I don't know if this is just the schools that I've been to but I've found that schools often not only have very bad anti-bullying policies but also even subtly victim blame the bully victims. Often the school's only anti-bullying policy is to place the bully and the victim who has come forward in the same room and tell both parties to apologies to one another - the victim also has to apologies, I've still got no idea why. This not only alerts the bully to who has grassed them up and increases the victims torment in future as the bully tries to exact revenge but also allows the school to avoid having to deal with the issue further. However this usually only happens after several complaints have been made to no effect. Often the school will suggest ways in which you can avoid the bullying in future. For example, 'try to fit in more', 'don't act so differently, act normally', 'wear the things the other kids are wearing', and also 'see things from their side; they don't understand why you are different. Acting more like them would stop the bullying'. Is it me or does this sound a lot like; stop acting like yourself and hide what you are like in order to fit in more. It's only because you're acting so differently that they are bullying you, i.e. it's your fault they are bullying you because you chose to be different. Instead of saying stop bullying and accept differences they seem to be saying you should just be the same as everyone else; stop being different. It's like society's attitude to rape; we don't teach people not to rape, we teach them how to avoid getting raped. We don't teach people not to bully; we teach them how to avoid getting bullied. Why should victims have to change their lives to avoid persecution and not persecutors change their lives to avoid victimisation? Sorry this was quite a rant:icon_redf it's just been bugging me. I may just be being paranoid but I genuinely do think there is this unspoken attitude in the eduction system.
I completely agree that schools are terribly guilty of victim blaming and it's disgusting. However, I also think that recently, people are becoming more aware of the consequences of bullying and that schools are doing more to eradicate and discourage bullies. I know that my school definitely improved over the last few years anyway. I think there's still a long way way to go, but it's good that we're trying to change the culture and societal outlook on victim blaming, in all it's forms.
I think it's great that attitudes are changing but I'm also really worried that a lot of it is just talk. The number of power points I've been forced to endure that contain cliché after cliché and have absolutely no effect on how the school reacts to bullying has left me quite disheartened. But, one of the things that really gave me hope was 'To This Day', it's a spoken word poem by Shane Koycan. I don't know if you know it but it is such a beautiful and powerful poem I cry everytime I watch it.
Unfortunately, I am a pretty biased person on this matter, and I'm lacking the information. I went to high school seven years ago, so I am quite separated by time from the current realities. When I was going to school, victim blaming was the norm. Additionally, zero tolerance policies actually criminalized defense. When I went to school, we didn't have a GSA because gay students did not want to be out. One of my good friends was savagely beaten in the bathroom and had his jaw broken against a urinal. But, in only four years' time, (after I was gone, of course), we have an active GSA, and they got favorable news coverage. (Actually, they made the New York Times.) So, although I am incredibly biased and bitter, I have to acknowledge that there have been positive changes. I think a huge reason that schools victim blame is that they are under considerable pressure from parents in the general public. School administrators view the parents as the customers rather than the children, and this in my opinion is very dangerous. They are accountable to parents and not the students. They protect kids because if they don't, they are failing the parents, and in failing the parents, they might lose their jobs. People are calling for teachers and administrators to be fired all the time for their perceived missteps. I have done it, and I continue to do it. Whenever any disciplinary action gets in the news, there's always huge public scrutiny. "Was this punishment justified, or was it not?" "Why was there a failure to punish?" "Why did the victim get punished too?" What ever happens, it was the wrong thing, and people are always questioning a school administrator's qualifications and fitness for their position. So, oftentimes, school administrators are thinking about how the public will view their decisions rather than what the circumstances actually require them to do in order to protect the safety of their students. It used to be a lot more acceptable (and in some places, unfortunately still is) to tell Jane or Timmy to stop being a freak than it is to tell Johnny that he's going to be suspended and held back a grade if he doesn't shape the fuck up right now. Because in order to problematize their behavior as bullies, you have to call into question a system of sexist oppression, which means you have to call into question those kids' parenting, right? You have to call into question their cultural surroundings. But, remember, it's the parents, not the students, who are the customers. And so, you don't rock the boat. That's my jaded view of what it is. But I think it's definitely changing, even if it's not changing as fast as I might like it to.
I dont think you are being paranoid I think you are being spot on. I was horrifically bullied from ages 5- 13. In primary school the policy was exactly as you stated. Then in secondary school was way way worse, I spoke to a teacher about it and she said I wasn't a child anymore and I am no longer in primary school so I should deal with it myself. :icon_sad: My mum went berserk when I told her. I was about 11 at the time.... do you know how small and vulnerable 11 year olds still are. It got so bad that when I turned 13 I had to change to a different form group in the other half of the year. My school had 6 form groups, with 3 in each half of the year. You only had lessons with people from the 3 forms in your half of the year. So I finally escaped it (!) Then from ages 14-16 I was getting badly bullied by a teacher... yes thats right a TEACHER :tears: My mum was supportive to me, and gave me numerous sick notes, doctors notes and allowed me skive that class. I always did my work still for it got the highest grade you could get for that subject.... but it was horrible and there was nothing I could do. It turned out the same teacher had bullied 2 of my friends older brothers as well.
When I was bullied during grade school, teachers would handle the situation quite terribly. Some told me that I was being too sensitive and "man up." Others announce to the ENTIRE class about my situation, humiliating me and making the bullying worse. All those years, I blamed myself and I became a bit depressed. Now that I can comprehend the situation, I look at some of my old teachers with disgust. My words to them will be nothing more than "FUCK YOU!"
I've noticed this to some extent, but when I went to private school there where a few times where they only blamed the bully. One of them attacked me with a hockeystick, and I was the one who beat them up, not the other way around. They punished him, but told me I did the right thing, and that it's fine to defend myself. What was really bizzare is that for field trips, I got placed in the same car as him almost every time. I have no clue what was up with that.
I was always told by my mother that if I was bullied, I should tell the teacher right away. I was told that if a bully hit me or hurt me first, I could haul off and break his nose and beat the fuck out of him, and she'd swear up and down the hall defending me and my self defense. I was told that if I bullied anyone, or swung first, I'd have no back up whatsoever and would be made to accept whatever punishment came my way. I never had to beat anyone, but I liked the fact that regardless of the school policy, my mom had my back. The key was, THEY HAD TO INITIATE IT. There were a few kids in my school who came to blows, and the school always said "both of them are at fault because they both swung at each other" but the parents of the victim always threw a fit and the school backed down every time, punishing the bully and absolving the victim.
