So when i was growing up i had thoughts and experiments right up to the age of 12/13 but only started "questioning" my sexuality when i was 18 and met a gay guy i liked. Now since i was 12/13 i had been in a few long term heterosexual relationships and it was only after these experiences that I thought of my attraction to guys as "questioning" previously i hadnt even considered it's implications for my sexuality. So i think the cause of me "questioning" my sexuality was the fact that I had labelled myself heterosexual and that i lived in a heteronormative society. So my question (rather scrambled i know) is this: If we lived in a world where there were no labels, no societal norms and no expectations do you think we would still "question" our sexuality or do you think we wouldn't even consider the implications of who we are attracted to and accept it without the worry we go through now? The thought just occured to me sorry if there is an obvious "yes" answer that everyone agrees with but thought i'd throw it out there. Sorry if i offend anyone who is questioning i just wrote this on a spur.
I think people would just go on instincts, but it would be hard to tell who was into who unless you knew,personal information and we would have to go by actions meaning who they slept with.
I think it varies from person to person. I, personally, did not question my sexuality. I always knew and accepted that I was attracted to men and women. When I was younger, I didn't know the word for my sexuality, nor did I know that it had a word. But once I found the word for it, I immediately called myself such. I did, however, question a number of other things about myself, the biggest impact being my religion. Growing up, I was raise Catholic, but the beliefs never did resound within me as my own. So, I sought out what it was that I do believe, not knowing what I am, but knowing that I wasn't Catholic. I didn't have any idea whether there was a God or not, nor if I simply died at the end of this life, or if I was reborn, or if my soul was judged - I had no idea what I believed or how I felt, but again, I knew I wasn't Catholic. I would imagine that sexuality is very similar to this, even in the most basic of ways. Some people who are questioning have no idea how they feel about people of the same sex, or the opposite sex. They could very well be straight, but they don't know. Not to mention, there are so many factors in sexuality. You can be attracted to someone, yet there is no attraction. You can have sexual interest in someone, but not want relationships with them, or vice versa. In short, I don't think that "questioning" is inherently trying to find a label for how you feel, but rather trying to find out how you feel.
I know that for ages near the dawn of civilization, humans pretty much did do just this. Christianity (not Christ, but the religions that followed him) brought the notion of shame over sex, that sex should be engaged in as little as possible (because the purest form of union was with God, and we should not engage in impure unions such as sex, except to further our species)...and that led to the notion that homosexuality (which brings forth no progeny) is purely hedonistic and therefore wrong. But up to that point, there was no notion of sexuality, and it was not infrequent that a man would have a wife, but also male lovers. Bear in mind (before yearning for a return to those glory days of humanity) that women were largely viewed as property at that time, and used mostly for doing the chores men didn't like to do and for procreation. That meant, of course, that women were free to seek sexual comfort from one another as well, and nobody paid much attention. Given how much more twisted up we've become around this issue since then, it's absolutely natural that we should question our sexuality...we're told it's wrong, we're told it's unnatural, we're told it's unsafe, we're told it's a choice (it goes without saying that it's a bad one), in the case of bisexuality we're told it doesn't even exist, and given a host of bad information and misunderstandings about it. And yet in our hearts we feel it very strongly and we can't ignore it. Under those circumstances, one pretty much *has* to question, no?
I did! I didn't want to act like I was straight and then realize I was gay all along. That would upset my girlfriend/wife and put me in a lot of turmoil and trouble that could have been avoided much earlier in life if I just questioned.
Some people "know" from an early age, while others don't even suspect until much later. I didn't have much interest in sex, relationships, or anything of that sort for most of my teenage years, and not until early adulthood did things start to fall into place. There were a few heterosexual experiences, none of which lasted long, and a deep desire for more than just friendship with members of the same-sex. It was bizarre.
Hm. Well, I grew up in a household in which labels weren't really discussed, societal norms weren't all that much cared about in a lot of ways, and the most commonly expressed expectation was that we kids should 'do what makes us happy'. Before anyone gets too excited by the thought of a parent like that btw, take a moment to think about a situation in which you try to ask for advice and the response (and the ONLY response) is 'I think you should do whatever you think is best.' Anyway, I never really went through any kind of questioning period when it came to my sexuality. I got hit on and took the guy up on it. Messed around with him several times over some weeks and then took a break for a while for other reasons (and didn't spend much time thinking about the issue) and then decided to explore it again. Messed around with another guy and decided I liked it. Thought about it for less than an hour, during which I considered the available evidence and concluded I was gay. And that was that. Todd
