 Guest

    Well, my whole family knows I'm attracted to men and women, but only my mom knows about any of my gender stuff. The reason I don't tell anyone is because they wouldn't get it, not even sort of.
     
    #8 Wuggums47, Jul 23, 2014
  9. Candace

    Candace
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    If it's worth the drama. I haven't come out to my mom's side of family, even though my mom knows about it, because they would give her an earful, which is something that I wouldn't want to put my mom through.
     
    #9 Candace, Jul 23, 2014
  10. MindvsHeart

    MindvsHeart Guest

    I know how you feel, my friend. (*hug*) We are on a different page from them and they refuse to see whats on the next (our) page. I hope you the best~

    ---------- Post added 24th Jul 2014 at 01:58 AM ----------
    Aww :icon_sad: Well, at least your Mom knows. (*hug*) How did she react when you told her?
     
    #10 MindvsHeart, Jul 23, 2014
  11. asdfghjk

    asdfghjk Guest

    Knowing people's attitudea towards me will change, being told it is just a phase or that i need a good dicking :v
     
    #11 asdfghjk, Jul 23, 2014
  12. girlpower

    girlpower
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    I am glad you brought this up! because for me... ALL OF THEM are the reasons I'm not out yet. I think i cans till handle few of these fears, but above all is my family I just cant imagine hurting them. And i am equally sure that they will never ever understand it and accept it, so the only option left for me is to move out of my house (which i think would actually be forever) and keep saying no to marriage so at one point they just stop looking out for a match for me(that's how it is in India.. generally your parents will find a match for you ). But it scares me as i know how our family friends and relatives would make life difficult for them.
     
    #12 girlpower, Jul 23, 2014
  13. Candace

    Candace
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    She was okay with it, but she thinks that it's a choice :bang:. So, you understand why I want to move out sooo badly :dry:.
     
    #13 Candace, Jul 23, 2014
  14. MindvsHeart

    MindvsHeart Guest

    Don't worry, I'm not going to say those things :slight_smile: Maybe all you need is a good...girl lol. :icon_wink I wish you the best though in everything you do~

    ---------- Post added 24th Jul 2014 at 02:15 AM ----------
    (*hug*) I am so sorry that you have to hide your true self but I get why you have those fears. Life is so complicated already plus with our added...awesomeness and people just don't understand. :x I wish you the best though!

    ---------- Post added 24th Jul 2014 at 02:18 AM ----------
    A choice.. :dry: And yes, I understand that. Gotta find a place where you can spread your wings, :icon_wink possibly around another person lol... :thumbsup:
     
    #14 MindvsHeart, Jul 23, 2014
  15. Tetra

    Tetra
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    1.) Changing dynamics - A lot of my friends are females, therefore I'm scared that when I tell them, our relationships will change. I don't know if any of them will be like "oh, you might have liked me at some point" or "We can't sleep in the same bed anymore when you sleep over". Obviously it's not a big deal, but I hate awkward confrontations like that, so I'm kind of worried.

    2.) I'm scared that even though I want a relationship with solely girls right now, I may want a relationship with a guy in the far future. What happens if I come out, then end up with a guy? I know sexuality is fluid, so I'm worried about that.
     
    #15 Tetra, Jul 23, 2014
  16. AlexTheGrey

    AlexTheGrey
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    I'll put that on my list as well. The one person I'm "out" to is my significant other, and more because they've been on the receiving end of some of my weird behaviors as a result of repressing things. It's been a mixed bag there already, as they are trying to be supportive, but not really understanding and trying to make "guesses" and "provide possible answers".

    I worry more about family. While they are accepting, and I have a niece who is "out" with her sexuality to the family, I don't even know if coming out as non-binary gender is something they will be able to process. And facing the idea that one of my parents' sexism can come into play as a way to berate me is troubling as well.

    That same fear plays out with friends. Can I even get them to accept the concept?

    I honestly cannot imagine the crap you got. While I was bullied when I was younger, folks pretty much gave up by the time high school rolled around.

    You do have my sympathy, for what it is worth. (*hug*)
     
    #16 AlexTheGrey, Jul 23, 2014
  17. Yosia

    Yosia
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    Confidence.
     
    #17 Yosia, Jul 23, 2014
  18. Foxface

    Foxface
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    honestly for me? It was a long process of being sure of myself...was this really me? Bear in mind I am not saying it is like this for anyone else...just my process
     
    #18 Foxface, Jul 23, 2014
  19. MindvsHeart

    MindvsHeart Guest

    I honestly don't get why so many friends think that you might be attracted to them...My best friend asked me if I had been attracted to her so I told her, "Oh yeah, totally :icon_wink " but she knew I was being sarcastic and was calling her out on such a dumb question. Dumb because I consider her my sister...:dry:
     
    #19 MindvsHeart, Jul 23, 2014
  20. Z3ni

    Z3ni Guest

    My mum..
     
    #20 Z3ni, Jul 23, 2014
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